Longest Week Ever

God, the wait is brutal. I actually taped NFL Network's eight hours of coverage yesterday and fast-forwarded through, well, eight hours of it.

Just a thought from someone who doesn't know anything about producing live teevee shows: DON'T LET EVERYBODY SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME. Seriously, Warren Sapp was actually more useless than usual because he just talked over everyone. Learned a lot there.

In less angry news: I talked to Matt Ryan yesterday and he was both swell and smart.

And a little something to get you pumped up, courtesy of ELSM (Ugh. When ELSM e-mailed me the pic below, it was animated. Now, not so much. I blame Blogger. Either way, you'll have to pretend there's a waving Terrible Towel. You feel pumped, right? Right?!):

Go

Before we're all beat about the head with mindless, non-stop Super Bowl coverage, here's a look back at a simpler time. A time when the jerk who writes this blog actually used to, you know, write: the 2005 season, through the unbiased prism of HSS. Good times, indeed.

And if you're looking for more stuff to point and gawk at, here ya go.

One more thing: I have no idea who thinks the BCS is a swell idea (other than those guys getting rich off it), but here's something else to keep you from doing any work today.

You Are Still Cleveland to Us and You Still Stink

Thanks to pr9000 for sending me the link to this gem. Carry on.

Troy Might Make Something of Himself

(via PPG)

Two things:

* First, I had a couple people send me this pic, but with the explicit instructions not to post till after the game.

* Second, I'm not gonna lie: I was pretty uptight when the Ravens had the ball with six minutes to go. Right up until Troy Polamalu, like he seemingly always does, took over.

Game Thread, AFC Conference Championship: Baltimore Ravens

Go time, peeps. (And just in case: by the power of Kyle Boller, I compel thee...)

Killin' Time, AFCC Weekend

Just something to take your mind off Raven-Steelers, Part Tres.

I'll put up the AFCC thread around 6:00 PM EST.

Maybe Rex Ryan Can Play OLB This Weekend

Randomness:

* Thanks to Joe Esposito for the link to Savran and Alexander on Sportsbeat. Best line: "Yeah, that bad boy ended up in court."

* Also, I love Rex Ryan's comments here. No idea why he's making them, but, hey, stay classy, Baltimore!

* Also, even if Terrell Suggs plays, I can't imagine he'll be doing much.

* Finally, fantastic Chargers-Steelers photo is courtesy of pr9000. Thanks, sir.

Raucous Goobers Rule Our World

First, raucous goober might be the most fitting description ever for Philip Rivers. Kudos to you, FW. Second, in the time it took you to read this, Mark Kriegel just killed another puppy with the machete he hides in his trench coat. And lastly, thanks to Sarah for the pic above. You can actually see Gretz's seat from there. (522, baby! See end zone, look just to the right of the little white camera shack, and you can virtually hear Gretz yelling at aforementioned raucous goober.)

Big Ben Should Get Concussed Every Week

See David Brent there? That was me during the second half. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

In other, more important news: Godspeed, Huck.

And Sarah, if you want, send me your pics and I'll post them up.

Game Thread, AFC Divisional Round: San Diego Chargers

Dear Big Ben,

Please don't play like you were recently concussed. Thanks in advance.

- me

And because it's Sunday (thanks to Huck for digging this up):

And the Lord spoketh unto Ben, and he said, "First, thou shalt take the snap. Then thou shalt take a 5-step drop, no more, no less. 5 shall be the steps thou shalt take, and the number of steps thou shalt take will be 5. 1 thou shalt not take, neither thou 3, excepting that thou then proceed to 5. 7 is right out. Once the step 5, being the 5th step reached, then lobbest thou thy football away from thy foe, who, being not within reach, shall be smited.

- Sepulverizer, Nov. 30, 2007

Amen, people. Amen.

Killin' Time, Old Skool Style

I'll put up the Chargers-Steelers thread at 3PM EST. In the meantime, no need to thank me: you deserved visions of grandma offering up a lap dance.

Ravens-Titans: Win-Win, Lose-Lose

I won't be pulling for the Ravens today, but if they win -- and the Steelers beat the Chargers tomorrow -- well, I'm perfectly fine with next week's matchup.

Look at the Size of That Boy's Head

(If you're so inclined, start around the 1:30 mark)

Well, in a completely unsurprising development, Big Ben has made his bulbous head the main story heading into the playoffs. I was actually talking to Gretz about this via e-mail, and he pointed out what I think most of us assume to be true: Roethlisberger loves drama, particularly when it sets him up for one of those "I told you so" moments.

And while I willingly accept most of the Roethlisberger-ian silliness that comes along with the stellar quarterbackin', sometimes I think he'd just be better off saying nothing. Between the broken toes (that weren't really broken according to Cowher), to the Thumb Gate to the latest news that his GINORMOUS head won't fit in the team-issued helmet ... well, let's just say I could do without the media coverage that will surely follow this story. (It's already started!?)

In any event, he's playing (although, frankly, I have no idea how a dude with a swollen noggin has been medically cleared to get pummeled by a bunch of fat guys for three hours). And here's to hoping he plays way. For obvious reasons (I wouldn't mind the Steelers winning), and selfish ones (I don't feel like whinging about Roethlisberger's various ailments costing this team the season).

And count me among those who'd love to see Baltimore come to town next week, Lord willing.

Bring on Norv, Phil

Let me just say that I'm glad the Steelers were the No. 2 seed. I'm perfectly capable of admitting I'd rather they face the Chargers/Miami over the Ravens/Colts. In any event, San Diego looked pretty nifty against Indy, and I don't think being without LdT will affect what they do (they've won plenty without him).

Of course, my "Will Pittsburgh win" summations always come down to this: if Big Ben avoids dumb turnovers, I like their chances a lot. Insightful, I know.

Looks Like the Ravens Get Their Very Own Thread

Well, Steeler Bill takes an early lead in the HSS Commenter of the Year. My guess? This'll be over before the combine. (Maybe in 2010, chumps!)

Okay, I went 1-1 yesterday, and I'd be perfectly content to go 1-1 today. Also, if you haven't given it any thought, J.J. has some good news.

Wild Card Games Thread: We Need You, J. Peezy Edition

Since the Steelers have the week off, might as well talk about the 2009 draft and the current state of the team's offensive line. Kidding. We did that yesterday. And while my vapid observations did nothing to move the discussion forward, luckily we have smart commenters to for that. Plus, people don't come here to hear me wax idiotic, anyway.

All that aside, let's get to this weekend's picks. To be consistent, I'll stick to my no-way-in-hell-those-happen selections via FanHouse, primarily because I will, under no circumstances, pull for the Ravens. Well, except that one time in 2007 when they were playing the Patriots (and look where that got me). BUT THAT'S IT.

I suppose this is where I trot out my well-worn witticism about "the person who correctly predicts the most games gets a free lifetime HSS subscription!" So there ya go. Enjoy.

Moving on to the picks (straight up, no spread ... unless you just want to show off):

Cards over Falcons
Colts over Chargers
Dolphins over Ravens
Eagles over Vikings

Oh, and consider this the game threads, too.

Don't See This Every Day

Here's something I never expected to hear from the national media: the Steelers' secondary is among the best in the league. I mean, casual observers know about Troy Polamalu, but it's nice to hear Ike, Ryan, BMac and Deshea get some dap, too. And as long as we're giving out virtual high-fives, I suppose we should point to the play of William Gay and Tyrone Carter.

The other stereotype I've grown weary of hearing even though most of us agree: THE OFFENSIVE LINE SUX!!1!

Yeah, we all believed that in August, but the o-line was, at worst, average this year. And that's a huge compliment. I actually wonder how many fewer sacks Big Ben would've had behind the league's best pass-blocking offensive line. (I honestly don't even know who that might be; yeah, the Giants and Titans have given up very few sacks, but Eli Manning and Kerry Collins don't typically hold the ball for six seconds per dropback, either.)

Happy New Year, Peeps

Big Ben's noggin appears to be fine, which, of course, is relative. But, hey, the Steelers didn't draft him to help with the Times Sunday crossword. That's what Jeff Reed is for.

One more thing, just in case you missed it: