Tuesday, March 06, 2007

John Harris Ain't Got Nothing on the Captain Pantload Posse

(Deshea Townsend assaults Raymond Burgess Chris Henry unknown bar patron at Margarita Mama's on Sunday night.)

Jeebus, anybody got a copy of the Tribune-Review's mission statement? Is it written in crayon with a bunch of misspelled words? Do you think employees wear bags over their heads on the way to work so nobody knows who they are?

First off, let me apologize to John Harris for yesterday's CPW. Compared to this latest steaming pile (which I'm sure will be pulled off the Tubes any second now), he's Michael Lewis.

Anyway, according to budding reporter Jill King Greenwood, Deshea Townsend was was arrested after a bar fight:
... Townsend and and another man surrendered to police after getting into a fistfight at a Station Square nightclub, authorities said today.

Townsend was at Margarita Mama's at 1:45 a.m. Friday when Chris Graham, whose age and address were not available, began arguing with another man, Raymond Burgess, Pittsburgh police said.

Burgess and Graham began fighting and Townsend jumped into the fray, said police spokeswoman Diane Richard.

"Mr. Burgess threw punches, hitting Mr. Graham in the face," Richard said. "As he was beating Mr. Graham, Mr. Townsend jumped in and started hitting the victim with a closed fist in the head and face."
It's 8:05 PM EST as I write this and the facts -- according to Greenwood, anyway -- have already been changed. In a previous version, Raymond Burgess was a Steelers' practice squad player. Now, he's just "another man."

Well, ProFootballTalk.com might have something to do with the correction. At 5:44 PM EST, Florio wrote:
Per a league source, Steelers cornerback Deshea Townsend denies a report that he was arrested for an early Saturday bar fight. Townsend also claims, we're told, that he was not involved in the altercation that gave rise to a story in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that Townsend and another player on the team had been busted.

We're also told that Raymond Burgess, identified by the Tribune-Review as a member of the Steelers' practice squad, has no connection to the team. He's supposedly a freaking bartender at the club where the fight occurred.
And then, at 7:51 PM EST, he added this:
At a time when the old media loves to criticize the new media for getting stuff wrong and/or making sh-t up, a member of the old media pulled a decidedly new media trick by revising one of its stories to remove a glaring error that appeared in a prior version.

Earlier on Monday, the Tribune-Review reported that Steelers cornerback Deshea Townsend and practice squad player Raymond Burgess were arrested over the weekend.

But we later learned that Burgess is not, and never has been, a member of the team. Instead, he's a bartender at the club where the fight occurred.

And, apparently, we're right. Because the Tribune-Review story has been revised, with no reference to the fact that it ever said that Burgess played for the Steelers.

Nicely done.
Look, I know typing is brain surgery for some people, but how freakin' hard is it to, oh, I don't know, click this link (if you work at the Trib, when I write "click this link," that means you should take your mouse -- it's not really a mouse, it's the little mouse-shaped object next to the keyboard typewriter buttons -- and drag it along the mousepad mousecarpet so that the pointer arrow-thingy on your computer screen picture maker hovers over the words "click this link." Then, click hit the mouse on top of the head.

Welcome to the Internets! You just traveled through space. You are presently viewing the Pittsburgh Steelers -- they are the local football team ... in Pittsburgh -- team roster. Now, all you have to do is look for a guy named Raymond Burgess. If you DO NOT see him on this list, that means he doesn't play for the Pittsburgh Steelers (again, the local football team ... in Pittsburgh ... Pennsylvania). This is called "fact checking." It's an interesting idea many news organizations are now adopting to make sure their stories are "accurate," or, as some people might say, "not full of shit."

God, what an embarrassment. Somebody ought to ask Jill King Greenwood who her source was on the Raymond Burgess tip. I also heard from my sources that Steelers' punter Mark Madden frequents strip clubs, and punt returner Sally Wiggin eats boogers.

I guess we really shouldn't expect that much from an outfit that features the slogan: "We Deliver Newspapers. And More." Doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

Whatever, congratulations to Jill King Greenwood (if you wonder why I keep using her full name, it's because I want this post to appear near the top of The Googles when her family and friends check to see what she's been up to); you're now second only to Mike Prisuta in All-Time Captain Pantload-ness.

Speaking of Prisuta, I stumbled across little piece of rumor-mill comedy gold: Apparently, some of the higher-ups at the Trib (the smart monkeys, I'm guessing) called Prisuta in to find out what the hell happened with the crash-and-burn job he did on the "Grimm is the Steelers' next head coach!!!" piece.

Like any of us would do, he marched into the office, presented a copy of the CBSSportsLine.com column as proof he was right ... even though Mike Tomlin had the job. At least on this planet, anyway. Evidently, some Trib employees use the SportsLine column as proof Captain Pantload was right. Uh, okay.

Also, as much as most of us detested the job Joe Bendel did last year as the Steelers' beat guy, when he quit right before training camp (strategically planned, it seems), the Trib replaced him with a guy who previously covered the Division II golf beat. Now, this dude might be a great writer getting his big break. I don't begrudge him for being in the right place at the right time, but you have to think the Trib could've had almost anybody for the job. (Actually, I have no idea; I'm just assuming it would be a popular gig since the Steelers ARE sports in Pittsburgh.)

At any rate, the Tribune-Review has out-Prisutaed themselves. Didn't think they could do it, but I've been proven wrong ... again. Just like the time I thought the Steelers hired Mike Tomlin ...