Stuff that irritates me

I like Gerry Dulac of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette but his last column on Black & Gold Insider (the pay site on the Post Gazette website that touts itself as "helping quench your thirst for in-depth Steelers information...") left me, well, still thirsty (if you click on the link, you won't be able to read it unless you're a subscriber, but in this instance, consider yourself lucky if you're not).

He's basically blabbing on about how Larry Foote is not the next Kendrell Bell -- and that Steelers fans should be wary and not confuse #50 with #97 when they show up for the game Sunday.

Word of caution to those traveling to Heinz Field to see the Steelers play the team that everyone,,,loves to hate - the Cleveland Browns:

Be careful not to step in the Larry Foote propaganda.

...Know this much about Foote, a fourth-round pick in 2002: He is a solid player, a more than capable backup for Bell...But know this about Foote, too: He is not Kendrell Bell. Nor is he ever going to be.

Um, can someone explain to me why exactly I'm paying $15.99 to read this stuff? This is a great example of a sportswriter either not having enough time to write a good column, or just being lazy enough to write this one.

As a college professor once said to me (on many, many occasions) on some topic that I thought was important, "Why is this important?" And his all-time favorite question after I thought I had said something especially profound, "So What?"

These were the first two questions that came to mind after reading Dulac's column (of course, I had a few choice adjectives to help describe my true sentiments). Seriously, why is this story important? And why do I care? Isn't the point of news to be newsworthy? What editor read this and said, "Bravo Gerry! This is your best work yet! You're the only one to have realized that the 235 lb. backup linebacker Larry Foote isn't really as good as the 250 lb. starter and All-Pro Kendrell Bell!"

I'm sure it sounds like I'm making a big deal out of a seemingly innocuous article (and I probably am), but why is it OK for sportswriters to mail it in occasionally without being taken to task for crappy work, while players are routinely brow-beaten for subpar performances? And don't misunderstand, I think guys making millions of dollars should be under scrutiny -- but so should the guys writing about them.

Anyway, after I read Dulac's riveting and insightful piece, I found myself growing angry with the fact that someone somewhere thought this was interesting enough to put in the paper, and not only that, but charge me to read it. And I was actually OK until I got to the last two sentences of the column, and then I lost it:

Larry Foote is a nice player. But he is like a pair of shoes complementing a nice suit.

Kendrell Bell is the Armani.

Ugh. Crappy simile's are the quickest way to push me over the edge. This has all the wit and imagery of a cheesy romance novel you pick up at the supermarket check-out line (of course I've never read one -- I've just heard about them). Let's see, how about this one: "Gerry Dulac is a nice sportswriter. But he is like pepperoni complementing a pizza. Mark Madden eats the whole pizza."

I think I like mine better. And one more thing, quit writing dopey columns -- either that, or send me a refund.