Offseason Round File, Part II

Okey doke, this is Part II of the HSS Retrospective: "Taking a Look Back at the 2005 Season" (cue After School Special music). With that out of the way, on to the first quarter of the season:

Weeks 1-4
... This is where it all started: The first CPW post ever.

... Anybody remember Fred Gibson? You know, the next Plax? Well, I readily admit that I was just as psyched as most Steelers homers when Pittsburgh grabbed him in the 4th round last April. He lasted all of four months with the big team.

Well, this weekend the Steelers officially trimmed their roster to 53 players and probably the most surprising name to get cut was fourth-round pick, Fred Gibson. Gibson was certainly a sentimental favorite of mine, primarily because shortly after getting drafted I went out and bought a Fred Gibson t-shirt. I was hoping he could work through all the reports that alleged he couldn't get off the line of scrimmage, had trouble with the playbook, ran the wrong routes, and ran away from the ball.

[...]

Yeah, it's hard to argue that Lee Mays deserves a roster spot over ... well, anybody, but that just underscores how crappy Gibson's training camp must have been. It's not every player that can start a story with, "I was beat out for a roster spot by an ivy league special teams ace (Morey), a seventh sixth round pick with 11 career receptions (Mays) who at the time had a "severe" hamstring injury, and a rookie who played at Division II Tiffin University (Washington).

I could actually cut and past the entire article (it was that good; OK, not really), but instead, I will just point out the first ever CPW:

This story in Saturday's Post-Gazette is titled, "Between The Lines/The Breakdown: Position battles," which would leave most people to believe that the author, Ed Bouchette, would actually breakdown the position battles from an insider's perspective. Well, most people would be wrong because all I learned from this article is that the editor doesn't read it before slapping on a title. Not only that, but consider the lede:

"Post-Gazette writer Ed Bouchette takes a look beyond the stat sheet and analyzes the position battles in the wake of the Steelers' first loss of the preseason and with only one game still to play. A look at some of the players who helped their cause Thursday."

Uh, here's the thing. This article was dated September 3. You know, two days after the Steelers played their last preseason game. This means that they don't have "one game still to play." Not unless the Post-Gazette thinks that the Titans are so bad that the NFL is actually making the Week 1 regular season matchup a special case Week 5 preseason game. But it gets worse. Under the subtitle, "The Breakdown: Position battles" we get nuggets like this:

QB Ben Roethlisberger: He's throwing off balance and rarely on target, not leading his receivers. He just has not looked comfortable in the pocket this summer and his 32.8 passer rating reflects that.

First, I willingly admit that Roethlisberger has struggled this preseason, but this is the first I'm hearing that the quarterback position is a "position battle." Doesn't that imply that he's battling for a starting job? Bouchette offers nothing in the way of explanation when it comes to including Roethlisberger here, and his "analysis" certainly seems a lot more like "opinion." I'm not going to go through all the examples here, but it's definitely worth taking a look at, if for no other reason than this article is so bad, it's funny. For real insight into the Steelers inner workings, just take a look at the Willie Williams bullet and please tell me how that's not "analysis." (Me shaking my head in between uncontrollable fits of laughter.)

Oh, good times. And here's a comment from Patrick on Gibson, Mays, Kranchik and Rasby after cutdown day (notice that all comments have been restored, so feel free to knock yourself out reliving the past ... via the comments -- and yes, you're almost as pathetic as me if you do):

First off Lee Mays is worthless, we should have given Gibson a shot over Mays.

[...]

If i am Rasby and i find out i am getting cut but they are keeping a guy like Kranchik, AND Lee Mays I would be pretty upset.

Mr. Rasby, prepared to be upset. The funny thing is, Lee Mays is like a rash -- he just won't go away. After getting cut, I can only imagine he got really good at Madden because I don't think he even got a tryout anywhere. And then Quincy Morgan goes down in the playoffs, bada bing, bada boom, and Lee has a Super Bowl ring, which I suspect will end up on eBay sometime in the next 12 months.

... I think I talked about this the other day, but here's the first mention on this site as to why I think tall wideouts are overrated:

There is empirical statistical evidence that Wilson can provide for Ward what Burress did. Again referring to the book, and the same essay I mentioned above, after looking at all the No. 1 and No. 2 receivers in the league, there was no correlation between the difference in height between starting wideouts and their average DPAR. Or in English: wide receiver height is overrated -- even when you're talking about the effect big wideouts (Plax, for example) have on helping their teammates get more passes (Hello Hines Ward). The problem is that Randy Moss has ruined it for all the other big wideouts who could mature into good players. Guys like David Terrell or Rod Gardner (or how about a recent fourth-round draft pick just let go?) are perfect examples of big receivers who should dominate, but for some reason or other they don't. And not only do they not dominate, they don't even cause defensive coordinators to game plan against them enough to help their shorter, shiftier teammates get more receptions. So that's why I'm not worried about Ced.

Yeah, with the way El and Wilson played for most of the year, I didn't feel to good about my little theory, but the playoffs gave me renewed hope -- at least until minicamp.

In the same post, I got a comment from DH about some of the preseason chucklehead prognostications, and this one, from Norman Einstein, is downright scary:

I was happy at first to see [Theismann] pick the Steelers to win the SB, but then I had to temper my enthusiasm when I saw that he picked the REDSKINS to win the NFC. umm... What!?!? He also picked Heath Miller to be the offensive ROY.

I don't even know what to make of this.

Week 1: Tennessee Titans
Remember all that talk about Roethlisberger struggling during the preseason? And the sophomore slump whispers? And the comparisons to Kyle Boller? OK, nobody was that far out on the plank, but admit it, people were, shall we say, concerned. Well, apparently, Big Ben had everything under control:

" ... the fact that Roethlisberger threw 46% of his passes on the first drive is mind-boggling. And the fact that all of his passes -- even the two he missed -- were right on target should give some of his critics pause, at least for a week or so. I must admit, I was a little troubled by the poor play of the Steelers first team offense during the preseason -- especially Roethlisberger -- but he came out against the Titans just like it was Week 4 through 14 of his rookie season. Not one overthrow. Not one ill-conceived throw after being hurried in the pocket. Not one blatant interception that had no chance of being caught by a Steelers player.

Looking back, the Steelers basically had a six-week preseason, except the NFL counted the last two games. The Titans were bad and the Texans were dreadful (and things were so bad for Houston that they fired their offensive coordinator after the Week 2 game).

Honestly, I really thought the Titans would play better. Whenever you have Jeff Fisher (mullet/mustache combo aside) teamed up with Steve McNair, you expect a close game. Of course I gave no consideration to the fact that Tennessee's defense didn't cover tackling during training camp and that probably had a lot to do with the outcome. Either way, the Steelers are 1-0 and heading down to Houston. The last time they played the Texans the Steelers gave up something like 40 yards to their offense and proceeded to lose the game as Tommy Maddox played like, well, Tommy Maddox. The consequence of that loss meant that Pittsburgh didn't get home field advantage during the 2002 playoffs, and they had to go on the road to -- you guessed it -- Tennessee, where they eventually would lose on a field goal during overtime (thanks DeWayne Washington). But hey, no reason to live in the past.

... Even more CPW madness:

Just when you think reporting can't get any dopier, somebody goes and asks Roethlisberger this question following the Titan's game Sunday:

Q: Talk about being 9 of 11 on the anniversary of 9/11/05

A: I didn’t know that. You go out and you play for a lot of things. With the catastrophes going on down in New Orleans, it makes you really think that we’re all playing a game. Hopefully we lift some spirits for a couple of hours. But now it’s back to the reality of what’s going on down there. It’s tough, but we go out there and play for all those people who need the inspiration of watching us play.

Geez. If Roethlisberger had instead decided to punch this guy in the stomach instead of answering the question, I would've been OK with that. Look, it's certainly appropriate to ask about September 11, given that it's the four-year anniversary, but why in the hell would you try to draw parallels to the fact that Roethlisberger also completed 9 of 11 passes?

What happens if Roethlisberger goes 1 for 28 on January 28th, does somebody get to ask Roethlisberger how it feels to complete only one pass in 28 attempts on the anniversary of the Space Shuttle disaster back in 1986?

Or what's this numbnut going to ask Roethlisberger if he goes 9 for 18 next week? Here, I'll give him a little help:

On September 18, 1895, Booker T. Washington delivered his famous "Atlanta Compromise" speech ...

I'll be looking forward to Roethlisberger's response.

Back on earth, I give Big Ben a lot of props for answering the question as eloquently as he did, all things considered. But he also would've been well within his rights to donkey punch the reporter.

This might be one of my favorite Q&A's off all time. The 9/11 question is something you save for media day at the Super Bowl. It's that good.

... One of the pitfalls to "taking a look back," is that you realize you write a lot of stupid stuff. But unlike most people, I don't try to hide from it, I embrace it. And with that, yet another self-imposed CPW:

Speaking of Big Ben, he's been downgraded to questionable because of a bone bruise in his knee that has been slow to heal. Which means that there's some chance Tommy Maddox might play against the Texans Sunday. My first reaction to reading this was, "OK. Not really a big deal." Of course I'm discounting Maddox's last performance against Houston when he threw two picks that went the other way, the Steelers amassed something like 400 yards while allowing only 40 and went on to lose 24-7 24-6 and lose home field advantage in the playoffs.

But seriously, I don't think having Maddox step in for Ben is a problem. First of all, everyone knows the Steelers are going to pound the ball as long as the game is close. (And if Pittsburgh goes up, they'll run it even more.) And while Maddox sometimes likes to force throws into coverage, he's also pretty accurate on the short and medium passes. All this got me to thinking who the Pats would prefer to face in two weeks: Roethlisberger or Maddox. Personally, I want Ben to play, but just from a game-planning perspective, New England knows how to rattle Ben, but they've seen a lot less of Maddox. Another option would be for Cowher to rotate the position between Randle El, Hines and Cedrick Wilson -- all former QBs -- and run the single wing. Or just start Roethlisberger. Either way.

Yeah, any credibility I may have once had is now obliterated. I offer my resignation in disgrace.

Week 2: Houston Texans
Here's my question: How did Houston score a touchdown?

And man, I admit that I haven't caught a lot of Texans games the last few seasons, but David Carr stinks. For all the bad press Joey Harrington gets, he can't hold a candle to Carr being so consistently bad. Of course, there's a really good chance that this guy is perpetually punch drunk due to the fact that he's been sacked more times in his four-year career than Heather Graham in "Boogie Nights."

[...]

And as long as I'm talking about the Texans, how's that trade for Phillip Buchanan working out? God, that guy's overrated. Unless, of course, getting turned around on every obvious passing down, and subsequently giving up big plays, is all part of his master plan. Otherwise, the Raiders got the better end of that trade. On the upside, former Steeler, Kris Brown, did have a touchback on a kickoff. So there's your silver lining in Monday's film session.

My Buchanan remark led to this comment from Steve:

"Otherwise, the Raiders got the better end of that trade."

Otherwise, Mrs. Lincoln had a lovely evening at the theatre.

Fair enough.

... Even more CPW silliness:

And by the way, even though Joe Bendel didn't write this latest masterpiece, I still have him dead last among all Pittsburgh writers in my informal rankings for his uncanny ability to not only be extremely boring, but also uninformative while managing to misspell two or three words a story. I'll informally update the rankings as the season progresses.

[...]

And one more thing. The Ravens have signed a new quarterback to their practice squad and -- I'm not even kidding -- he might be the best QB on the team. Yikes.

And yes, that was when they picked up Brian St. Pierre.

Random Comments left by my Buddy Desmond the Redskins Fan
-Des accurately predicting a Steelers home loss to the Patriots.
- Des's really creepy made-up Redskins song.

Week 3: New England Patriots
Oh, the memories. Actually, as I re-read a lot of the stuff concerning Week 3, I'm amazed I wasn't more upset. Basically the game came down to an inexplicable Randle El fumble, and Tom Brady being Tom Brady in the end. The Steelers could've won, but given how things turned out, I'll let it slide:

If there's such a thing as a good loss, maybe this is an example. Yes, losing sucks, but so does the prospect that your team has absolutely no chance of making the playoffs. And don't forget, last Halloween, the Pats came into Heinz Field, got smoked, and went on to win 14 regular season games, the AFC Championship, as well as a little something called the Super Bowl. Everybody take a deep breath and relax because there's a long way to go. And don't forget about the Steelers' secret weapon: Chad Scott.

Alex leaves this comment about the Pats chances after making a few off-the-street signings:

"Pats signed Amos Zereoue to the active roster. Along with chad scott, doesnt that statistically eliminate them from the playoffs?"

The answer is: Yes. But Tom Brady is so beloved, so respected, so ... dreamy, that he single-handedly willed this team into the playoffs.

And thankfully, Randle El did realize the blunder of his ways.

... Well, that wraps up Part II of the stroll down the 2005 Season with the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Or as I like to call it, "an easy way for a really lazy guy to post something without actually having to write anything.")

Next week should be a little more interesting since the Combine will have wrapped up, and teams will have to start making some moves in anticipation of the March 3 free agency start date. And perhaps most importantly, March 3 also means Part III in this riveting season.

Martian Manny Time

Well, what do you know, it's baseball season again. The Red Sox will be basically fielding a brand new team, which means that it will take my wife until the middle of June to learn all the new names. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Heading into spring training, here's all you need to know: (1) Kevin Millar is now in Baltimore; and (2) Manny Ramirez hasn't reported to camp.

(1) makes me extremely happy. (2) doesn't make me happy, but it doesn't really bother me either. At this point, anything short of showing up to work in a Martian space ship is par for the course with Manny.

Still, I thought this story was pretty funny. (Well, it was funny on Tuesday; on Wednesday that changed it a bit. Originally Papi Ortiz was under the impression that Manny would not only miss the start of training camp, but that he would be in Italy. Let's see, four months off, and Ramirez plans his vacation the day he's supposed to go back to school. Yep, that sounds about right. Actually, Manny's "working out at home" in Florida which I take to mean "doing bong hits with Ricky Williams." (Yeah, I know, two Ricky Williams bong hit jokes in a week, but what can you do?)

***
I was all set to talk about the Tar Heels whipping up on the Wolfpack, but for some inane reason, they didn't show the game in D.C. Instead I got to follow the score on gametracker. (By the way, if ESPN's college basketball gametracker site was an ESPN on-air personality, it would be Skip Bayless. It's that bad. CBS Sportsline, on the other hand, was pretty good.) Nothing quite like reading in real-time about your team donkey punching NC State. Would've been nice to actually watch Wes Miller go for 15, however (and oh yeah, David Noel score 25).

***
Apparently, I can't type fast enough to keep up with all the suggestions flying around in the comments. I was all set to mention a few guys who could be the Next Great Slash-like Player to Follow in the Footsteps of Randle El and Kordell (NGSPFFREK; I know, it needs work), but people started re-discussing Michael Robinson without me. No worries, as is usually the case, I'm not afraid to rehash stuff, plus I've got a couple of other guys, in addition to Robinson, that could be intriguing by the time the draft rolls around.

Yesterday Jim mentioned that the Steelers like Robinson primarily as a RB. Eric likes Robinson because he went to Penn State, but is realistic about how his abilities might translate to the NFL. All I know about Robinson is what I saw in the Senior Bowl practices and in the actual game. He looked great running the ball, but he's no Tee Martin as a passer (and that's a bad thing). He's a big kid, but I have no idea how fast he is, or if he can consistently catch passes -- especially in traffic or across the middle of the field. And I really don't like the idea of him as a running back. And that's only because guys like Chris Brown (and Eddie George late in his career) routinely get the crap knocked out of them because they're tall and run so upright. It's one thing to be an effective scrambler, it a whole other situation to have to run between the tackles and worry about 350 lbs. linemen belly flopping you. But like I said yesterday, some of these questions will be addressed this week in Indy.

Still, he's not the only guy coming out of college who might should probably make the transition to another position. Two other QBs who could be intriguing mid-to-late round Jack-Of-All-Trades-type players are Texas A&M's Reggie McNeal and Missouri's Brad Smith.

On Tuesday's NFL Total Access, Mike Mayock and Corey Chavous went back and forth on a few positions.

(Yes, the Vikings safety, Corey Chavous, who comes across as one of the smartest guys in the NFL; he covered the draft with Mayock last year and did a pretty good job, and if you compare the NFL Network's coverage to the numbnuts from ESPN, it was embarrassing. Honestly, Torry Holt was the most interesting guy on ESPN's set last year, unless you think Chris Mortensen pouting because he has to share the set with Mel Kiper is interesting.)

I thought Mayock was off his rocker when he still had Jay Cutler listed as his top QB (he had Cutler #1 prior to the Senior Bowl, but I thought he might reshuffle the list after his lukewarm showing. Nope.), but Chavous did him one better when he listed Texas A&M's Reggie McNeal. This will be extremely unoriginal, but McNeal is a lot like Michael Vick: throw BBs, unbelievably fast, small for a QB, but a super athlete. And also like Vick, McNeal sometimes struggles with accuracy and decision making. Apparently scouts like McNeal better at a position other than QB, and if WR is that position, things could get interesting. He's listed at 6'2" 200 lbs. and runs a 4.32 - forty. Of course, he's never played wideout, I have no idea if he can catch or run routes, and most importantly, if he's of the opinion that he'll only play QB at the next level, he could be the newest member of the Seneca Wallace Support Group. But like I've said a million times: It's February and there's not a whole lot else to talk about.

Missouri QB Brad Smith is the other guy who might be interesting as a late round project. He's basically the same size as McNeal, a little slower, but with the same issues. And he's willing to try a new position if that means it'll increase his draft stock. One sentence that stuck out as I was reading his scouting report was this:

"There are concerns about his ability to learn the nuances of running routes and recognizing NFL coverages because he struggled to read college defenses from the quarterback position."

Yeah, I'm not sure what to make of this, since a lot of these so-called "scouting reports" aren't really more than some guy trying to scribble something down about every available player. Still, I suppose it's worth noting that this is why the Ravens haven't moved Boller to wideout. Just kidding. Maybe.

***
Things are so slow around here that we're now debating the merits of keeping Chris Hope around. OK, we've actually been debating that for the last few months, but up until the past week or so, the conversation has been some variation of, "He's Pittsburgh's most important free agent and he should be the top priority if he doesn't ask for a ridiculous contract." Given the Steelers' scheme, Jim thinks Hope is overrated. And the story about Hope blaming Foote for getting treaded against the Browns causes me a lot of cognitive dissonance, primarily because I've been a Hope supporter this season. (I do agree, however, that Hope doesn't wrap up on tackles, and have said as much in the past. I too get the impression he's more interested in knocking people silly than actually tackling them. Off the top of my head, I can only remember the Browns game as an example, though. Well, that and he missed a tackle on Rudi Johnson in the Wild Card game that resulted in a Bengals TD. But that's it. I think.) Anyway, that story did remind me of a scene from the NFL Network's Game of the Week: The Super Bowl.

After Seattle scored their first touchdown (the pass from Hasselbeck to Stevens in the end zone where Troy looked like he got caught looking inside, and he got picked), the Steelers defense was on the sidelines and the camera showed Joey Porter talking to the defensive backs.

Porter: The touchdown with the tight end, that's wide open -- we're better than that.

Hope: The touchdown with the tight end? That's James!

Porter: Whoever it is, I'm saying, 'We're better than that.' Make them earn it.

I can only assume Hope was talking about Farrior blowing a coverage, but I really have no way of knowing for sure. Still, two things stuck out to me as I watched this the first time.

First, I was really surprised to see Hope blame somebody else. One of the great things about watching the Steelers is that you seldom see a lot of histrionics on the sidelines. Even when this team was 6-10, nobody -- at least publicly -- made a peep, and there were never any Willie McGinest bitch-slapping Larry Izzo moments on the field. Just a bunch of guys playing hard. Even when Tim Lewis was the defensive coordinator, I don't remember any players complaining in the papers about his schemes. It was only after Lewis was fired did some people question what he was doing, and how he went about doing it.

Second, of all the Steelers I would expect to be "leading", Joey Porter wouldn't be in my top 10. The fact that he was more concerned with everybody doing their jobs and less concerned (or not concerned at all) with laying blame says a lot about what he thinks is important. Even after Hope made his "Blame James!" comment, Porter was more interested in the defense playing together as a unit than pointing fingers. Interesting.

So like I said, Chris Hope bashing = Ryan's cognitive dissonance. Plus, with Israel making the point that Hope always thought of himself as a first rounder even though he was taken in the third, my head starts to hurt even more. And Eric's link to ProFootballTalk.com raises even more questions about Hope's future in Pittsburgh. In the end, I think we're basically all on the same page (although this page is about the size of one of those fake checks they give you for winning a golf tournament, but with a bunch of different set-ups leading to the same punchline): If Hope's affordable, the Steelers should re-sign him. He doesn't make a lot of big plays, but more importantly, he doesn't give up a lot of big plays either. If he's not happy playing in Troy's shadow, then that's a problem. If he's content to play on a team that makes the playoff virtually every season, then all the better. Plus, as Henigin mentions, the thought of Flowers, Alexander, Scott and Washington is enough to make you want to forget the whole thing and watch women's curling.

And one more thing before I leave this subject (at least until tomorrow, I'm suspect), no one's mentioned it, but there has been absolutely no talk coming from the Steelers that they might be interested in franchising Hope. At least a year ago, you heard rumors of Plax getting tagged. Hope? Bupkus. Which again seems to reinforce Jim's contention and Eric's PFT link.

OK, I lied, there's "one more" one more thing. Although we haven't really discussed free agent replacements in the event Hope leaves, here's an interesting suggestion: Ty Law. This article makes the case for Law, all but ignoring the fact that Law says he wants something like $10 million in his next deal. Couple that with the fact that at his current pace, he's more likely to be the next Casey Hampton than Rod Woodson (not to mention that he doesn't seem like the type of person to take a paycut in order to have another shot at winning a championship; and given that he currently has three, I guess that's understandable), and I don't really see this happening. But hey, like I've said countless times before, what do I know?

OK, now I just seem mendacious, because there's still more Chris Hope Stuff. We can add Charles Robinson to the list of people now publishing their mock draft. He has Pittsburgh taking safety Darnell Bing out of USC, but more importantly, he makes the following observation:

" ... the situation with Chris Hope is troubling and he could command too much to retain in free agency. Some scouts think Bing is versatile enough to play either safety position. He has a great combination of speed and athleticism. There are personnel people who think he would be a top-15 pick if injuries hadn't slowed him down at various points in college."

This talk of Hope being a difficult re-sign seems to be a recurring theme these last few days. We'll know soon enough what to make of it (like on March 3rd).

***
A while back -- maybe last week, I can't remember -- somebody left a comment about the ESPN football crew listing their top teams heading into 2006. Tom Jackson, maybe the most Underrated Really Crappy Football Television Personality (URCFTP), had the Steelers third, followed by the Colts and then the Patriots. Honestly, I could give a rats' ass about these rankings. They're almost as ridiculous as looking to mock drafts for insight into what your favorite team will do in late April. What's particularly galling is that Tom Jackson has devolved from a gritty NFL linebacker into some dude who craps his pants whenever he hears the name, "Bill Belichick." After the Cincy Wild Card game I rehashed the whole sordid tale here (OK, it's not at all sordid, but it's definitely embarrassing in much the same way that getting caught playing with G.I. Joe dolls might be at Jackson's age).

Anyway, I only wish I could've seen Jackson's face when one of the ABC higher-ups told him that Belichick would be doing the Super Bowl, but before they also informed him that Tirico and Belichick would be on the field while the Peanut Gallery (Irvin, Berman, Young and Jackson) would be, well, in the Peanut Gallery. There aren't many certainies in football, but you can always count on Bill Cowher sporting a moustache, David Carr getting sacked 200 times a season, and Tom Jackson picking the Patriots to win while quietly pining for Belichick's forgiveness. It's pretty sad actually, but in a really funny way.

***
I came across this little bit in Dulac's latest Sporting News column:

YOUTH MOVEMENT: CB Ricardo Colclough has never developed the way the team envisioned after he was a No. 2 draft choice in 2004 and will need a good training camp if he wants more playing time next season. Colclough will battle Bryant McFadden for one of the starting corner spots, though McFadden already has the upper hand after playing as the nickel back in 2005. More likely, Colclough will battle veteran Deshea Townsend for the nickel spot if Townsend doesn't leave as a free agent.

I think somebody left a comment a few days ago about Colclough's (lack of) progress. I hope the guy comes out like gangbusters in training camp, because to date, he's been pretty tentative.

***
A couple of people have mentioned the impending doom associated with the CBA, and in all honesty, I haven't really followed it all that closely. And this is for one simple reason: if I don't acknowledge it, then it doesn't exist. You know, the same strategy used countless times by unsuspsecting victims in horror movies right before they end up having their head roll across the room. (OK, so I'm not the smartest guy in the world.) Anyway, for those of you who prefer not to stick your head in the sand on such issues, here's a really good explanation of what's going on, who's mad at whom, who's getting stabbed in the back, and who Ken Matthew's might take to the prom (and yes, that was a Sweet Valley High reference there).

OK, big day tomorrow -- round two of the Offseason Round File: Weeks 1-4 of the 2005 season. And this time with reader comments.

Mocking Mock Drafts

Two things to start:

First, this little revelation concerning the Steelers basketball roster could offer some clues into who's staying and who's going:

Q: Who are some of the members of this year's team?

A: The guys we expect to play this year are Willie Parker, Antwaan Randle El, Hines Ward, Deshea Townsend, James Harrison, Ike Taylor, Lee Mays, Chris Hope, Chris Hoke, Brett Keisel, Ricardo Colclough, Max Starks and Charlie Batch.

Very interesting. OK, not really. But it's late February, there's not a whole lot going on, and Ray Lewis won't be in town for another three months or so.

Second, I had the same thoughts as DJAnyReason after reading this article about Bettis moving to NBC to do NFL games starting next season. It wasn't that he said anything that was all that critical, it just sounds kinda weird to hear him playing personnel guy for the team he just retired from a few weeks ago. Still, I'm guessing he'll be fine -- just look at guys like Rod Woodson, Terry Bradshaw and Merrill Hoge -- all former Steelers who, for the most part, are unabashedly partisan. (OK, Bradshaw had a little tougher go of it, but all's well that ends well, right?)

***
Before jumping head long into the silly world of mock drafts, I thought I dredge up this gem from the 2003 Mock Draft Season (courtesy of The Sporting News):

2003 Draft Rumors
TARGETING: Free-agent SS Lee Flowers will not be re-signed, and FS Brent Alexander will be 32 when the season starts--and he's not very fast. So the priority will be to draft a safety in the first round-Ohio State's Mike Doss, if he's still available, or perhaps USC's Troy Polamalu, a big hitter who can run and cover. The team also would like to find a quarterback to fill the No. 3 spot behind Tommy Maddox and Charlie Batch and eventually challenge as a starter. The Steelers like Florida's Rex Grossman and California's Kyle Boller, both of whom were in for predraft workouts. Boller probably won't be available when the team picks 27th overall, but Grossman might be. If he is, the Steelers would face a tough decision of selecting him or a safety. Should the team go with a safety in Round 1, look for it to take a quarterback in the second or third round. Another area of concern is cornerback, particularly if the team decides it wants to move Chad Scott to safety. Rashean Mathis of Bethune-Cookman might be around late in the second round, and he would be a good fit. And don't rule out Cincinnati DE Antwan Peek, who would be a perfect fit at outside linebacker in the team's 3-4 defense, as a mid-round pick. The team is set with Joey Porter and Jason Gildon, but it needs some depth, and Peek could be groomed as Gildon's replacement.

- Gerry Dulac

This is from the weekly so there's no link, but TSN's mock draft had the Steelers taking QB Rex Grossman in the first round. I remember a lot of people advocating for Grossman at the time. Glad that didn't work out. I didn't realize (or maybe had pushed out of my mind), however, that Pittsburgh had brought Kyle Boller in for a predraft workout. Yikes.

If the Steelers had taken Boller in the first round and passed on Troy Polamalu, the ripple effect would've probably resulted in the team winning no more than eight games in each of the last two seasons. And I'm being generous. I'm pretty sure you could replace the word "Boller" in the previous sentence with "Grossman", and the results would be pretty much the same. This just goes to show how arbitrary the whole draft process really is. Obviously, a lot of it is determined through scouting, but at some point, gut feelings, recent workout performances, word-of-mouth, and politics all play a role. I guess we should all say a little prayer of thanks for the Ravens keeping Billick around one more year.

***
Now, the moment we've all been waiting for. OK, maybe that's overselling it a bit, but like I said earlier, it's late February, and since no Pittsburgh player has been robbed at a strip club or arrested for being a numbnut in the past 24 hours, this is what we're going with. Since I really haven't given this much thought, I guess the best thing to do is to list a couple of sites that have mock drafts (feel free to list other sites you find particuarly interesting, noteworthy, ridiculous, offensive, ... whatever), and maybe comment on the players mentioned, as well as some other players that might fit the description of what the Steelers are looking for. So here goes:

NFLDraftCountdown.com
WR - Sinorice Moss, Miami

DraftBoardInsider.com
C - Nick Mangold, Ohio State

The Sporting News ($$ registration)
DT - Rodrique Wright, Texas
WR - Greg Lee (2nd round)

CollegeFootballNews.com
RB - Laurence Maroney, Minnesota

Ourlads.com
S - Darnell Bing, USC

Before I get started, I should probably throw this out there: I watch almost zero college football. But I love all the evaluating, poking, prodding, player personnel stuff that goes on in the months and weeks leading up to the draft. I know, it's weird, but every time I try and sit through a college football game, my eyes glaze over after about 15 minutes. Put these same college guys in the RCA Dome running the forty, doing goofy cone drills, or running the gauntlet, and I'm glued to the television. (You know the gauntlet, that receiving drill where QBs stand about four feet away from wideouts as they try and make all these crazy catches while running the width of the field. I wouldn't be surprised if it's right out of American Gladiators -- it's that silly.) What can I say, I like seeing 350 lbs. linemen running around in spandex.

... With that disclaimer out of the way, let's get to it. First, NFLDraftCountdown.com has Pittsburgh taking Sinorice Moss with the 32nd pick. I tend to agree with Henigin, who said last week that the Steelers probably wouldn't take Moss because he's a "U" guy. (By the way, the last time Pittsburgh drafted a guy from the University of Miami, it was T Leon Searcy in the first round of the 1992 draft.) And given that Pittsburgh has plenty of other holes to fill, brining in Moss seems like a wasted pick -- at least as a first rounder, anyway.

The NFL Network's draft guy, Mike Mayock, currently has only Ohio State's Santonio Holmes getting a first round grade. (Of course, this will all change as the Combine comes and go, and teams start having players workout individually, but look, you're going to have to suspend reality a bit to get the most out of this exercise. Well, either that or do some yoga and a couple of bong hits, Ricky Williams-style. It's up to you). And he has Moss third on his list (and currently a second round pick) after Oregon's Demetrius Williams. Yeah, before the Senior Bowl, I had never heard of Williams either.

Two other names worth mentioning here are Pitt's Greg Lee, and Notre Dame's Maurice Stovall. Both WRs are big (Lee's 6'1", Stovall is 6'4") and some scouts think that both need to prove they can get open down the field. I'm less enamored with height than I once was, and in fact, I think it's often overrated, but that doesn't mean you should totally rule out big guys. It just means that you shouldn't overpay for them. Which leads nicely to my next point. Roethlisberger's former college WR, Martin Nance, will be drafted this spring, and he's a big target (6'4"). Again, there are some questions about his ability to get open down the field, his willingness to go across the middle, and his work ethic. It's great that he's really tall, but unless he can get open, who gives a crap? Then all he's good for is the off-season travelling basketball team (see above). And for all of those people who think that Ben needs a big receiver he feels comfortable with (and that used to be me last off-season when I was hoping the Steelers would re-sign Plax), he already has one: Heath Miller. And he seemed pretty comfortable throwing to Hines, and as the season progressed, Randle El and Wilson.

And one more thing: Walter Young, the 6'4" 215 lbs. wideout, is entering year number three with the Steelers ... all on the practice squad. Every summer the coaches talk about how much Young has improved, and every summer he gets cut and ends up back on the practice squad. One more example of how height isn't the end-all be-all. Just in case you needed a reminder from three sentences ago.

We've discussed here the merits of somebody like Michael Robinson or Jeremy Bloom, and I'm guessing we'll have a better idea of where these guys might be available based on their performances at this week's Combine.

... DraftboardInsider.com currently has C Nick Mangold going to the Steelers. I've gone back and forth on this, and if it happened, I would probably be fine with it, but it's worth noting that only three centers have been taken in the first round in the past 10 years. And if either Hartings re-works his deal, or Okobi moves into the starting job, I'm not sure it makes sense to draft a backup in the first round when there are potentially other team needs. (By the way, as I was re-reading some of the old Sporting News', I came across a training camp update from 2003 that mentioned how well Okobi looked, and how he impressed a lot of people with his play in 2002, when Hartings missed five games with balky knees. Yeah, I forgot about that too.)

... Of the mock drafts listed above, I think I like TSN's the best (at least as far as first round picks go). Again, I would have no idea who Rodrique Wright if I saw him walking down the street, but based on one scout's opinion, he seems like a good fit for the Steelers.

(Another potentially meaningless sidenote: as I was strolling down Memory Lane -- predraft Steelers style -- year after year, one theme seemeed to trump all others: "Pittsburgh needs to draft a defensive end!" Every year, like clockwork, you could expect to read it. Maybe it's because they forgot to update that paragraph from one year to the next, or maybe somebody actually thought it was a legitmate need, even after watching Aaron Smith and Kimo Von Oelhoffen have solid seasons the last 3 or 4 years. Whatever. I actually think this year, could finally be that year. Unless the Steelers re-sign Keisel and/or Kimo, of course. Then I can change my mind.)

And let's just assume that Pittsburgh's only able to sign either Keisel or Kimo (but only one), Wright could be, at least on paper, a solid pick (I suppose you could use the "at least on paper" defense for most draft picks, but I'd quickly point out Scott Shields, Will Blackwell, and Alonzo Jackson as exeptions). Anyway, Wright's listed at 6-4, 306 lbs. and runs (or, at one time, ran) a 5.00 - forty. One major concern -- at least if you're drafting this guy -- is that he's been labeled as an underachiever. But hey, Trai Essex went into the draft with the same problem last year, and look at him now. Well, maybe not right now -- he's in lockup -- but after he gets out in a couple of days. Look at him then.

... CollegeFootballNews.com has RB Laurence Maroney going to Pittsburgh and, yeah, I'm pretty much against taking almost all running backs in the first round. As an organization, you end up overpaying for production you can find cheaper, later in the draft (and you knew I was going to say this: or through free agency). Remember the 2004 draft, when all people could talk about was Kevin Jones and Steven Jackson? Both are nice players, but certainly aren't significantly better than some running backs taken after them. Unless you can convince me that the Steelers are about to draft the next Jim Brown, I think taking a running back early is a waste of money.

... Finally, Ourlads.com likes the Steelers taking S Darnell Bing first. Interestingly, Mike Mayock talked about defensive backs last Friday (and linebackers too -- see below) and the only safety he currently has as a first rounder was Ohio State's Donte Whitner (and part of that was because he thinks Texas' Michael Huff will be better as a cornerback). He's 5'11", 205 lbs., fast, a great tackler, and apparently likes to knock the crap out of people. By the way, Mayock currently has Bing going in the third round.

...CollegeFootballNews.com is also listed on the FOXSports site, but for some reason, FOX hasn't thought to update the link. Currently, they have the Steelers taking OLB Ernie Sims from Florida State. dirtwinston mentioned D'Qwell Jackson last week, and when Mayock discussed this group of linebackers, I thought he was going to stark making out with his draft board. He has Sims listed second behind A.J. "I make Dan Morgan look normal in comparison" Hawk, followed by Chad Greenway and then Jackson. Sims is a junior listed as 5'11" 226 lbs., and purportedly runs in the 4.4 - 4.5 range. (I find that almost impossible to believe, and if it's true, I've got one word for you: safety. Seriously, think about that for a minute. If the Steelers were able to get Sims, and successfully convert him to safety, in their base defense they would have SIX linebackers on the field [I'm including Troy here] who can all cover tight ends, with both of the safeties being pretty good against most slot receivers. And oh yeah, the unit is fast as crap -- especially if Keisel stays -- and like to hit people in the mouth. OK, now I'm psyched -- I gotta go watch Karate Kid while listening to the theme from Rocky.)

OK, the Shuttle's landed. Back to Sims: Mayock compares him to Derrick Brooks and Jonathan Vilma -- two guys who are undersized, but you wouldn't know it from watching them play.

D'Qwell Jackson plays inside, but much like my No Need to Draft a Center argument above, I think the same holds for the ILB position ... at least in the first round. Still, as long as we're here, we might as well talk about it. Jackson is 6'0", 227 lbs, which makes him an inch taller and a few pounds lighter than Larry Foote, who, by most accounts, is undersized. Mayock thinks Jackson could play either inside or outside in the NFL, but there's no way in hell he can play outside in the 3-4 unless he's willing to pack on 25 lbs. Still, Mayock loves the guy, and thinks he will be an impact player at the next level. With this draft being so deep at linebacker, the Steelers might be better off addressing other, more pressing needs, early and getting a linebacker later, especially if it's of the converting-a-DE-to-OLB variety. Although, I will say this, Jackson might be the easiest guy in the draft to nickname: DQ. Whenever he lays somebody out, you can just say, "Man, that dude got 'DQ'd'". Yeah, I know, I'm a genius.

Feel free to add your thoughts, or other mock draft sites that can help waste the time from now until the actual draft. Also let me know if you've seen any of these guys play, and any thoughts you might have on how they looked. And also don't forget -- this will all change next week, after the Combine, and the week after that, and every week leading up to the draft. Personally, I think NFL-types do that on purpose just to keep things interesting. And that's fine by me.

Uh Oh

Well, it looks like Ray Lewis has a better than 50/50 chance of landing in Pittsburgh next season. From the article:

"Baltimore linebacker Ray Lewis has made it known that he wants out, and now it looks like the Ravens front office will oblige. Rumors have AFC North rival Pittsburgh showing interest in the 30-year-old perennial Pro Bowler. Lewis was upset with the Ravens organization for not reworking his contract, but sources say that he will take a pay cut if he has the opportunity to go to a winner. Kevin Colbert, Pittsburgh's director of player personnel, indicated that the Steelers were looking to project more of a 'Raiders image' and that would explain the addition of Lewis. It would also shed some light on the recent law enforcement run-ins of running back Duce Staley and offensive lineman Trai Essex. There are also reports that Lewis nicknamed head coach Brian Billick 'Marmaduke' because, well, it was funny."

OK, I made that up (I'm guessing the Marmaduke comment gave me away), but raise your hand if the thought of Ray Lewis coming to Pittsburgh made you crap your pants? This is what happens when I drive to visit the in-laws and have seven hours in a car to think up really ridiculous stuff. Sadly, this was the best I could come up with. Still, no matter how poorly written -- or inane -- I'm guessing it had the desired, "holy bejesus" effect. Nice.

... Eric left a link to this story in the Denver Post about "people are worried about Ben Roethlisberger's attitude". The author, Bill Williamson, claims that:

"Roethlisberger raised eyebrows when he turned down a chance to replace Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer in the Pro Bowl and went to the Grammy Awards instead."

Williamson also mentions that the early success could affect Roethlisberger's work ethic. Of course, he doesn't provide any examples of why this might be the case, but whatever, we'll just mark those up to pesky details. Well, I should clarify the previous sentence. Williamson does provide one: Ben missing the Pro Bowl. Great example, by the way.

So let me get this straight, the same quarterback who admittedly crapped the bed during the 2004 playoffs and spent the spring of 2005 in Pittsburgh getting more familiar with the offense, now, after one more year in the league, thinks he doesn't need to improve? Hmmm. Sounds fishy. Maybe Williamson knows something the rest of us don't, but when he starts citing "league insiders" and "many scouts" as sources, I imagine he just needed something to write about.

Interestingly, he didn't mention another QB who passed up on an opportunity to go to the Pro Bowl: Tom Brady. If anybody's got a reason to mail it in, it's this guy. I mean, he's got three Super Bowls, and according to most of the chuckleheads on ESPN, he's actually perfected the game. The word on the street is that Brady passed on Hawaii because of his sports hernia injury. Of course, he showed up playing golf at the Pebble Beach AT&T that same week, but hey, apparently golf's not a real sport, so maybe the sports hernia doesn't come into play. Honestly, I could give a crap that Brady didn't play in the Pro Bowl. Only bad things can come from participating in that game (ask Rod Smith), and if Brady would rather play golf, good for him.

And the same for Ben. If you're Williamson and your main reason for writing that dopey article is that Roethlisberger skipped the Pro Bowl to kick it at the Grammys, then, well, in the immortal words of Fred Smoot (pre-Love Boat incident), "you're skrugglin'". And before anybody says that Brady has a legitimate excuse because he was injured, yeah, so was Ben. (At least I don't think Roethlisberger was Michael Jacksoning it out with the one glove thing as some sort of weird fashion statement. Did he have it on during the Grammy presentation?)

OK, I've re-read the last few paragraphs and now I'm mad. I'm mad that I wasted the time to even respond to this silly stuff. Damn you Bill Williamson!

(By the way, there are reports coming out of Denver that Bill Williamson has raised eyebrows by writing particularly ridiculous stuff these past few weeks. Editors at the Post fear that Williamson's long, mediocre career has affected his work ethic, and the fact that he watched every 2005 Denver Broncos football game from the comfort of his own basement -- equipped with Kegerator -- instead of actually attending the games in person, only increased those concerns.)

... Len Pasquarelli writes that the Steelers consider Chris Hope a priority.

"Although there has been no formal contract proposal yet, the Pittsburgh Steelers have made verbal overtures aimed at retaining Chris Hope and will try to keep their starting free safety off the unrestricted market."

And this next little bit actually caught my eye:

here appears to be no viable replacement on the roster for Hope, who is often overshadowed by Pro Bowl strong safety Troy Polamalu but who is an integral part of the Steelers' defense.

[...]

His range is a primary reason that Pittsburgh can afford to use Polamalu in so many different ways and is a key to the cover-3 schemes the Steelers deploy so often in third-and-long situations.

Hmmm. Thanks to Jim Wexell's comments last week, every time I hear Hope's name, all I can now think about is Deshea Townsend being the cheap FS alternative if Hope bolts. And Pittsburgh can draft a safety early, and hopefully groom him to take over in 2007. But I'm getting way too far ahead of myself.

Well, not that far, because I plan on talking about the draft tomorrow. Seriously, how ridiculous are mock drafts? I'd guess only slightly less ridiculous than me checking about three or four different ones every few days for updates. It's pretty sad, actually. But hey, that's where we're at?

... Rowdy has this link to a USA Today story on Troy Polamalu. Interesting stuff about LeBeau mixing up the game plan late in the week, and Rowdy also had some draft thoughts:

With the draft coming up, I've been thinking about that 2003 draft. Polamalu was everyone's top safety, with Mike Doss a close second. If I remember right, a lot of mock drafts had him slipping -- because of injury concerns -- to the end of round 1. Then the Steelers traded lower picks to get him at #16. What was the injury concern? Concussions? Back problem? Maybe it wasn't injury concerns, but there was some knock on Polamalu that had him available on everyone's mock draft board for the Steelers. Then the Steelers had to go get him at #16, surprising a lot of people; was it because everyone knew the Steelers wanted him (and nobody else--remember the Dexter Jackson "snub")? And you know the rest of the league looks up to the Steelers when it's time to study the art of the draft. Did any other news about that trading up ever come out?

That was also the draft, right, where they "reached" on CB Ike Taylor?

If I recall correctly, I think there were concerns with Troy having a bunch of concussions heading into the draft. I remember some mention of that, and (knock on wood) Troy's been one of the healthiest guys on the team during his time in Pittsburgh. The only person I remember really hating the Ike Taylor pick, was Tons-o-Fun (dated April 30, 2003):

"Taylor was a tailback at Louisiana-Lafayette in 2001, making the team as a walk-on. Taylor's draft profile on NFL.com says he did not play in 2000 because he "concentrated on academics." Before that, he was a Prop 48. Before that, he was dumb. Probably still is.

Probably not dumb enough to pick himself in the fourth round, though. This pick makes no sense. On a scale of one to 10, Ourlads Scouting Service gave Taylor a one. They projected him to be drafted when hell froze over."

Once again, solid work.

***
I guess I should mention that the Tar Heels beat some team formerly known as Wake Forest on Sunday. One of the kinda funny-in-a-weird-way stories leading up to this game was this little bit on Reyshwan Terry from the News & Observer:

"But a lack of focus had been the most frustrating thing about the wing forward from Winston-Salem ever since he came to Carolina as the only scholarship player in former coach Matt Doherty's final recruiting class.

All too often, Terry would make a jaw-dropping bucket only to give the points back by losing his man on defense. When he was a freshman, teammates even dubbed him "Radio" -- after the loveable but mentally challenged character in the movie of the same name -- because he was slow to pick plays up in practice."

It's never really a good idea to make fun of the "mentally challenged", but I mention it here because "Radio" is the nickname some Baltimore Ravens fans gave Anthony Wright after his, uh, uneven performances last season. In fact, there are currently 948 posts in the the "Photoshop Suggestion Contest" (which, not surprisingly, is right after the " No way in hell Kyle Boller" thread), where industrious Ravens fans superimpose pictures of Cuba Gooding's mug on Wright's body. If www.morbidcuriosity.com was a real website, I'm guessing this is the type of stuff you'd find on it.

OK, more tomorrow.

Offseason Round File

*Since it's the offseason for the Steelers and news about free agency and the draft kinda ebbs and flows this time of year, I figured now would be a great time to look back at some of the stuff I wrote, and you guys commented, during the 2005 season. And yes, I'm doing this because I'm blindingly lazy. Well, that, and it's always fun to go back and see how dumb you sounded at certain points during the season.

I'll start with training camp and preseason today, and over the next few Fridays, I'll progress through the season four games at a time or so. That should keep us busy for the next month, anyway. And one more thing: as I went back into the archives, I noticed HaloScan removes comments after four months. This kinda makes it tough to make fun of you guys without access to what you wrote. No worries, however. For the small, small donation of $12 a year, comments can be restored. I checked with the HSS accountant, and we actually have the funds available (and a few nickels left over for the weekly twelver of PBR), so for the next few Fridays, I'll be including those puppies for public ridicule.

And before we jump in the Way-back-to-August machine, Henigin gets today's gold star for not only breaking the story wide open on the two mystery Steelers in the PIT-WVU photo, but for also reading my mind about the Sinorice Moss-going-to-Pittsburgh-in-the-draft murmurs. And as long as I'm yapping about the draft, next week seems like a good time to throw out some names for discussion, so see if that gets you through the weekend. (One more thing: Total Access has Mike Mayock -- think Mel Kiper but actually good at his job -- discussing the draft all this week, and if you don't have the NFL Network, you can see the segments on NFL.com.)

And with that, back to preseason ...

Training Camp/Preseason

-Monday, August 08, 2005
"I guess it's really not surprising that Duce is injured, since it's as inevitable as Manny asking to be traded, but the fact that it happened the first week -- the first day -- of training camp is kind of a problem. Next in line is the Bus, who's made it clear to anyone who'll listen that if he has to start 16 games this season he might die. And I don't think he's kidding. Literally keel over."

OK, raise your hand if you had flashbacks to the 2003 season when it came out that Duce was having knee surgery the FIRST WEEK OF CAMP. I don't know how differently the season would've ended with Duce healthy for 16 games (OK, let's be realistic, Duce wouldn't have lasted an entire season, but lets suspend reality for the sake of conversation), but watching Willie Parker have the season he did was a lot of fun.

-Monday, August 15, 2005
And even though [James] Harrison is a former undrafted free agent, the bigger surprise may be the improved play of 2003 second rounder, Alonzo Jackson. He might actually dress for games this season. OK, that's not that impressive, but to hear Cowher and LeBeau tell it, he's actually looking good at camp. I'll reserve judgment until after tonight's game.

Yep, it's quotes like these that get you an automatic induction into the CPW. And solid call on that one. Interestingly, Jackson ended up on the Giants and actually started a couple of games this season. The one game I watched against the Redskins brought back a flood of "He can't be that bad can he?" thoughts.

...Thanks to the insightful-as-always commentary of the three stooges (Theismann, Patrick, McGuire), the first comment following the [Willie] Williams TD was something to the effect of, "Boy, maybe the Eagles might want to keep T.O. after all." Here's a thought. Maybe it's the first preseason game of the year for both teams and a receiver ran the wrong route.

Willie Williams scored a touchdown? Geez, I had to think long and hard about that play. If I remember correctly, it was something like an 8-yard interception return on a play in the right flat. That turned out to be Williams' biggest play of the season. I know he's as good as gone, but for a guy drafted in the 80th round, and the last surviving member of the 1995 team, I'm glad he got a ring.

-Friday, August 19, 2005
I think I've found ESPN's next great treasure. His name is Adam Schein and he currently hosts a radio show on Sirius. He also wrote a pretty silly article for Fox Sports a couple of days ago ... The title to Schein's piece is "Steelers are already in big trouble," with the subtitle reading, "The Pittsburgh Steelers are not going to the Super Bowl." Fine. The Steelers might be in big trouble; they certainly might not go to the Super Bowl.

I love articles like this. So easy to make fun of, not only at the time it was originally published, but for months to follow. For the full treatment, you should probably read it in its entirety, especially the part about Max Starks single-handedly sinking Pittsburgh's season. I don't think Schein could've been more wrong if had used a random word generator to write this column.

-Monday, August 22, 2005
When the game finally did get underway, both Miami and Pittsburgh tried to see if they could collectively set the preseason record for most turnovers in a contest. And they gave a valiant effort. In 60 minutes of work, the two sides combined for eleven turnovers. The Dolphins ran away with first prize however, accounting for eight of the them (eight!). Despite the conditions, it was still worth watching, if for no other reason than to see the new mullet Tommy Maddox is now sporting.

And like Willie Williams, Tommy Maddox's best moments came during the preseason. When everybody was more concerned with his hairdo. And nobody had a clue that he had aged in double dog years squared over the summer. There was also this little tidbit from the Herald-Standard:

"As late as Thursday, a source with the Steelers called Hope's demands "unreasonable." Colbert, though, wouldn't rule anyone out."

Hmmm.

-Thursday, August 25, 2005
"For months, we've noticed a curious phenomenon in the 'Burgh. The fans love quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. The organization coddles him. The local media (for the most part) won't criticize him.

And, per multiple league sources, many of his teammates hate him.

That's right, hate. Offensive line? Hate. Other quarterbacks on the roster? Hate. Members of the defense? Hate.

The only guys on offense we can't get a feel for are the receivers and running backs. Our guess is that the pass-catchers and ball-toters know not to express any displeasure with the guy primarily responsible for distributing the pigskin."

This might be my favorite story from the preseason. ProFootballTalk.com broke the story on everybody on the team (except the Bus, of course) hating the crap out of Roethlisberger. I can only hope they want to beat him with a tire iron next season.

-Monday, August 29, 2005
Watching the Steelers - Redskins game live was a lot like seeing a herd of buffalo go over a cliff. You can see it coming from a long ways off, you're pretty sure it'll be excruciating to watch, but there's not much you can do about it.

[...]

On the fourth series Wilson dropped a pass that hit him in the hands (and would've gone for a first down), and Lee Mays stood flat-footed on a comeback route that was easily broken up by the defensive back. And I don't even blame Mays here. The guy's been not coming back for passes forever, but Roethlisberger looks to get him the ball a lot more frequently than Mays probably deserves. Maybe someone should explain to Ben that Mays isn't the first (or second, or third) option on most patterns.

Alright, this was from the last preseason game, when everybody and their brother (myself included) had already convinced themselves that Roethlisberger was in full-season sophomore slump mode, even though it was late August. Plus, it gave me a chance to work in a Lee Mays reference, which is always a fun time.

***
Okey doke, next Friday I'll hopefully have all the comments restored and I can start making fun of everybody. I'm thinking Weeks 1-4 (Titans, Texans, Pats, and Chargers), and we'll go from there. Early next week sometime I'll take a look at some draft stuff.

Sincerely,


Ralph



... or maybe this:

40

"Without Tyler, I don't think we'd be anything as good as we are,'' said forward David Noel, UNC's senior leader after losing its top seven players from last year's NCAA title team. "If you take away a guy like Tyler, we're probably looking at an 0-and-whatever record. ... He's definitely carried us this far, so hopefully, we can just continue to ride him."

The thing is, Noel's probably right. The Tar Heels would be 0-22 if it wasn't for Hansbrough. Last night against Georgia Tech he dropped 40. UNC had 82 total points. Yeah, that'll work. Almost more amazing than the fact that Hansbrough broke a bunch Dean Dome scoring records is that the Tar Heels were down 20 at one point in the first half. Twenty! To a Yellow Jackets team that was 3-8 in the conference, averaging 66% from the line and 38% from behind the arc. In the first twenty minutes? GT was perfect from the foul line and 9 for 10 on 3-pointers. It wasn't like these guys were getting wide open looks either. They were just on fire.

Still, Hansbrough had 23 points in the first half, and in the second half, the rest of the Tar Heels got in on the act. David Noel had two monstrous dunks, Reyshawn missed another, Wes Miller started hitting some threes, and Georgia Tech started missing everything they attempted.

It's also worth noting that UNC had fewer turnovers than their opponent (13-20). I don't know when that last happened, but if I had to guess, it would be: "the 2004-05 season." Also, Quentin Thomas is slowing making a run at Wes Miller's spot on the HSS No-Name Hall of Fame. He played 12 minutes last night, had one measly turnover, three assists and scored three points. My buddy Andy's still not sold on Quentin as a legit ACC point guard, and he's right. But right now, I feel like the guy who's son is the worst little leaguer on the team, and every time he doesn't strike out (even if that means he has to get hit by the pitch), it's a victory. Same with Quentin. Except I think he's too old to play little league. Either way, the guy's getting better. (You won't believe this until you see it -- I know I didn't -- but Thomas and Frasor have similar assist-to-turnover ratios. Now, I don't know how psyched Frasor would be to hear that his A/T is 1.9 and Thomas's is 1.8, but that's where we're at.)

Finally, I saw this in today's News and Observer and just the visual of Hansbrough "attacking the iron in the weight room is enough to make me chuckle. It actually makes sense after seeing Tyler, after being fouled on a potential three-point play under the basket, look up at the basket and yell, "Come on!" like he was mad at the rim for not making the ball go in:

The 6-foot-9 forward earned his "Psycho T" nickname from his strength coach who saw him attack the iron in the weight room. On Wednesday, he earned it again for the way he attacked the iron on the court.

***
More Random Steelers Stuff

... First things first. Julie raises a very important issue, and one that I obviously should've discussed a few days ago. Yep, that's right, the photo of the Steelers B-listers attending the Pit-WVU game in their full gameday getup (OK, they didn't bring their helmets, or their pads, or their game pants for that matter -- well except for Jeff Reed -- but those are minor details).

Anyway, let's take a look at the photo, player-by-player. From the left we have Antwaan Randle El. It would be easy to make an Arnold Jackson joke here, so I will. Randle El looks like Arnold Jackson. The cousin Eddie mock turtleneck, his Sunday School pants and the Bluetooth earpiece completes this ridiculous ensemble. Next to Randle El is Jeff Reed, who by the looks of it, just lost a bet. Of course, it could just be the case that Reed is trying to start a whole new denim koulots-Fame headband thing, which would explain a lot.

Simmons is the most normal looking of the bunch, and Brett Keisel looks to be making some sort of gang sign. Or maybe it's some kind of Mormon thing. Here's a question: why is Ricardo Colclough shorter than Jeff Reed? Other than this appearance, Greg Warren's mug was last in the paper when he and Morey and Gardocki tried to run that unintentional fake punt against the Ravens on Monday night. Good times. Given that Stuvaints blew up his knee, and was re-signed during the season after somebody went down with an injury, I think it's safe to say that he's lapping up every Super Bowl-related moment while he still has a job. And I can't blame him. Yeah, probably not a good idea to poke the bear, so I'll leave Art Rooney Jr. out of this.

... I'm not comfortable commenting on Tyrone Carter replacing Chris Hope as the starting free safety because, well, if I'm not laudatory in my remarks, he'll kill me. And I'm not speaking euphemistically here. I'm serious. He made it quite clear that if I spoke in unflattering terms about his playing ability he would add my skull to his ice cream truck. That is all I can say. That is all I will say.

... There was also a mention of Jeremy Bloom as a potential return specialist. He's flying from the Olympics straight to the Combine, so that's something to look for. Although, I saw a piece him on Total Access last night and he's very, very small. I mean Topher Grace small. And while he might be a great return guy, some NFL scout-types are concerned about his ability to do much else (like catch passes, or take hits). I guess the Steelers could add another player to the roster who's sole purpose is special teams ace (maybe Sean Morey and Chidi Iwuoma can get shirts made up that read, "Chicks dig guys who can only play special teams"), but at some point Pittsburgh's going to run out of roster spots.

... Speaking of Total Access, Mike Pereira, head of officials, was finally on to talk about the Super Bowl calls. Rich Eisen, who still believes that Ben didn't score on the touchdown (or at least he acts like he doesn't believe he scored), got Pereira to explain five of the biggest calls:

(1) Offensive pass interference on Darrell Jackson
(2) Ben's TD
(3) Darrell Jackson kicking the pylon
(4) Locklear hold
(5) Hasselbeck personal foul

Here's what I wrote right after the Super Bowl:

It'll be interesting to hear how Mike Pereira explains the calls this Wednesday. I suspect he'll say the officials blew the low block on Hasselbeck and maybe clarify the pylon ruling, but otherwise, he might not give too much ground on the other calls.

And guess what? That's exactly what happened. Of course, some of these calls were so clear-cut that it's like me predicting the sun will come up tomorrow, so it's not all that impressive, but hey, I'll take it. Seriously, looking back at all the mock outrage concerning the officiating, a lot of it came from people making ridiculous accusations without knowing the rules (see (1) and (3), for example). I'm sure Pereira's appearance won't change anything, but neither will all the bitching and moaning from the Spooky Mulder faction.

... Jeebus Duce, get your story straight. Honestly, at this point, does it even make sense trying to change your retelling of the events ... as they unfolded ... at a gentlemen's club ... at four in the morning ... while you were wearing 100 grand worth of jewelry? Yeah, I didn't think so. Israel mentions that the Steelers might be inclined to take a running back on the first day of the draft, and that's probably a good idea.

... Hey, Jim Wexell, one of my favorite Steelers beat writers, left a comment about Chris Hope, and he's not a big fan. Interesting stuff. I've mentioned before that Hope isn't the best tackler, but I think a lot of that has to do with him trying to lay people out without wrapping them up (with the notable exception of Reuben Droughns, who just bulldozed Hope all Sunday night long in their first regular season get-together). I agree that the Steelers shouldn't overpay for this guy, but I think they should make him a competitive offer. Of course, part of my problem is that I like keeping teams together and that's why I'll never be a GM (along with the fact that I'm spectacularly underqualified, bad at balancing my own checkbook [OK, I don't even have a checkbook], and can't even mistake my way into a decent draft in Madden -- which I guess qualifies me for the Detroit job). Right now, I'm still in the Hope camp, but after reading Wexell's thoughts, it does make me feel better about the Steelers' personnel situation heading into the offseason, whatever happens. Although, the fact that he agrees with reader Bill W. makes me wonder if they're the same person. But then again, Israel pretty much agreed with Bill W. too. Hmmm. Very interesting.

... As some of you may or may not know, I write the AFC North offseason articles for Football Outsiders. The first of these went up on Tuesday (and only had, like, 18 factual mistakes) and then was posted on FOXSports.com on Wednesday night. Well, I had this email waiting for me Thursday morning:

Hi Ralph,

read your article on Fox about the Ravens QB situation

boller is a bust, we all know that, but after that debacle, they would have to be idiots to follow up with McNair (lots of heart, but body's toooo beat up), Collins (days as a starter are over, if he can't throw to Moss, he's done), Charlie Batch??????? Pleeeeeease, where did that come from, the Titanic/

Culpepper, if he can ever play again, maybe.

gotta say again....Batch, that is toooo funny!

The reader's point on Charlie Batch is well taken and I have no problem with it. Actually, I don't have a problem with any of it. In fact, my favorite part is when he addresses me as, "Hi Ralph." Awesome. And I've always wanted a nickname. Ralph. Yeah, I like the ring of that. I always thought of myself as a Ralph Macchio type, but tougher.

More Free Agency Stuff (Free Gavin Walls Edition)

I got an email the other day from Steelers fan Bill W., who's been reading this blog for almost as long as I've been writing it (and yes, that's the textbook definition of a masochist). He had some thoughts on the Steelers' impending free agency situation. And since it's a little too early to start talking about the draft (yeah right), this seems like as good a time as any to get another perspective (just in case all these weren't enough). So, here goes:

*Hartings - big renegotiate or walk;
*Townsend - could he play safety? - I like him on the field - let Hope test the market;
*Keisel - He looks really good - pursue aggressively;
*Kimo take less and back-up or ... ;
*Duce - this could be his year - we need a big guy;
*Batch - definite keep - shouldn't be hard;
*Randle El -Is there some way we can keep him?;
*Morgan - keep at a fair price;
*And please get Ike signed up long term.

*And one question, since I can't make up my mind: How good is Foote?

... I think almost everybody here is in agreement on Hartings. He needs to take a humongous paycut, or we'll be talking about Chukky Okobi playing center next season. The thing is, if Hartings stays, it probably means Okobi's gone since he's slated to make $2.5 million in 2006. The last month or so I've been pimping Ohio State center Nick Mangold, but after some fishing around, I found out that of the 32 starting centers in the NFL last season, only three were taken in the first round. And two of those, Mr. Hartings, and Pete Kendall of the Jets, were drafted as guards (Cleveland's Jeff Faine was the other first rounder). On average, NFL centers are drafted in the fifth round, as in five point zero. What's more, six of the starters were signed as free agents. So my point, after initially being OK with the whole Mangold-to-the-Steelers-in-the-first-round scenario is this: re-sign Hartings at Jerome Bettis bargain basement prices, or go with Okobi. LeCharles Bentley shouldn't even be an option unless he's willing to sign a ridiculously lowball contract. And before anybody hops on the Bentley-to-replace-Simmons-at-guard train, let's not forget that Simmons got a lot better in the second half of the season, and in the playoffs in particular. I don't know how much sense it makes to replace him with Kemoeatu getting buried on the depth chart.

... My first reaction to the Deshea-to-safety suggestion was "no way." But after thinking about it, it's not a bad idea. Townsend's decidedly undersized for a free safety, but he's also a sure tackler, good against the run, and great in coverage. And, like Bill mentions, it keeps him on the field. I disagree with letting Hope test free agency outright, though. I think the Steelers HAVE to make him a competitive offer and then go from there. But if Hope is looking to cash in (and honestly, who can blame him?), Pittsburgh might've never had a realistic shot. And then the questions becomes, "who's going to play safety now?" Obviously, drafting a safety early is an option, but there's a lot of responsibility that goes along with playing centerfield (just ask Chris Hope; it took him three years to see the field, and that was with Brent Alexander in front of him), which means that the Steelers would see the dividends later rather than sooner. And that doesn't solve the immediate problem of not having a free safety. I also suppose Pittsburgh could bring in a wily free agent, but there's still the issue of learning the defense, and you'll have to pay a premium for anybody worth a damn. I mean, I suppose we could scare Lee Flowers out of the mothballs for one more run, but that kinda defeats the purpose. So we're back to Mr. Townsend.

You don't hear a lot about cornerbacks successfully making the switch to safety, so I don't know if Deshea would be able to do it. I do know he's tough, can tackle, can cover, and knows the defense as well as anybody on the team not named LeBeau (and Kreiwaldt). And given the choice between him, Stuvaints and Logan, I think I'll take Deshea. Plus, this strategy could allow the Steelers to take a safety early, and groom him for the starting spot in 2007. Of course, this could all be avoided by re-signing Chris Hope, but that's easier said than done.

... OK, can we all agree that Keisel has to be re-signed? Or does he? I have no idea how Eric found this this article on Winnipeg Blue Bombers DE Gavin Walls, but whatever -- it's pretty interesting. This Walls character was the CFL's 2005 Most Outstanding Rookie and is being courted by the Steelers and the Vikings. He's 26-years-old, 6'2", 235 lbs. I'm not sure what Pittsburgh would do with him since he's about 30 lbs. lighter than either Porter or Haggans and about 70-80 lbs. lighter than Kimo or Aaron Smith. Who knows, maybe he's the 2007 starting free safety.

... I'm of the opinion that Duce could also have a big year in 2006. Like my buddy Andy said last season, Duce was pretty damn good in 2004 when he was able to stay healthy. Yeah, I know, that's a big "if'. And he'll be 31 when the season starts, but if nothing else, he should be healthy heading into training camp -- something he couldn't say last August. Staley's supposed to make a couple million next season, and some people have suggested he might be asked to take a paycut, or worse, Pittsburgh might cut him outright. Renegotiating is one thing, but I'm not sure releasing him is such a hot idea. Even if they can re-sign Verron Haynes, that means that the Steelers either have to draft a running back and throw him into the mix immediately, or sign a free agent and that will probably end up costing more than keeping Staley. Of course there is one little teensy weensy problem. Duce may not want to renegotiate his deal if he keeps getting bling-jacked at strip clubs in his hometown at four in the morning. Honestly, who wears $100K worth of jewelry? Wouldn't it just make more sense to wear a shirt that reads: "I am a professional athlete. I make a shitload of money. My wallet is in my back pocket. Mug me."?

... I also think it's safe to say that we all agree that Batch is a priority. It'll be interesting to see how many other teams make him a legitimate offer. I mean, the Cardinals just gave Kurt Warner a three-year $18 million deal that includes $7 million next season. Yep, with that move, you're looking at a team bound for the Super Bowl.

I think I like Randle El for the same reasons Bill does, and that's mainly a sentimental one. We've discussed countless times that Randle El ain't really a #2 WR. He's more of a #2.5 or #3 (and he's only a #2.5 because of the trickeration factor). Still, he's a great punt returner, but I don't think that's enough to break the bank. In fact, I know it's not. I know I shouldn't do it, but I love looking at mock drafts just to see who all the chuckleheads think Pittsburgh should take with the 32nd pick. In the last week there has been some Sinorice Moss talk because of the inevitable loss of Randle El. Yeah, I'm not a big fan of that idea. If you think Roethlisberger had trouble finding Randle El and Wilson downfield because of their Webster-like attributes, then let me introduce you to Webster's little brother: Sinorice. And not only is he a miniature, he's ranked as the third (or fourth, or fifth) best receiver in a class full of mediocre wideouts. Pittsburgh would be better off re-signing Morgan and going with what they have. Now, if I didn't get so worked up looking at these mock drafts, this wouldn't be an issue, but where's the fun in that?

Finally, Bill asks about how good Larry Foote is. Personally, I think he's the perfect compliment to guys like Haggans, Porter and Farrior. That is to say, he does a lot of the dirty work while those guys make the plays. Yeah, I know, he won't remind anybody of Kendrell Bell (who it looks like might be looking for work -- and as Israel says, "Know when to walk away, know when to run"), but that might be because Bell wasn't good enough to stay on the field on third downs, and he didn't really know how to do much else except "run to the ball." (In fact, I talked about this back during Week 15, and if I recall, most people were Foote supporters. Kinda like Dr. Scholls. Ba-da-pa!) And don't forget, Foote had an unbelievable interception in the AFCC game, tackled Mewelde Moore for a safety in the Vikes game, and knocked the crap out of Aaron Shea to end the Browns game. It could be a lot worse. By the way, can Foote play free safety?

Diesel Time

Last week I listed my priority free agent signings (and everybody else listed theirs), from top to bottom, and now seems like as good a time as any to talk in more detail about what the Steelers might do during the offseason. And given that other teams are free to sign any player no longer under contract starting on March 3rd, Pittsburgh might want to get moving on a few guys in particular.

One of these players is DE Brett Keisel. I put him at the top of my Guys Pittsburgh Must Re-sign list, but I have no idea what the Steelers really think about him, and whether he's any more or less important in the grand scheme of things than, say, Chris Hope or Antwaan Randle El. Whatever. I'm still going to talk about him here, and see if I can articulate why he's an important part of the Steelers' defense, and more importantly, worth re-signing. (By the way, I've written some really crappy stuff in my life, but these last two paragraphs rank right up there. I'm just mentioning it so if anybody calls me on it, at least I can say, "I know. I suck.")

Before I get started, it's probably worth mentioning that I have no real conception of the Steelers' salary cap situation, what the salary cap might be in 2006 (after accounting for inflation), and the various predicaments and scenarios that might best put Pittsburgh in some blissful salary cap state. Yeah, this stuff is important, and certainly worth knowing, but I figure we can learn it as we go. I know that the Bus will save the Steelers roughly $5 million this season, while Jeff Hartings is slated to count $8 million against the cap. In fact, here's what Gerry Dulac wrote in the Sporting News on Monday:

The team will have to re-negotiate the contract of Pro Bowl C Jeff Hartings before the season because he will count more than $8 million against the cap. It is unlikely the team will get rid of Hartings because he is coming off back-to-back seasons in which he was named All-Pro. His backup is Chukky Okobi, who has been with the team five years, waiting for Hartings to retire. Okobi is strong and has long arms, allowing him to lock on a pass rushers. But he needs more playing time to develop into a solid run blocker...

Hartings is kinda like Seattle center, Jeff Tobeck; he's been around forever, just won't retire, and keeps getting better in the meantime. If Hartings will redo his contract, why wouldn't the Steelers bring him back? I like Okobi, but I have no real idea how good he might be. The last real action he got was when he was Drew Brees' center at Purdue, and that was some time ago. I've mentioned previously that I'm all for the Steelers taking someone like Ohio State center, Nick Mangold, early in the draft, but a lot of what happens on draft day will be determined by what happens over the next six weeks or so.

Briefly, back to the cap stuff, there are also murmurs that Duce Staley might be asked to take a Jerome Bettis-styled paycut or could potentially get the ax. And speaking of axes, Tommy Maddox is as good as gone (unless, god forbid, Charlie Batch bolts for a chance at a starting job), and I read somewhere that Deshea Townsend would be interested in coming back to Pittsburgh, even if that meant he'd have to take less money. That's good, because I'm guessing the Steelers will do just that. (By the way, I just realized that a lot of this stuff is courtesy of Israel, courtesy of Ed Bouchette, from an article in the Post-Gazette last week.)

OK, back to Mr. Keisel. First of all, everybody knows that Kimo Von Oelhoffen's contract is up, and even though he's 35-years-old, he's still very effective. He's also mentioned wanting to come back to Pittsburgh, but Kimo might end up being a victim of the numbers:

The Steelers have decided to make backup defensive end Brett Keisel a priority to re-sign. They believe he can be an impact player. That leaves veteran starter Kimo von Oelhoffen in limbo because he, too, becomes a free agent. At 35, von Oelhoffen had one of his best seasons, though, and it's possible they would offer him a one-year deal.

So maybe I should amend my previous statement above about "having no idea what the Steelers really think about Keisel." If Bouchette is to be believed (must ... fight ... urge ... to .... type .... snarky joke ... here), this is good news. For the sake of argument, here's the list of free agent defensive ends, ranked according to the Sporting News's ultra-cryptic grading system. After looking this list over, TSN could very well throw darts at a bunch of names and rank them accordingly. Either way, here goes:

Rank Name          Ht. Wt.  FA     '05 team
1    D. Howard     6-3 275  UFA    NO
2    J. Engelbrgr  6-4 268  UFA    DEN
3    J. Abraham    6-4 258  UFA    NYJ
4    R. Brock      6-4 274  UFA    IND
5    A. Weaver     6-3 280  UFA    BAL
6    R. Mathis     6-2 235  RA     IND
7    M. Wiley      6-4 275  UFA    JAX
8    J. Cesaire    6-2 295  RA     SD
9    C. Redding    6-4 290  RA     DET
10   A. Cochran    6-4 299  UFA    ARI
11   R. Denney     6-7 275  UFA    BUF
12   K. Edwards    6-6 265  UFA    DET
13   T. Hall       6-5 295  UFA    SF
14   L. Johnstone  6-4 253  UFA    MIN
15   J. DeVries    6-4 275  UFA    DET

I'd be lying if I said a whole hell of a lot about defensive ends that don't play in the AFC North, or in a system featuring three defensive linemen. Honestly, I've never really had the occasion to pay all that much attention to them. For starters, the Steelers run a 3-4, and their DEs are more like DTs on other teams, and their OLBs would be DEs anywhere else. That said, I know John Abraham might be good, but he seems like a monumental pain in the ass, and on top of that, he'll cost a lot of money. I'll mark that down as 0 for 2. The Colts Raheem Brock is a part-time player who's primarily a pass rusher, which is basically useless in the Steelers' scheme. Robert Mathis is another guy ill-suited for the 3-4. He's smaller than either Joey Porter or Clark Haggans and excels primarily as a pass rusher. The Ravens' Anthony Weaver is also unrestricted, but he's no better than Keisel, and he'll probably be looking for more money.

Interestingly, all of the guys on this list are ranked ahead of both Keisel and Kyle Vanden Bosch. And even though he's not listed above, our good friend Rodney Bailey is ranked above both Keisel and Vanden Bosch, which further proves that whoever put this list together was also taking bong hits.

OK, that's all I got. There's really no way to pretty up the list of free agent DEs. Plus, it can't be overstated: Keisel is a demon on special teams. He's 6'5" and runs something like a 4.6-forty. In a perfect world, Pittsburgh would bring Kimo back for another year, sign Keisel to a long-term deal and start worrying about their next important piece of the puzzle: Chris Hope.

Previous Free Agent Stuff
Antwaan Randle El

PS. I don't know if this will help, but I figure it sure can't hurt: Dear God, please tell Randle El to stay in Pittsburgh.

PPS. And oh yeah, hugs and kisses for Valentine's Day. I could spend the next 4,000 words complaining about how this holiday was created by The Man to make me spend money for no apparent reason, but that wouldn't be very Valentine's Day-like, now would it? Yeah, I didn't think so. And by the way, you had me at hello. (Me whispering and holding my hand to the side of my head like it was a phone: "Ben, call me.")