Offseason Round File

*Since it's the offseason for the Steelers and news about free agency and the draft kinda ebbs and flows this time of year, I figured now would be a great time to look back at some of the stuff I wrote, and you guys commented, during the 2005 season. And yes, I'm doing this because I'm blindingly lazy. Well, that, and it's always fun to go back and see how dumb you sounded at certain points during the season.

I'll start with training camp and preseason today, and over the next few Fridays, I'll progress through the season four games at a time or so. That should keep us busy for the next month, anyway. And one more thing: as I went back into the archives, I noticed HaloScan removes comments after four months. This kinda makes it tough to make fun of you guys without access to what you wrote. No worries, however. For the small, small donation of $12 a year, comments can be restored. I checked with the HSS accountant, and we actually have the funds available (and a few nickels left over for the weekly twelver of PBR), so for the next few Fridays, I'll be including those puppies for public ridicule.

And before we jump in the Way-back-to-August machine, Henigin gets today's gold star for not only breaking the story wide open on the two mystery Steelers in the PIT-WVU photo, but for also reading my mind about the Sinorice Moss-going-to-Pittsburgh-in-the-draft murmurs. And as long as I'm yapping about the draft, next week seems like a good time to throw out some names for discussion, so see if that gets you through the weekend. (One more thing: Total Access has Mike Mayock -- think Mel Kiper but actually good at his job -- discussing the draft all this week, and if you don't have the NFL Network, you can see the segments on NFL.com.)

And with that, back to preseason ...

Training Camp/Preseason

-Monday, August 08, 2005
"I guess it's really not surprising that Duce is injured, since it's as inevitable as Manny asking to be traded, but the fact that it happened the first week -- the first day -- of training camp is kind of a problem. Next in line is the Bus, who's made it clear to anyone who'll listen that if he has to start 16 games this season he might die. And I don't think he's kidding. Literally keel over."

OK, raise your hand if you had flashbacks to the 2003 season when it came out that Duce was having knee surgery the FIRST WEEK OF CAMP. I don't know how differently the season would've ended with Duce healthy for 16 games (OK, let's be realistic, Duce wouldn't have lasted an entire season, but lets suspend reality for the sake of conversation), but watching Willie Parker have the season he did was a lot of fun.

-Monday, August 15, 2005
And even though [James] Harrison is a former undrafted free agent, the bigger surprise may be the improved play of 2003 second rounder, Alonzo Jackson. He might actually dress for games this season. OK, that's not that impressive, but to hear Cowher and LeBeau tell it, he's actually looking good at camp. I'll reserve judgment until after tonight's game.

Yep, it's quotes like these that get you an automatic induction into the CPW. And solid call on that one. Interestingly, Jackson ended up on the Giants and actually started a couple of games this season. The one game I watched against the Redskins brought back a flood of "He can't be that bad can he?" thoughts.

...Thanks to the insightful-as-always commentary of the three stooges (Theismann, Patrick, McGuire), the first comment following the [Willie] Williams TD was something to the effect of, "Boy, maybe the Eagles might want to keep T.O. after all." Here's a thought. Maybe it's the first preseason game of the year for both teams and a receiver ran the wrong route.

Willie Williams scored a touchdown? Geez, I had to think long and hard about that play. If I remember correctly, it was something like an 8-yard interception return on a play in the right flat. That turned out to be Williams' biggest play of the season. I know he's as good as gone, but for a guy drafted in the 80th round, and the last surviving member of the 1995 team, I'm glad he got a ring.

-Friday, August 19, 2005
I think I've found ESPN's next great treasure. His name is Adam Schein and he currently hosts a radio show on Sirius. He also wrote a pretty silly article for Fox Sports a couple of days ago ... The title to Schein's piece is "Steelers are already in big trouble," with the subtitle reading, "The Pittsburgh Steelers are not going to the Super Bowl." Fine. The Steelers might be in big trouble; they certainly might not go to the Super Bowl.

I love articles like this. So easy to make fun of, not only at the time it was originally published, but for months to follow. For the full treatment, you should probably read it in its entirety, especially the part about Max Starks single-handedly sinking Pittsburgh's season. I don't think Schein could've been more wrong if had used a random word generator to write this column.

-Monday, August 22, 2005
When the game finally did get underway, both Miami and Pittsburgh tried to see if they could collectively set the preseason record for most turnovers in a contest. And they gave a valiant effort. In 60 minutes of work, the two sides combined for eleven turnovers. The Dolphins ran away with first prize however, accounting for eight of the them (eight!). Despite the conditions, it was still worth watching, if for no other reason than to see the new mullet Tommy Maddox is now sporting.

And like Willie Williams, Tommy Maddox's best moments came during the preseason. When everybody was more concerned with his hairdo. And nobody had a clue that he had aged in double dog years squared over the summer. There was also this little tidbit from the Herald-Standard:

"As late as Thursday, a source with the Steelers called Hope's demands "unreasonable." Colbert, though, wouldn't rule anyone out."

Hmmm.

-Thursday, August 25, 2005
"For months, we've noticed a curious phenomenon in the 'Burgh. The fans love quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. The organization coddles him. The local media (for the most part) won't criticize him.

And, per multiple league sources, many of his teammates hate him.

That's right, hate. Offensive line? Hate. Other quarterbacks on the roster? Hate. Members of the defense? Hate.

The only guys on offense we can't get a feel for are the receivers and running backs. Our guess is that the pass-catchers and ball-toters know not to express any displeasure with the guy primarily responsible for distributing the pigskin."

This might be my favorite story from the preseason. ProFootballTalk.com broke the story on everybody on the team (except the Bus, of course) hating the crap out of Roethlisberger. I can only hope they want to beat him with a tire iron next season.

-Monday, August 29, 2005
Watching the Steelers - Redskins game live was a lot like seeing a herd of buffalo go over a cliff. You can see it coming from a long ways off, you're pretty sure it'll be excruciating to watch, but there's not much you can do about it.

[...]

On the fourth series Wilson dropped a pass that hit him in the hands (and would've gone for a first down), and Lee Mays stood flat-footed on a comeback route that was easily broken up by the defensive back. And I don't even blame Mays here. The guy's been not coming back for passes forever, but Roethlisberger looks to get him the ball a lot more frequently than Mays probably deserves. Maybe someone should explain to Ben that Mays isn't the first (or second, or third) option on most patterns.

Alright, this was from the last preseason game, when everybody and their brother (myself included) had already convinced themselves that Roethlisberger was in full-season sophomore slump mode, even though it was late August. Plus, it gave me a chance to work in a Lee Mays reference, which is always a fun time.

***
Okey doke, next Friday I'll hopefully have all the comments restored and I can start making fun of everybody. I'm thinking Weeks 1-4 (Titans, Texans, Pats, and Chargers), and we'll go from there. Early next week sometime I'll take a look at some draft stuff.

Sincerely,


Ralph



... or maybe this: