Saturday, September 04, 2004

When clubhouse walls attack

Over their last 17 games the Yankees are 8-9 and the Red Sox are 16-1. The only problem is that it's barely September, but apparently no one told that to Kevin Brown. Brown, who I always figured to be half-robot, half-redneck broke his nonpitching hand last night after losing to the Orioles 3-1 (for some reason he reminds me of a less intimidating but just as surly Terminator -- maybe it's the fact that he wears a "uniform" to work instead of toting around a shotgun, and has a hint of a southern accent that does it). And what's more amazing than Brown having a blowup is that Rodrigo Lopez the Red Sox killer, actually was able to string together a good game against another team. Finally.

After first tweaking his knee, then getting hit on the forearm, Brown entered the clubhouse following the sixth inning of the Yanks' 3-1 loss to the Orioles and punched a wall, shattering his left hand in two places and dealing his reeling team yet another blow.

"Stupidity," Brown said softly. "I owe my teammates an apology for letting my emotions take over like that."

Brown spoke to reporters without a wrap or brace on his hand, and said he intends to simply splint the broken bones and make his next start as scheduled.
Well it's this last sentence that seals the deal for me, he's definitely part robot. Rob Dibble explained last night that if any part of his cast sticks out of his glove then that might be a distraction to the hitter and he wouldn't be allowed to take the mound (where's Joe Morgan?).

Either way, this doesn't help the Yankees and while I was watching a visibly upset Brian Cashman give a post-punching the wall interview, I could only think of one think: cufflinks. Yeah, cufflinks. Every time I see Cashman in his box, or giving interviews he's wearing cufflinks (and usually without a jacket or tie) and here's my thoughts on them: Only Presidents and grooms should wear cufflinks. The thing about cufflinks is that there almost too ostentatious to be taken seriously unless you're wearing them because you're (a) the most important person in your country, (b) tradition dictates as much. For some reason I don't think Yankees tradition has anything to do with it.

I think I know why he wears them though (and I give my friend Andy a hard time about this -- he's a big Yankees supporter): Cashman wears the cufflinks when he does his Chippendales routine for Big George. Don't ask me where I even came up with such a vision, but for some reason I equate cufflinks, a balding GM, Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze and I get Steinbrenner's own personal Dancin' Cashman.

The bottom line I guess, is don't wear cufflinks. Bring on Loaiza!