As Long As I'm Up...

Eh, I figure we could all use a new thread to discuss how we're going to kill ourselves. But before you do, please take a second to read John Harris' latest masterpeice. This guy is making it really difficult for me to not just crown his ass Captain CPW. What a dope.

I only got a third of the way through it, but here are my two favorite one-sentence paragraphs (for the record, there were 16 one-sentence grafs magnum opus):

During the second-half comeback, Roethlisberger nearly won it, tossing three touchdown passes.

In the first half, however, Roethlisberger nearly lost it.

Yes, Big Ben almost lost it in the first half when the offensive line went "blocking optional", Hines Ward went "pass-catching optional" (but he was smilin' the whole time!), and the defense went "defense optional". God, what an idiotic thing to write. (Can you tell I'm bitter.)

Thanks, John, for taking my mind of the game. Even if just for a moment. And keep up the good work: you'll be the all-time CPW leader with work like this. Assuming, of course, the Trib doesn't re-hire Joe Bendel. We can only hope.