Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Papi & the Fab Five

Here's what I wrote yesterday:
"There are only so many times that Papi can hit a game-winning homer..."
And here was Son1's response:
"No, man. I thought that too, but apparently we were both wrong: apparently Ortiz can hit clutch homers (or clutch doubles) all season. He's like a doubles machine -- turn the handle, and doubles come out."
Eric Wilbur agrees ... and so do I actually, but because I'm the eternal pessimist, I often take the George Costanza "expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed" approach to Red Sox baseball. Anyway, Wilbur makes the following observation:
If it weren't for David Ortiz, the Red Sox would not have the benefit of parading that trophy around every town in New England. Yaz, Williams, Fisk, Evans, Rice, Nomar, none of them ever brought the elusive golden pennants back to Boston. Ortiz didn't do it single-handedly. But just about. He doesn't hit that home run in the wee hours of the morning in Game 4 of the ALCS, and Curt Schilling never gets to show off his Type A-negative. He doesn't knock that base hit up the middle in Game 5, and there is no party in a late-night misty St. Louis, under the Babe's crying eyes.
And that was just 2004. Wilbur continues:
[Last Thursday]was just the latest example. Any lingering doubters out there who still weren't too sure about Edgar Renteria, the majority of them have come around now. With Mark Bellhorn on first base in the ninth, two outs, down by a run to the Orioles and Ortiz on deck, Renteria laid down a perfect bunt for a base hit. You think he doesn't know Ortiz's reputation? He had to witness it on the other side in St. Louis last year. He knew what was going on. Everybody at Fenway knew what was going on. Why should he try and do the job when the guy hitting behind him has to go to two pages on his resume because of these situations?

Center-field bomb. Win. Dirty Water.
I'm not sure what Dirty Water means, but the other stuff is pretty clear, especially if you watch the Sox on a regular basis -- or if your favorite team has had the misfortune of facing Papi with the game on the line (and I should mention that Ortiz is also in the running for a Gold Glove. OK, maybe that's overstating it a bit, but he did throw out the 45th Molina brother in the 2nd inning last night, so that counts for something).

Tonight is the night. The long awaited episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy starring Millar, Varitek, Damon, Wakefield and Mirabelli. They originally filmed it during spring training and I was actually wondering if Bravo was going to have to move up the premiere because the main straight guy, Kevin Millar, started the season on a pace that had him destined for the low minors by this point in the season. Anyway, there was an article in yesterday's Globe about some chuckleheads who were quite dismayed to see four-fifths of the fab five show up to throw out the first pitch. Politics aside, this is pretty asinine. Seriously. And if you don't believe me, just listen to some of these rationales from some of Fenway's faithful:
Yesterday, all the action was on the field as the Red Sox brought their makeover maharishis, the crew of ''Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," to Fenway Park to sing the national anthem and throw out the opening pitch before a crowd of 35,000.


"Carmen Carbone, 40, a copy machine technician, slumped in his seat and shook his head at the display. He said it exposed the team to unnecessary controversy -- and teasing. Last week, he said, Yankees fans razzed Red Sox fans relentlessly about the makeovers during a series in Yankee Stadium."


His girlfriend, Karen Garofalo, nodded. "I think all the other teams are laughing in our faces," said Garofalo, 41, a secretary from Revere."
Ugh. Where to start. Maybe Mr. Carbone and Ms. Garofalo should be reminded that the Red Sox actually won the World Series last year, so any worries about Boston fans getting razzed, or other teams laughing in Boston fans' faces should be mitigated (by the way, when's the last time you heard someone use the word "razzed" in a sentence? What is this, Grease?).

Maybe the authors were trying to incite some controversy with this piece because I just can't believe that there are people out there (well, other than these two ... and this one) concerned with homosexuals throwing out the first pitch because opposing teams might make fun of them, not because, well, they're homophobes. If anything, Carmen and Karen should be summarily ridiculed because Millar is on the roster. Straight, gay or transgender, Millar was far and away the goofiest guy on the field Sunday, and that includes Carson and his pink jersey. Not only that but Remy and Orsillo were having a good time with it, and if they don't care, why should I? If you want to get worked up about something, worry about the relief pitching.