Jerome, Jerome ... & More Jerome!

OK, we're heading into Day 2 of Super Bowl week and the complaints about all the Jerome Bettis coverage seems to be worse than the actual coverage itself. Last week Julie asked if I had any thoughts on David Schoenfield's Page 2 lambasting of the Bus, and -- big surprise -- I do.

Schoenfield uses all the "Jerome is coming home again -- and this time it's for the Super Bowl!" talk as a backdrop to write that even though the Bus is headed to the Hall of Fame, he probably doesn't rank among the top-25 all-time running backs.

You know what? I wrote an article for Football Outsiders last summer taking a look at the all-time best RBs, but instead of looking at raw yardage numbers, I compared each back to his peers (you can read all the gory details here). Anyway, Bettis didn't fair all that well. In fact, just as Schoenfield wrote in his article, the Bus didn't rank among the top-25 on the all-time rush list, even though, when based solely on yardage totals, he's currently fifth.

But here's the thing: how many running backs in the history of the NFL, listed at 5'11" 255lbs, played for at least ten years, amassed anything close to the totals Bettis has amassed, all while being drafted out of college as a fullback? Hmmm? Anybody? Yep, didn't think so. Yeah, there are plenty of "big backs" who have come into the league, wreaked havoc for a short period, then had their bodies fall apart on them (like, say, Earl Campbell). And if that doesn't impress you, remember that the Bus didn't move to tailback until midway through his rookie season when the two backs in front of him went down. It's not like he came out of college being touted as the next Jim Brown or Gale Sayers, or even Franco Harris for that matter. He came into the league as a fat guy (though admittedly, not as chubby as he is now), moved from fullback to tailback, made some adjustments in how he ran the ball (instead of trying to run everybody over, Bettis used his Fred Flintstone "twinkle toes" to make more tacklers miss), and 13 years later, here we are.

So is Jerome one of the best running backs in NFL history? The numbers say "no." But when you consider what the Bus has been able to do given his size, and the punishment he's taken, there's no question in my mind that he belongs in the Hall of Fame. And if that ain't enough for you, I haven't even talked about what a solid person he is. Anybody who was nicknamed "Baby Huey" growing up, and preferred bowling to football, and turned out like Bettis turned out, deserves to be in the Canton. The fact that he's fifth on the all-time rushing list just makes things easier. And if that doesn't work, he can always get a White Bronco, have Hines drive him up and down I-376 in a low-speed chase, and take his chances.

And if all this sounds like I'm just being a big homer, then, you're probably right. But hey, this guy's in the HOF (and rightfully so), and his numbers are eerily similar to Bettis' numbers. To steal a phrase from the guy least likely to pick the Steelers to win anything other than a pie eating competition, "I'm just sayin'".

***
Last night on Total Access, Rich Eisen and Rod Woodson had Jerome Bettis and Hines Ward on set to talk about -- what else -- Jerome Bettis. Anyway, what followed might be the funniest back-and-forth since Woodson busted up Terrell Davis prior to the Denver game:

Hines: ... We want to send JB out on a great note, and what better way than to win the Super Bowl where it all started from.

Rod: Are you saying this is it?

Bus: He said (pointing to Hines).

Rod: He said it?

Bus: He's pushing me out already. He cried for me last year, now he's got the foot out for me this year.

Rod (to Hines): I know last year you cried when things didn't go right. If you cry again, just don't stop breathing bro.

(Laughter)

Rod: Because last year, you scared me. You know, like when you whup your kids, and you think they're not going to start breathing again? I mean, he stopped --

Hines: I'm an emotional guy.

Maybe the greatest sports moment that didn't take place during a game. Comedy gold.

***
I give Joe Starkey a hard time every now and again, but his column in Monday's Tribune-Review just reinforces the fact that the Steelers have had a lot of good karma this season. I would've put Bryant McFadden's interception in the end zone to end regulation against the Jags on the list, but the Steelers lost. Not even karma can overcome Tommy Maddox.

***
Random Kyle Boller Funny Quote of the Week
I was listening to Mike and Mike this morning and Golic busted out this quote from Trent Dilfer, who was talking about how good Seahawks left tackle, Walter Jones is compared to his peers:

"He's not only the best lineman in the game, he's by far the best," says Cleveland Browns quarterback Trent Dilfer, who spent four years with the Seahawks. "It's not like the difference between Walter and the next-best lineman is like Peyton Manning to Carson Palmer; it's like Peyton Manning to Kyle Boller."

How do you respond to this? Well, if you're me, and you like making fun of the Ravens (even though their seasons been over for weeks now), the first thought that comes to your mind is the scene from Tommy Boy where Richard's car is totally destroyed by a wayward deer:

Tommy: It's alive!

Richard: I think it tried to bite me!

Tommy: No way that just happened.

Richard: My car is completely destroyed.

Tommy: I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that was awesome!

Yeah, I know, a long way to go for a joke, but who doesn't love that scene? And Tommy's last line was literally the first thing that came into my head after reading Dilfer's quote. Too funny. Unless, of course, you're Kyle Boller.

***
Henigin sent this really good link from Scott Paulsen. I'm guessing this is the same Scott Paulsen who had a radio show opposite Mark Madden. Paulsen always seemed like a good guy, but without a bombastic, contrarian view on virtually everything, he didn't stand a chance against Madden. Still, good stuff. And by the way, there were rumors floating around on the message boards Monday that Madden had a heart attack this weekend. Don't know if it's true, but as much as I don't like what Madden has to say, I hope big chubs recovers (if, in fact, he did have an episode). Plus, if Madden leaves this world, the Pittsburgh-area strip clubs would take a huge hit in lap dance revenue.

***
... I watched the Steelers' initial press conference in the Land of Jerome Bettis, and the first thing that struck me as I watched Cowher stroll to the podium was, "Huh, Cowher must be paying homage to Kordell with that sweater/shirt get up." In fact, that's all I could think about as he answered questions. Honestly, it was mesmerizing.

... I listened to a couple of Q&A's with the Bus, and it was all pretty predictable stuff. But as I fast-forwarded through it, the funniest bit didn't require any audio. Jerome showed up in a Detroit Tigers hat and jacket. A few minutes in, under all those heat lamps, Jerome lost the hat. A couple more questions, and the jacket comes off. At that point I just closed my eyes for fear that at any second, Bettis might end up sitting there topless, while the NFL Network's Adam Schefter dabbed his forehead with a hanky (and probably feeding him grapes, too; you can thank me later for that visual).

... Speaking of Schefter, he was also at the Casey Hampton interview. It was a weird setup because they had Hampton sitting at a table, with a mic, and a bunch of tape recorders. In front of him were all the media types, and standing directly over his right shoulder was Schefter. And given that Hampton doesn't have much of a neck, when Schefter started firing questions at him, the Hampburglar didn't even attempt to turn around when giving his answers. At one point, after the third follow up about the Seahawks O-line, Hampton literally looked like if he could get his meat hooks on Schefter, he'd be a nice little appetizer before dinner.

***
This is the absolute last thing I'm going to say about the draft until after Sunday. My buddy Andy makes the point that it's really not even worth discussing since Pittsburgh's got one more game to play, and that's probably right. Anyway, I watched the Senior Bowl last Saturday because, well, I was really bored. And Michael Robinson took a lot of snaps at QB and looked really good ... as anything but a QB. He gained something like 60 yards, and made a lot of plays with his feet. OK, that's it on the the next ARE, college players in general, Mel Kiper's hair and any other draft-related stuff until next week.

***
And even though nobody cares, the Tar Heels had a nice little win last Saturday against the Arizona Wildcats. For those of you keeping score at home, Quentin Thomas, who, shall we say, has struggled with turnovers this season, scored a career high six points and registered a nice little doughnut in the TO department. And ever since Wes Miller made the No Name Hall of Fame, he's gone bonkers. He's started three games, and there are rumors that the Dean Dome might have to raise the rafters by 10 feet or so, because Miller, even though he's a shade under five feet, gets quite a lot of arc on his shots. My guess is, he got tired of having all his jumpshots swatted out of the gym as he was growing up. Now, the little guy with no neck has perfected this shot to the point where I half-expect it to start raining inside the Smith Center.

Here's a quick analogy -- something you might see on the SAT's one day:

Q.) Tyrone Carter:Bob Sanders::__________:JJ Redick

A.) Wes Miller
B.) Peyton Manning
C.) Barrett Brooks
D.) Kevin Millar
E.) Who cares? JJ Redick sucks.

If you answered either A.) or E.), you get into college. Congratulations.

Talk Amongst Yourselves

I'm working on some stuff for tomorrow, so there's nothing to see here today. And in case you're wondering, I have every intention of talking about UNC's big win over Arizona, even if nobody reading it cares (at this point, I'll be writing it as a general matter of principle). I'll also have some -- you guessed it -- Steelers thoughts. And don't be afraid to discuss something interesting in the comments -- it's really hard coming up with stuff to write about when there's 13 days between games. With that, go forth and wreak havoc.

And one more thing: does anybody think it's bad luck to order this before the conclusion of Sunday's game? I've gone back and forth on whether to get it early, but as a former PG subscriber, I remember quite well how often the paper wouldn't get delivered. Or better yet, get delivered a day late. Nothing like day old news. So on the one hand, the earlier I order, the more likely I am to actually get the paper before Flag Day. On the other hand, I recall the Red Sox painting the 2003 World Series logo behind homeplate at Fenway Park before they had actually wrapped up the ALCS against the Yankees and, yeah, that didn't turn out so well.

Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?

Alright, I'm already burned out with the same regurgitated Super Bowl stories, and it's the Friday before the Friday leading up to the Super Bowl. Yowzers. So I'm taking a break from that and instead I'm going to talk about something I had originally intended to discuss in the next few weeks (and I still will, and in probably more detail too): Steelers' free agents. There are 13 players eligible for free agency come March 3 (11 are unrestricted free agents, and two, Sean Morey and Ike Taylor, are restricted) and almost everybody on the list plays an important role (and yes, Barrett Brooks, you're the reason I said "almost").

Pittsburgh's gotten a lot more national attention during their playoff run, and that's been a good thing for Antwaan Randle El. The season's not even over and I've already heard speculation that the Redskins and Bears (Countertorque beat me to punch on breaking this one) would both love to have him as their #2 receiver. This seems like a case of teams overvaluing a player based on a handful of games, but hey, the Redskins could do worse (and they have). Personally, I hope the Steelers re-sign El, but I say that strictly as a fan, and not from the perspective of, say, a general manager. (And in case you haven't figured it out, this makes perfect sense, because, I am a fan, and not a, ahem, GM.)

Here's my point: when in doubt, I'm usually in favor of keeping players together (with the notable exception of Chad Scott; he should've been gone about two years earlier, but that's a whole other story). I wanted the Steelers to keep Plax because (a) he was Ben's security blanket, and (b) I thought he was a pretty good second option to Hines. I also was hoping Earl Holmes would stick around after the 2001 season, and would've been fine having Mark Bruener around for another season or two. Yeah, I admit, these weren't my best moments. But hey, I never claimed to be a personnel guy. I'm a fan first, and I like the idea of a team, well, being a team for more than a season or two. Admit it, how weird was it to see Cedrick Wilson for the first time sporting Plax's jersey number?

Anyway, there are a lot of questions the Steelers will have to address in the coming weeks, but for now, it looks like Randle El is getting most of the attention from other interested parties.

Here's the latest from The Sporting News:

WR Antwaan Randle El is an unrestricted free agent after the season and, based on his receiving totals, normally would not command a lot of attention on the free-agent market. But Randle El is one of the best, if not the best, punt returner in the league, and that will escalate his value among other teams. The Steelers would like to keep Randle El, who split duties as the No. 2 receiver with Cedrick Wilson, but they will not give him a big contract after signing Hines Ward to a lucrative contract extension before the season. They would replace Randle El with Wilson at split end, but they would have a difficult time finding a more dangerous returner. CB Ricardo Colclough, who was an outstanding punt returner in college, would get the opportunity.

A couple of things. First, if Randle El does re-sign, who knows if he'll even be the #2 guy. It could be Wilson, or, if the Steelers also talk Quincy Morgan into coming back, he could get the nod. And let's not forget everybody's underdog, Nate Washington. I'm guessing other teams, in addition to throwing wads of cash Randle El's way, will also be able to promise him the #2 job, something the Steelers may not be willing to commit to.

Pittsburgh's never been an organization to cave to pressure when it comes to a players' perceived worth. The organization has an idea of what they're willing to pay, and generally doesn't budge from it. If things work themselves out, fine. If not, players usually end up elsewhere. Replacing Randle El's offensive production isn't a problem. What should be giving people pause is his ability to return punts. I remember some people all abuzz about Colclough as a kick returner when he was drafted. Other than his one return for a TD during the preseason (and that was a kickoff), he's been pretty ineffective. Who knows, maybe he is a better punt returner than kickoff guy (god knows Randle El is), but if he's not, and Randle El is gone, who's going back there?

You know, as I re-read what I've written so far, I've come to two realizations (or maybe, "I've unsuppressed two commonly known/already-accepted facts" is a better way to put it). First, Randle El's not a great #2 receiver, but he is a great punt returner. Two, he's probably not coming back. The first point certainly isn't any kind of revelation to most people, but it does cause me some cognitive dissonance because, as I stated above, I like the guy, and I'm usually in favor of keeping teams together. And yes, that's more to do with sentimentality than dollars and cents, X's and O's, and whatever other hackneyed cliche you can think of. But hey, the NFL is a business first and foremost (as long as we're throwing out hackneyed cliches, I can't exclude this one), so that probably means the Steelers, and Randle El will be going their separate ways.

So using that as a starting point, what are Pittsburgh's options? Well, let's see. They could:

(a) Promote from within: Morgan, Wilson, Washington;
(b) Sign a free agent to compete for the job;
(c) Draft a WR to compete for the job;
(d) All of the above.

OK, (d) really serves no purpose other than to make the question more official looking. So disregarding that, and first focusing on (a) the question then becomes, can Morgan be effective as a full-time #2? He sure as hell couldn't do it in Cleveland or Dallas. And one of the knocks against him is that he occasionally has the dropsies and doesn't run great routes. But he also has his former Cleveland coach, Bruce Arians, now serving as his WR coach in Pittsburgh, and apparently that's a big plus. But all of this may be moot because Morgan's an unrestricted free agent too. That, and who knows, based on how things play out, maybe Wilson will be the second receiver heading into training camp, and Morgan may not want to spend another year as a 3rd or 4th wideout.

Honestly, (b) seems less realistic than re-signing El. I guess I should clarify: signing an impact wideout via free agency seems less realistic. (I mean, Brandon Lloyd's available, and I'm sure everybody remembers him as Cedrick Wilson's partner in crime during those great 2003-2004 seasons in San Fran) For starters, it will probably cost the Steelers more money, which means they'd be overpaying for a #2 wide receiver with the added benefit of still not having somebody to return punts. Still, for the sake of discussion, it's worth mentioning who'll be available. Here are the top 15 unrestricted free agents, based on some random grading system with which I am not familiar:

Name         Ht.   Wt.   Grade  2005 team
D. Givens    6-0   215    7.9   New England
R. Wayne     6-0   198    7.6   Indianapolis
A. Bryant    6-2   188    7.4   Cleveland
K. McCardell 6-1   191    7.3   San Diego
R. Gardner   6-2   213    7.2   Green Bay
T. Brown     5-10  196    7.1   New England
A. Davis     6-1   195    7.0   New England
E. Drummond  5-9   190    7.0   Detroit
P. Price     5-11  190    7.0   Dallas
A. Randle El 5-10  192    7.0   Pittsburgh
R. Caldwell  6-0   215    6.9   San Diego
J. Gaffney   6-1   205    6.9   Houston
K. Johnson   5-11  195    6.9   Detroit
Q. Morgan    6-1   215    6.9   Pittsburgh
P. Warrick   5-11  195    6.9   Seattle

OK, raise your hand if you think this list pretty much sucks? David Givens and Reggie Wayne would both be great pick ups, but yeah, I don't see that happening. For starters, they're too expensive. I also read somewhere that the Colts have every intention of signing Wayne. And finally, eff the Patriots (once again, I let the irrational fan in me make all the important proclamations; yes, I know, good idea). So who's left? Antonio Bryant? Head case. Keenan McCardell? Fossil. Rod Gardner? He makes Quincy Morgan say, "Now that guy is an underachiever!" Troy Brown? Uh, no. Andre Davis? Maybe.

He's actually had better numbers than his former teammate, Quincy Morgan, and he's still relatively young. I suspect he'll be pretty cheap too. Of course, if he ends up in Pittsburgh, the team will have to endure much the same talk the Browncos did this year when they traded for Cleveland's defensive line. Yep, meet your 2006 Cleveland Steelers. Just sounds dirty.

Eddie Drummond? Well, he solves the kicking game problem, but not much else. But who knows, half the Steelers' roster is from Detroit, so maybe Kevin Colbert's cooking something up. Peerless Price? Let's see, he was cut from a Falcons team that still has Brian Finneran on the roster. Yeah, I'll pass. Reche Caldwell? I just read that the Chargers weren't all that happy with Caldwell because he ran crappy routes and gave up on plays. Maybe we can give him #80. Jabar Gaffney? Honestly, I don't know anything about this guy, except that he plays in Texas. Maybe he's the Maxi-Me version of Cedrick Wilson, 2005. Kevin Johnson? Nope. Too old, and he's been tainted by playing in Baltimore. Peter Warrick? Sure, why not. And the Steelers should sign Desmond Howard while they're at it.

So like I was saying, (b) doesn't seem that promising either. So that leaves the draft. Let me just say that I love the draft, but I usually don't get into full draft mode until the middle of February. Knowing that, it's a pretty safe bet that I don't have any real guesses about which college players might even be worth the Steelers' time. I know Roethlisberger's former teammate, Martin Nance, is coming out, but of the few things I've seen, most have questioned Nance's ability to get open and to finish plays. See Reche Caldwell comment above. The Senior Bowl's this Saturday, and Arizona State's Derek Hagan, Michigan's Jason Avant, Florida's Chad Jackson, and Santana Moss Jr. (a.k.a. Sinorice) are all guys people have been talking about since the fall. But here's a thought, how about this guy? You know, a bigger, stronger ARE? (It doesn't solve the punt returner issue, but it'll still give the Steelers plenty of chances to roll out the gadget plays and ensure that the number of QBs on the roster doesn't drop below 15.) Anyway, I'm not yet ready to talk seriusly about potential draft options at wideout, but please feel free to share any info you may have.

Okey doke, that covers the Randle El free agency, and I guess I might as well cover the other players before the start of the signing period too. But first, back to all the Super Bowl talk. And Jerome from Southeast Detroit. Don’t forget him. (And by the way, I got a couple of emails/comments that I'll get to first thing next week.)

Always Bet On ... White

Remember back in the fall how I was all excited about this UNC team being more fun to watch because there was less pressure for them to do as well as, say, last year's team? The 2005-06 iteration lost five starters, and the top seven scorers from last season. Now, the blue hair on the team is David Noel, and Carolina regularly has three freshmen in the lineup at any given time. Anyway, forget what I said back in early December.

Wednesday night, UNC faced Boston College, and basically got their asses handed to them. Part of it had to do with the Tar Heels giving up what seemed like 80 points in the paint -- usually culminating in a dunk of some sort. The other reason they got man-handled was because, well, BC's entire frontcourt looked like Half Man, Half Amazing (which is to say, they all looked to be at least 37-years-old).

But this is part of the deal when you have a lot of young guys on the court. Sometimes they play well, and sometimes they play, well, like they're 18 and just out of high school. If there's a silver lining, however, it has to be Wes Miller cracking the starting lineup. Honestly, on the list of Things Not Likely to Happen ... Ever, Wes Miller starting a basketball game at UNC that's not the Blue-White game, is near the top. At tip-off, I saw #22 at center court and I automatically figured it was Senior Day. Then I remembered Miller is a junior. I could only concluded that his induction to the HSS No-Name Wall of Fame must've had something to do with it. OK, that's not much of a silver lining.

***
OK, it looks like I can't go very long without talking about the Steelers, so here are a couple of quick things I came across that didn't involve Jerome Bettis (did you know he grew up in Detroit?).

Yeah, yeah, the Steelers are wearing white come Super Bowl Sunday and Cowher claims it's because they're not playing in Heinz Field (even though they're the designated home team, and they wore black during the 1996 Super Bowl), but I like DJAnyReason's explanation better:

As a Steeler fan, I wish they were wearing black, but I think I’ll defer to the eternal wisdom of Crash Davis on this one:

"If you believe you’re playing well because you’re getting laid, or because you’re not getting laid, or because you wear women’s underwear, then you ARE!"

And who knows, with Joey Porter quoting "Dumb & Dumber" lines to Troy on the sidelines, he may have brought this up too.

***
Here's an email I got from my buddy Desmond the other day:

"I think you need to include pictures of Andy on the site. Andy in a Steelers uni. Andy in Steelers boxers. It would really add credibility to your website, and might just enable you to make that leap to the big time."

To which I responded:

"One step ahead of you (this is Andy last weekend)."

A couple of things. First, that's not really my buddy Andy. Second, if you're reading this and this is you, or somebody you know, I'M JUST KIDDING. IT'S A JOKE. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. Any dude who has his son take a photo of him shirtless, while flexing, who's not preparing for Mr. Universe, and then sends said photo to the newspaper for publication, probably has no qualms about beating the crap out of wise-ass nerds who show disrespect Rodney Harrison style.

***
Let the Tyrone Carter Lovefest continue. El Jefe sends along this email:

"Thought I'd add to the Tyrone legend by blatantly plagiarizing a well-known website..."

Any time you can get Carter and Chuck Norris in the same sentence, you're probably doing something right.

Cereals and Simians

Well, I was all set to defend the Coco Crisp trade, and now it's on hold. Specifically, Guillermo Mota failed his physical, so they'll have to be some rearranging of deck chairs in order to pull this thing off. Anyway, I'll just assume this thing gets done, and lay out my defense, Johnnie Cochran style (R.I.P.).

First off, I should say that I was driving around last Sunday morning when I first heard this trade might be a possibility and I wasn't happy about it. Not happy in much the same way Terry Francona probably wasn't happy when the Red Sox decided not to re-sign Kevin Millar. When Boston traded Edgar Renteria to Atlanta for Andy Marte, they got arguably the best prospect in baseball. I liked Renteria even though he had a tough 2005, but getting Marte was considered a steal. Of course, there was still the little problem of Boston being without a shortstop. And with Damon taking his circus act to New York, they were also without a centerfielder. And because it's the off-season, that can only mean that "Manny being Manny" is in full swing, and his desire to be traded, coupled with Theo temporarily quitting his job to headline birthday parties as the Dancing Gorilla, muddied things up personnel-wise, even more.

Now, Theo's back, Shaughnessy and Ryan have their respective panties in a knot, and Boston is in the middle of trying to get a centerfielder to replace Damon, some middle relief help, and sign a shortstop. Originally, I hated this trade because (a) Coco Crisp sucks and (b) Andy Marte might be the next Mike Schmidt. To say I don't watch anything other than Red Sox games (and the occasional inning of the Pirates here and there) would be an understatement along the lines of "Mark Madden's just a tad overweight, and Dan Shaughnessy isn't a vindictive, hateful prick, he's just misunderstood." I mention this because, I only saw six games worth of Coco Crisp last season, and I don't remember him really doing much at all. And, for the love of god, his name is Coco Crisp. Why not just call him Count Chocula, or Frankenberry and get it over with.

Plus, by throwing in Marte, this trade basically means that Boston traded Edgar Renteria for some second-rate cereal. Yep, that didn't make me all that happy. I called my buddy Mike right after hearing the story, and his reaction was exactly the opposite of mine. He liked the trade since, well, the Sox need a centerfielder, and they already have two third basemen. And no, Mike Lowell probably won't be around for that much longer, but to hear Red Sox fans talk last season, you would've thought Kevin Youkilis was going to be the next Wade Boggs, he just "need his shot." Well, now he's going to get it. And not only that, Crisp is actually a pretty good player. His numbers are very similar to Damon's, he's six years younger, and substantially cheaper.

There's still the little issue of who's going to play shortstop. My vote is for Manny. Why not? If you think the guy was fun to watch in left field, imagine him turning two, or forgetting to cover 2nd base on a steal? Or with the infield in, watching him throw home on a close play, only to have it bounce eight times, and by the time Varitek picks it up (and yes, it's already stopped rolling), the runner could've rounded the bases ... twice. Alright, that's probably not the best idea, and this is why Boston will end up sighing Alex Gonzalez. No, he can't hit, but as Dave Pinto mentioned earlier this week, it looks like the Red Sox are willing to trade more offense for more pitching and defense. And just as long as the runs scored/runs allowed differential remains the same, Boston should be right in the thick of things next fall.

However, if things fall through, the Sox are worse off. As my buddy Mike said:

"There's not a Red Sox fan in America that can be happy with that news. No centerfielder, no shortstop ... at least they found another first baseman that can't hit."

On the upside however, if Mota stays in Boston, he should be able to step right into the middle relief roles vacated by Matt Mantei and Scott Williamson. And concerning J.T. Snow, he, sir, is no Kevin Millar. And that's a good thing, even if he can't hit.

***
As long as I'm talking about the Red Sox, I guess I have to mention the Return of Theo. Is this the biggest non-story of the off-season? Seriously? Does anybody actually care that Theo's back? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have him, gorilla suit or not, but it's not "Coco Crisp is coming to Boston" type stuff. What's weirder is the obsession Dan Shaughnessy and Bob Ryan have with the Red Sox not divulging any details on Epstein's return. What's to know? The guy left work on Halloween in a monkey get up, and after a few months off, walking the earth like Cain in Kung Fu, he's back. If this was Manny, then you've got a story (although, would anybody really be that surprised to find out Manny wears gorilla costumes out in public?). Theo? Not so much. This probably has more to do with Shaughnessy not getting all the access he'd like, but luckily, that guy's burned so many bridges, nobody cares. As I see it, it's a win-win: Boston gets Theo back, and Shaughnessy gets disrespected, Rodney Harrison style. Sounds good to me.

No Name Wall of Fame

With all the hub bub from Pittsburgh's big win Sunday afternoon, it's easy to overlook UNC's big win at Florida State later that day. Well, my favorite 2005-06 Tar Heel, Wes Miller, had the game of his career, and single-handedly willed his team to victory. OK, not really, but he had a big game, and Reyshawn Terry hit two clutch free throws late in the game to give Carolina the lead for good. After two tough losses, this was big, especially since Satan has apparently rendered Duke's pact to go undefeated null and void. (Even Lucifer draws the line at Duke. And who can blame him?)

There's also a lot going on in Boston, with Theo Epstein doing his best Willis Reed impression by somebody who's not a player and was never injured. And it also looks like Coco Crisp is on his way to town, a move that I initially hated, but the more I think about it, the better it sounds. There will be plenty of time to talk about all of that stuff. In the interim, with all my recent babbling about Wes Miller and Tyrone Carter, I think it's time they got a little more official Heels, Sox & Steelers recognition. In the spirit of giving some props to the little man, I've added the HSS No Name Wall of Fame. It's no secret that Miller and Carter will be the first representatives for the Tar Heels and Steelers, respectively, but since the Red Sox have basically replaced two-thirds of their roster in just over two months, and giving Theo the honor is, well, ridiculous, I'm bestowing Dan Shaughnessy with the temporary title because he's such a chubby, angry, troll (so basically, for no other reason than I want to point out that he's a bum). We'll see how long that lasts, who knows it could be permanent given that guy's rosy disposition. And I'm taking nominations too.

More random thoughts from the Denver game:
... I can see somebody like Potsie telling Porter during last Sunday's pregame that he knows, on good authority, that Jake Plummer was the lone gunman on the grassy knoll who shot Porter in the ass in the summer of '03. Of course Plummer wasn't even in Denver at the time, but hey, don't sweat the details. Just be happy it worked.

... When Peter King asks: "Is there a meaner, more intense player alive than Joey Porter?", anybody want to guess what my answer is? Mr. King, meet Tyrone Carter. We keep him tied up in that cage during the week because he will literally gnaw your arm off if he's left to roam free in the locker room.

... It might be a good idea for Cedrick Wilson to just change the spelling of his name to the more conventional "Cedric." People refuse to spell it correctly. Honestly, how long does it take to look it up in the media guide? And it's one thing for out-of-town or national media types to make that mistake, but when the season's 20 weeks old, there is absolutely no excuse (other than sheer stupidity coupled with crippling laziness) for Mike Ciarochi of the Herald-Standard to confuse "Wilson" with "The Entertainer." Jeebus.

... DJ Gallo mentioned a couple of things in his Monday column that my buddy Andy pointed out during the post-game press conference. Namely, Roethlisberger was sporting a AFC Champions tee shirt with a suit jacket and dress pants. I was hoping for the tee, suit jacket and game pants, but no such luck. And Gallo calling the look "Miami Vice" with the Bus playing the obvious role of "Tubbs" had me rolling.

The other observation, Jim Mora Sr. giving his Most Underrated Steelers Award to "Adam" Smith was equally funny. I watched this live, and couldn't get over the fact how many times Eisen and Mora kept getting names wrong. During the highlights, they showed the Aaron Smith face mask penalty and Eisen called him Marvel Smith. During the Seahawks highlights, Eisen kept referring to Darrell Jackson as almost-Steeler "Dexter" Jackson (OK, quick prayer of thanks that deal fell through). Certainly not Mike Ciarochi type egregiousness, but still worth noting.

... I can't believe I didn't mention this yesterday (Rene G. did though), but did anybody look more surprised after catching a football than Ike Taylor? After what, 28 consecutive dropped interceptions, Ike finally pulled it off? He reminded me of a tee baller who sticks his glove out, with eyes shut, while making the "Please don't let the ball hit me in the face" face, when he caught it. And he followed that up with the, "Hey, I did catch it!" face.

... Here's an email my buddy Desmond, a Redskins fan, sent me yesterday: "Are you and Andy in full 'Steeler Nerd' mode for the next two weeks? Three very impressive wins. I see no reason why they can’t keep it close in the Super Bowl."

To which I responded: "If wearing a Steelers uniform to work (including helmet) is full 'Steeler Nerd' mode, then count me in."

... I know Jake Plummer looked like a spaz at points during Sunday's game, but he really had nothing to work with. His offensive line left him hanging out to dry all afternoon, and there was nothing more maddening than watching the Steelers have a sure sack only to see Plummer escape and make some nutty play with his feet. Let me just say that Jake Plummer's got nothing on Kyle Boller.

... Something else I should've mentioned yesterday. Brett Keisel is a freak. Two great plays at the end of the game that resulted in two sacks. The last sack, which also resulted in a 4th down fumble, was great because after Plummer lost the ball, Keisel threw him out of frame much in the way normal sized people might throw a Big Mac wrapper in the trash: one handed, very nonchalant, almost as an afterthought. Except in this instance, Plummer plays the role of the wrapper. And he was very convincing.

... Brian mentioned Cowher talking to Jerome on the sidelines near the end of the game, and if you actually read Cowher's lips, he says something like, "I'm thinking about taking a knee three times." And then they both had a chuckle. Yep, it's a lot funnier after The Tackle.

... Well, this certainly throws a kink into the whole disrespect meme. I'm guessing Joey Porter will come up with something.

... Every Monday (or thereabouts) Michael Wilbon does an online chat on the Washingtonpost.com. Here are two questions I found, ahem, interesting for very different reasons:

Washington, D.C.: What a great quote from Ben, "Whoa there. I never feel like I've won the game. I can lose it, but I don't win it." That's amazing maturity/leadership for a 23 year old. Do you think Peyton could learn something from him?

Michael Wilbon: Great question. And good point. I don't know. They're very, very different people, where they came from, how they see the game. I admit that I know Big Ben better than I know Peyton. But Ben could be a linemen. That's his personality...sort of like McMahon without the weirdness...or Favre without the small-town obsession to put up with. But Ben is beloved, and not resented at all even though he's just 23 years old...We could be watching, with him, the ascension of a great, great quarterback and if he stays healthy, maybe a football legend. As you can tell, I really like the kid...think he's a great player and a quarteback in the old-fashioned sense of the word.

Followed immediately by:

D.C. Suburbs: Ben Roethilisberger is tall, hot, and my age. Is he dating/married?

Michael Wilbon: Married? No. What, you want me to fix you up with him?

And no, my screen name is not "D.C. Suburbs."

Two things I'm quite sure we'll have to look forward to over the next 12 days:

* Jerome Bettis coming home again.
* Jerome Bettis's parents cheering Jerome coming home again.

Now that's a story that was old two weeks ago. Only two more weeks to go.

It's On Like Donkey Kong

I don't want to be Debbie Downer about this but today's game means that the Steelers will be picking no sooner than 31st in this April's draft. Not great. The silver lining, however, is that Pittsburgh gets to go to a Super Bowl for the first time in ten years. OK, I'm kidding -- at least about the draft. I'm quite serious about Pittsburgh going to the Super Bowl.

Jeez, after last week's little get together, this seemed like preseason on the stress scale. The Steelers got to off to another quick start, Jake Plummer turned into a pumpkin, I looked up right before halftime, and it was 24-3. Eerily, the same first half ass-whuppin' New England put on Pittsburgh a year ago. The last thirty minutes saw Denver score two touchdowns, but they never got closer than 10 points. And with Roethlisberger, apparently he matures in dog years because our baby's all grows up! (Yep, two weeks in a row on that quote.) Anyway, let's get to it:

... Alright, there were about eight different "keys to the game," and one that wasn't mentioned anywhere else was making Todd "Lattimer" Sauerbrun a non-factor. Not only can the guy kick the ball 70 yards in the air, but he's also roid-raged enough to serve as the gunner after actually punting the ball. OK, I don't really think that Sauerbrun was ever really somebody to be concerned about, but he did embarrass the hell out of Ellis Hobbs last week when he forced a fumble during a punt return. Plus, and I mentioned this last week too, you have to love a punter who looks like Janikowski's fat older brother who has to jump off the top bunk, head first, into his helmet to get that thing on. So props on that.

... Now, my first real play of the game goes to Nate Washington. 3rd-and-7 on the Steelers' first drive, ball near midfield, and Nate makes a nice grab on a 13-yard out pattern. I'm sure most people who don't follow this team's first reaction was, "Who the hell is Nate Washington?" followed immediately by, "Where the hell is Tiffin?" but for Steelers' fans, it was a really big play. It kept the drive alive, and more importantly, probably gave Washington a little confidence in case Ben might come back to him later in the game.

Now this play wouldn't have even taken place if not for Hines making his tip-drill catch that's almost becoming routine. That fact that it ends by him getting the crap knocked out of him, probably means it won't find a permanent place in the playbook, but that could've very easily been a encore, half field presentation of Champ Bailey's pick-for-(nearly)six from a week ago. Instead, Hines somehow makes the catch and keeps the drive alive.

A couple of plays after Hines' rebound, the Steelers dodged another bullet after a Willie Parker fumble was overturned. After watching replays, I was pretty sure Willie's knee was down before he lost the ball, but I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if the call on the field stood. I was wrong on both counts. Willie's elbow was down, and Pittsburgh kept the ball. And that set things up for Nate.

... Pittsburgh settled for a Skippy field goal on their first drive, and after watching Jeff Reed have another spectacular under-the-radar season, I'm convinced he might be one of the best kickers in the NFL. Both of his kicks were over 40 yards and both were right down the middle. He did have the one kickoff go out of bounds, but I honestly think that's the first time I've seen him Vanderjagt one since 2003. Plus, how can you not like a kicker who (a) wears wristbands that match his jersey, and (b) wears a mouthpiece. That's almost as ridiculous as Gardocki wearing that mullet wig under his helmet. Almost.

... On Denver's second drive, Plummer got J. Peezy'ed and fumbled. That was pretty cool, but nothing compared to watching Casy Hampton try and track down the ball like he was a sea lion trying to catch a runaway fish on the beach. My buddy Andy actually commented that the Hampburglar looked like a Hungry Hippo trying to gobble up, uh, Hungry Hippo pellets. Too funny.

Two plays later, Roethlisberger threw a rocket to Heath Miller down the middle of the field for a 24-yard gain. Two things stick out on this play: (1) Miller made a great move to get open, and (2) usually on skinny posts, the safety has a clear shot to knock the crap out of the receiver. Instead, Miller caught the pass, lowered his shoulder and donkey punched Nick Ferguson back about two yards. Yeah, if this Miller kid sticks with it, he might turn out to be OK.

... People were talking all weekend how Champ Bailey was going to shut down Hines Ward, and the Steelers would have to rely on their other wideouts to make plays. Who the hell knows if this was actually Denver's game plan, but it sure looked like it on Pittsburgh's first touchdown. Ben pump-faked a short pass to Hines and found Cedrick Wilson wide open in the corner of the end zone. Bailey was about two steps too slow primarily because he bit on the Hines pump-fake.

It took 17 weeks, but Cedrick is finally starting to look very comfortable in Pittsburgh's offense. And maybe it's not just him. Maybe Whisenhunt and Cowher are finally figuring out how best to use him. (By the way, how big a game was that for Whisenhunt? Every time they would flash his mug on the screen, looking very deep in thought about the next play call, all I could yell at the television was, "Cowher's Brain.") It's way too early for this conversation, but if the Steelers can't re-sign Antwaan (and I want them to), they could be OK with Cedrick, Quincy and an emerging Nate Washington. (Sorry Lee Mays, you'll probably be kicking it with Chris Doering come next August.)

... I'm starting to think Carson Palmer was right: Troy Polamalu is the best defensive player in the NFL. That hit near the Broncos goal line on Mike Anderson was maybe the sweetest looking play of the day, but it was a distant second in terms of sheer athleticism to the play Troy made during Denver's third possession. 3rd-and-9 on the Denver 40-yard line, and Plummer throws a screen to Tatum Bell. Bell has a lot of room in front of him, including two Denver linemen running interference. Troy somehow splits the blockers, and makes a shoe string tackle while falling backwards, a yard short of the first down. That might have been one of the most amazing plays I've ever seen. No, it won't be on "Jacked Up," and it didn't directly result in points scored or saved, but it was unbelievable nonetheless. Good things do happen to people who drive Kia's.

As long as I'm talking about the defense, when did Joey Porter start taking his Crazy supplements full time? This dude has been basically unstoppable during the last quarter of the season, and he looks like he's only getting better. If Pittsburgh's smart, after the Super Bowl, they'll just tell him the season's been extended, simulate games for him every Sunday, and by the time training camp rolls around he'll be Lawrence Taylor but without the drug problems. You heard it hear first.

... My Selfish Player of the Game Award goes to Hines Ward. By a mile. Whisenhunt made a great play call on what should've been the Steelers third touchdown of the 2nd quarter, only to have Ward get called for a false start (or covering the tight end, or whatever arcane rule he violated). So instead of the Bus rumbling in from 15 yards out, the Steelers lost five yards, and on the next play, Big Ben threw an amazing pass to -- you guessed it -- Hines Ward in the back of the end zone. Alright, I'm kidding about Hines being selfish, but it was such a great almost TD to Jerome, you hate to see it wasted on some dopey penalty.

(By the way, did that play, with Ben doing all that gesticulating, remind anybody of the Mularkey-era play where Kordell, in the shotgun, walked toward the sidelines like he didn't get the play, only to have the ball direct snapped to the running back? Oh, the Mularkey memories. 3rd-and-2? It's a triple reverse to Amos Zereoue for four yard loss. Yep, good times.)

Other than the obvious fact that Pittsburgh scored, there was some good to come out of the Ben-to-Hines TD: Ben doing that crazy six-shooter sideline dance. My buddy Andy thought Ben was mocking Butch Johnson, but after listening to Ben in his press conference, it became pretty clear that he was just making stuff up as he went along. Which, if my guess is right, means that this is what he looks like when he's dancing at the club ... just making stuff up as he goes along.

... In retrospect, I should've started doing this at mid-season, when Tyrone Carter got more playing time, but better late than never for my Tyrone Carter Play of the Day. If there's any doubt about this one, just fast-forward to the 2:29 point in the 4th quarter and let the tape roll. Plummer takes a leisurely drop-back, and throws the medicine ball of medicine balls in the flat to Tatum Bell. A normal defensive back would actually try and make a play on the ball. A normal defensive back, eight times out of 10, would've picked that pass of and taken it to the house. But Tyrone Carter ain't a normal defensive back. Instead, he just lowers his head, takes two steps and levels Bell. Great play. Actually, I should clarify. A great play that was also really weird/funny looking because the ball almost hit Carter in the back of the head as he was laying the wood to Bell. That dude is crazy.

... Did anybody else notice that when the Steelers were running the ball out near the end of the game, but before their last touchdown, that the Bus still didn't have two hands on the ball? I think my buddy Andy had it right when he said, "Jerome can't physically get both hands on the ball; he's too fat." Yeah, I never thought of it that way, but hey, physics is physics. And guess what, it doesn't matter because Pittsburgh's off to the city affectionately known as, "Cleveland without the glitz." Now what's not to love about that?

And oh yeah, solid work by Jabbs42, who was just a bit closer with his prediction than me.

Get Your Mind Right

That's what my junior high baseball coach use to say before games. Make sure you "Get your mind right." Of course, he also use to say, "When you get to third base, keep on truckin'", so take that for what it's worth. Either way, here are some really random things that look to give the Steelers the edge today (and yes, I'm grasping at straws at this point in the proceedings).

I read two interesting articles on Troy this week and here's all you need to know:

"It is off the field where Polamalu’s personality does not remotely reflect his on-field image of being a wide-eyed, modern-day version of Jack Lambert - albeit with all his teeth. He dresses much like the college student he was only three years ago and hasn’t cut his hair since then, to honor his Samoan heritage. His teammates still talk about how he showed up at training camp as a rookie driving a $12,000 Kia."

And then there's this:

"A feature on Polamalu in the Los Angeles Daily News told of a custom he and his wife have. When eating out, they'll sometimes look for a couple or a family who really seem to be enjoying themselves. The Polamalus will then approach a waiter and ask to pay for their meal.

"We like to spot a couple," Polamalu told the Daily News, "just see somebody that makes us think, 'Man, they're having such a beautiful time. Let's make this even more beautiful for them and share this blessing that we’ve received.'"

Look, guys who randomly buy unsuspecting happy people dinner and drive around in Kia's deserve to go to the Super Bowl.

And if Troy being a really nice guy isn't enough, Charlie Frye also endorses the Steelers:

"What happened to Peyton in that game, it didn't surprise me," said Frye. "After playing the Steelers and then watching that game again on film, their defense is playing at a different level than anybody else in the NFL right now. They're playing so fast."

Before the playoffs even began, Frye's mind was made up.

"My prediction was that the Steelers were going to win the Super Bowl," he said. "The way they won four in a row to end the season and how well they were playing, I just felt they were unbeatable."

And one more thing: I know the Broncos are 9-0 at home this season, but so were the 2004 Steelers, and we know how that worked out. See, there's nothing to worry about.

A Loser Picking Winners, Week 20

First of all, great story in today's Post-Gazette about Ben Roethlisberger. Other than getting constantly distracted by that creepy painting of Ben on the right sidebar, it was good stuff. The Tribune-Review, not to be outdone, had an equally solid piece on Dick LeBeau. Things are really getting weird when both Pittsburgh papers actually print readable stories. In that spirit, It follows then, that the Steelers should win the AFCC in a landslide and be given the Super Bowl title by default. Yeah, that probably won't happen.

***
I was thumbing through last week's Sports Illustrated (the one with Jerome on the cover) and came across maybe my favorite Steelers photo of the year (even ahead of The Tackle). Watching Ike Taylor hold Tyrone Carter back pretty much convinces me that Carter is probably rabid. If he and Bob Sanders had a steel cage match, you'd expect Sanders to be like, "Um, OK. This dude is crazy. I'm just out there puttin' on a show for the fans. But this is for real. He said he'd eat me, and I believe him." My next homemade Steelers shirt might have to be a #23.

In that same SI, several Steelers are asked about their tattoos. Hines Ward, Kendall Simmons and Ike Taylor all explain how they got their tats, and the magazine also included photos so average fans could put a face with the story. Except that SI screwed up. Or maybe they didn't. Maybe there was an asterisk next to where Taylor's mug was supposed to be and it said, "Ike Taylor's photo will be played by Ricardo Colclough's photo for this issue." Honest mistake I guess. Although, how hard is it to look up a player's likeness on the team website?

***
One of the great things about starting the season 7-5 is that everybody picks against you, and there's really not much outside pressure to succeed (like, say, the 2004 Steelers, or for a more recent example, the 2005 Colts). Well, that's all changing this week. A lot of people are picking Pittsburgh to win. Of course, that didn't stop Ben Roethlisberger from busting out a modified version of the respect card earlier this week during a Q & A with the local media.

And when I say "a lot of people are picking Pittsburgh to win," that includes a friend to Steelers fans everywhere, Bill Simmons. Yeah, I know, Simmons has been down on Pittsburgh seemingly from the start, and that's upset a lot of Pittsburgh folks, but it looks like things are changing. Or are they? Simmons admits that his picks were garbage last week, and he might be Eddy Mush again Sunday. So maybe he wants the Steelers to lose. To be honest, I don't care either way. And I care even less that Simmons doesn't seem to be a big Steelers supporter.

For starters, he's a New England homer, and he makes that clear up front. I'm in really no position to be bashing people for homerism. Well, unless I was going to punch myself in the face first. Then I guess I'd be well within my rights to give Simmons the business. I'll let you know when that happens. Anyway, back on earth, Simmons doesn't like Pittsburgh, and throws in a "Tommy Maddox sucks," or "Jerome Bettis is fat" joke whenever he can. Big whoop. Plus, all the jabs were worth it after reading his Pats/Broncos recap. Going through that column, I could envision Simmons typing out a few words, then jumping up, running to the bathroom, and behind closed doors, you hear uncontrollable, hysterical crying -- mostly inaudible, save an occasional, "Why Tom?!?, Whhhhhhyyyyyyy??!!??"

Yep, well worth it. (Wait, didn't I just write something about being in no position to bash people? Semantics.) I'm guessing the Steelers aren't very high on Simmons' list of "things that really worry me" after Isiah Thomas, earlier this week, said on Stephen A. Smith's radio show (the only guy, by the way, worse at his job than Isiah Thomas), that "he had something for Bill Simmons." Shouldn't Thomas, a GM of a professional sports team, have better things to do with his time than read Page 2? There is a silver lining however. At least it wasn't Jerome Bettis threatening to jump off the top rope onto Simmons after he made all those chubby jokes last week.

***
This might be the most hilarious thing to come out of the Indy game:

I didn't see this during the game but on their radio show, Hines and DeShea said that after the Steelers called TO to ice Vanderjagt, Vanderjagt pointed at Cowher, gave a thumbs up and winked.

Who knows if it's true or not, but it's funny as hell.

The funniest non-Vanderjagt-related thing to come out of the Indy game?

Watching the NFL Network "Sounds of the Game" on demand, best line of the Steelers post game locker room:

Cowher: "Hey Peezy [Porter], will you please be quiet this week?"
Porter: "Aw man, they shot me in Denver!"

I had heard about this earlier in the week, but finally got to see it today. I forgot Porter goes by J. Peezy and it reminded me of this picture from the start of the 2004 training camp. (note to self: get golf cart with catchy nickname airbrushed across hood.)

***
Completely random link to this site has to be this. It's official, I've made my way to Europe. What I found really shocking -- other than the fact that some German speakers find this silliness interesting (Or maybe they didn't -- maybe they were making fun of me. I can't read German) -- is that so many non-English speakers are hugh Steelers fans.

***
Before I get to the picks, I feel obliged to mention the Tar Heels (although I suspect only three people reading this may care, and I'm counting myself twice). After their big win over NC State last week, they followed that up with two crap-the-bedders against Miami and UVa. Which is to be expected on a team that starts one senior and three freshman. I saw most of both games, and not surprisingly, UNC was very inconsistent. Not overmatched, or outplayed, just a bunch of little mistakes that together ended up in two losses. And for the record, let it be known, that Quentin Thomas played pretty well in both games. No dribble-knee balls out-of-bounds. No midcourt passes intended for Byron Sanders that end up as turnovers. No falling-down-with-nobody-around-him-turnovers, either. So if there's a bright spot, that's it. Well, that and NC State lost to Duke.

***
I just heard this disturbing news while listening to John Clayton on EPSN Radio: the Raiders are very interested in Ken Whisenhunt. I was hoping Whisenhunt might get a shot at the Rams job, but going to Oakland is worse than being banished to Siberia in a banana hammock. That organization redefines "dysfunctional." I'm all for deserving guys getting shots at head coaching jobs, but I think more bad than good can come of this if you're Whisenhunt.

***
Anyway, speaking of last week's picks, I was just like Tommy Maddox in the XFL Championship: unstoppable. To the tune of 4-0. Of course half my picks were of the, "I'm picking against these teams because I want them to lose 50-0" variety (hello New England and Washington), and another pick was due to a severe bout of homeritis. I actually thought the Panthers would win, so discounting the other ridiculousness, I was still undefeated at a very unimpressive 1-0. But given my track record, I'll take it.

And speaking of Tommy Maddox, this is just wrong. I think. Okey doke, on to the picks:

AWAY HOME  LINE   PICK
CAR  SEA   3.5    SEA
PIT  DEN   3.0    PIT

Season: 118 - 140 - 6
Last week: 4 - 0
Earnings to date: - $3600

Week 1 picks Week 10 picks
Week 2 picks Week 11 picks
Week 3 picks Week 12 picks
Week 4 picks Week 13 picks
Week 5 picks Week 14 picks
Week 6 picks Week 15 picks
Week 7 picks Week 16 picks
Week 8 picks Week 17 picks
Week 9 picks Week 18 picks
Week 19 picks

Sooner or Later

OK, real world stuff is really getting in the way of me spending as much time as possible writing about things like Sci-Fi, Jerome's waistline and Peyton's hairline. This is a long-winded way of saying I won't have anything up until Friday evening at the earliest (you can thank really crappy Metro service and my job for that one). In the meantime, feel free to make donations so I can do this full-time. And if that doesn't float your boat, feel free to make fun of Mike Vanderjagt (that seems like the logical alternative, right?). And in case you're interested, I just added Battlestar Galactica (season 1) to Netflix.

More Stuff

So here's what I did Monday: I watched The Game again. Yeah, I know, big surprise. But this time, I used my Ghetto Simulcast. That's when I listen to the Steelers radio guys on the internets and watch the CBS telecast. Of course, it took me about 15 minutes to get the play-by-play to actually line up with the onscreen action, but once I did, it was like, well, watching the game on mute while listening to the radio.

I've said it before, but I really like Bill Hillgrove and Tunch Ilkin. And the Colts game might have been maybe the single funniest display of homerism/color commentary since Myron Cope hung them up last year. Still, I like listening to these guys because you actually learn stuff. And here are a couple of things I caught while listening the radio broadcast:

... Ilkin mentioned that Nate Washington has looked good in practice; very smooth, fast, good hands, and he thinks he could be a really good player in the next few seasons. Memo to local newspapers: Hey, stuff like this is good to know.

... You won't believe this, but during warm-ups, Porter was running his yap at anybody who'd listen. Apparently, the officials had been instructed to position themselves between both teams at midfield (hey, they got one right!). Still, Bill Hillgrove noted that Porter was getting into it with Indy's strength coach, and then said something about, "I meant to tell Joey not to get that guy going because he's some kind of kickboxing sensei or something." OK, I made the part of about being a sensei, but the guy was some kind of kickboxing expert. And given that "strength coach" is often a euphemism for "guys who still wear those coaches shorts, pine for the days of high school, and love bench pressing and punching people without much provocation," Hillgrove might have been well advised to let Porter in on his little secret. Or not. Maybe he wanted to see what happens when two meathead meet at midfield.

... As the game progressed, Tunch pointed out that the Steelers were doing a good job of not letting the Colts WRs get off the line of scrimmage. I don't know if the Chargers did this effectively, or if the Steelers just didn't do it well enough the first time, but either way, it seemed to work. Indy's passing game is about timing, and if you disrupt things from the get-go, it looks to cause problems (Of course, the question then becomes: Why the hell didn't other teams do it during the other 15 weeks of the regular season. Hey look, I'm not a coach, so how should I know? Seriously, Indy did struggle offensively during the first few weeks of the season. I didn't see any of those games, but maybe defenses were effectively jamming the Colts WRs early, the Colts made an adjustment, started averaging 50 points a game, and defenses started looking for other ways to exploit Indy's offense. Or maybe everything I just wrote is completely made up. It's one or the other.)

***
Brian mentioned Monday that he was going to write about being worried over the Edge running pretty effectively against the Steelers at points during the game, but he later decided against it. Honestly, I had to keep reminding myself that James running the ball was a good thing. In fact, about every three or four minutes, I would shout out Tourette's style: "Make them f-ing earn it!" My point was this: the Colts can nickel and dime their way down the field all day long. Let Edge run for four yards; let Reggie Wayne make a six-yard reception; let that hyper active dude playing tight end (Brandon Fletcher) wear himself out after catching a two-yard pass on third-and-seven. I don't know if Peyton was necessarily frustrated by having to throw a lot of underneath stuff, but I really didn't care, because as long and he's not throwing the ball down the field, the Steelers increase their chances of staying in the game.

***
Hey, did anybody else hear that Pete Morelli was basically making stuff up as he went along on the Troy Polamalu interception? Yeah, I know, really surprising. Actually, I don't want to revisit that here. I mean, it's been talked to death. Seriously, any time anything happens that so obviously wrong that both Sean Salisbury and Skip Bayless fall on the same side of the issue as I do, then it's probably time to move on. And that's what I plan on doing.

One penalty that nobody's talking about (and to be fair, if everybody talked about every penalty, we'd have to move the AFCC back to the first week of March) is the face mask called on Bob Sanders during Hines' catch late in the first quarter. And I'm not even sure Sanders grabbed Ward's face mask. My question is how come it's OK for the offensive player to stiff arm a defender in the face -- and as best I can tell, grab his face mask while he's at the stiff-arming -- but that's not a penalty? Obviously, I'm glad it wasn't, but it just seems like one of those arbitrary no-calls that some dude on the rules committee stuck in at the last minute while everybody else was taking a bathroom break or something (kinda like the "if the ball is intercepted in the middle of the field and the defender rolls, untouched, out of bounds, it's an incompletion" rule that was also under consideration).

... Israel asks:

How many quarterbacks make that tackle? How many try? Certainly not Manning - at least not Peyton. Or Brady. Vick? Culpepper? Kordell? Randall Cunningham? George Blanda? (Kyle Boller?)

This is a very important question. One that I wasn't thinking about immediately after Jerome fumbled (probably because I was crapping my pants), but after things settled down a bit, the magnitude of Roethlisberger's play started to dawn on me. Given 10 chances, I'm guessing Ben makes the tackle once. Luckily, that just happened to be last Sunday. But to Israel's question, I think Boller would have a legitimate shot at making that play. Plus, it would ease his eventual transition to safety. OK, I admit it, I just wanted to get my weekly Boller sucker punch in a little early. I feel better now.

... I found this pretty funny. Not because Vanderjagt just shanked his way out of town (this was written the Saturday before the game), but because it's legitimately humorous:

Q: Share with us your most embarrassing moment in the locker room.

A: About two years ago, I got a new chair next to my locker that was different from everyone else's; a leather office chair with wheels. The other players have those little blue folding chairs.

Offensive lineman Jim Newton (6-9, 300 pounds) got naked in my chair. Someone took a picture of him and then hung it in my locker.

Needless to say, I had to disinfect my chair.

I'm guessing after Sunday's game, Jim Newton got naked in Vanderjagt's chair with Vanderjagt still in it.

... Alright, one more thing about the blown interception call: how funny is that Joey Porter, (a) says the officials conspired to give the Colts the game, (b) the league then calls out said officials for blowing the call, and then, (c) don't have any reactions to Porter's comments, and may not even fine him? When I first heard Porter's diatribe, I was pretty sure he and Sean Taylor would be swapping, "What we coulda done with the $17K we donated to the NFL" stories later this off-season (If Taylor goes to the clink, these conversations will have to either be (a) collect calls, or (b) through a glass partition if Porter actually decides to visit in person. But these are details that can be worked out later)

... Just a couple more things. During Monday's Total Access, Rich Eisen, along with Terrell Davis, got Rod Woodson on the phone (just in case you don't know, usually all three work together at least a few days a week), and the following conversation ensued:

EISEN: Rod, TD has agreed that he will wear your game jersey if the Steelers win this game. Will you agree to wear a #30 ...

DAVIS: I need three X's too -- three X's (flexes) when you get that jersey ...

EISEN: Will you agree to wear a TD jersey should the Broncos win this game, Rod?

WOODSON: They don't make jersey's for guys who only played three years in the league.

DAVIS: (Laughing) Three years?

EISEN: Ooooh. (Laughing) Oh my god (more laughing).

DAVIS: Three years? Uh, um, (inaudible). Let me correct you, I played eight years. I played eight years.

And then they actually talked about the game, which wasn't quite as funny as Woodson's zinger. Hey TD, Yahtzee!

... And oh yeah, Mike Pereira, the NFL head of officials (or some similar title) will be on Total Access Wednesday night at 7pm EST to explain the crap load of horrific officiating that took place last weekend. That should be fun.

The Ball Never Lies

OK, raise your hand if this game reminded you of that one episode on Firefox ... Just kidding. First, I think a few words from Ludacris are appropriate:

"I came, I saw,
I hit 'em right dead in the jaw..."

(For the first time in modern history, somebody references Firefly, and in their next breath, cites Ludacris lyrics. Yep, a lot of ground-breaking stuff going on here.)

Honestly, did anybody else besides me pick the Steelers to win this game (of course, to be fair, I would've picked the 2003 Steelers against the 1985 Bears, but whatever)? For all the questions all the doubters had last week after Carson Palmer went down, just as many (and maybe more) were answered after Sunday's game. Against the Colts. In Indy.

Hey, where's Trent Walker when you need him? Because Benny's all growned up. This ain't exactly insightful, but this was Roethlisberger's best game in two years ... by a long shot. All week, every time you turned around, all you heard was how the Colts were going to demolish the Steelers. And honestly, that wasn't really all that surprising (I mean, come on, you can't very well pick Pittsburgh to have much of a chance ... at least with a straight face). The whole time however, in the back of my mind, I kept wondering if everybody was just dismissing the Chargers game because, well, I don't have a really good reason why people would discount it. Guess what? Dick LeBeau didn't. And it looked like he basically ripped off Wade Phillips's game plan, and ran it as about as well as San Diego did.

A lot of credit should go to Ken Whisenhunt too. Pittsburgh did exactly what they had to -- and exactly the opposite of what everybody expected them to -- which means they threw the ball on first down, threw the ball on second down, and threw the ball on third down. And not only did they throw it, they were very successful doing it. I remember hearing somewhere last week that the Chargers were success on offense, in part, because they threw the ball down the field. And on the second play of the game, Roethlisberger hit Heath Miller running down the field, right by safety Mike Doss. By the way, is it just me, or does Miller not look particularly fast? My opinion changed pretty quickly after the play I mentioned above. Not only did Miller outrun Doss, but cornerback (and first round pick) Marlin Jackson was in pursuit and looked like he was running in quick sand. Interestingly, Bob Sanders was nowhere to be seen, and I'm guessing a lot of that has to do with the Colts bringing everybody and their brother to the line of scrimmage to stop the run. Once again, great job by Ken "The Whizzantor (Latin version)" Whisenhunt.

Okey doke, I haven't watched the game again, but here are some random thoughts from the first showing:

... Opening kickoff ... and Ike Taylor fakes the reverse. Huh. Not really upset by it, just found it really curious. Especially since Taylor was tackled at the 16-yard line.

... First play of the game: play-action pass to Randle El. Result: Randle El drops a pass that hit him right in the chest. That immediately led to this conversation between me and my buddy Andy:

Andy: God, he drops a lot of passes.

Me: Yeah, and he has the best hands on the team. Just imagine if he couldn't catch.

Not exactly how you want to start the game if you're Pittsburgh, but to be fair, other than that play, Randle El had a really good game. (His touchdown catch was pretty friggin' sweet. It was very similar to Hines's TD catch last week, except that Ben through the ball a little behind Randle El, and he had to adjust to make the play. It's also worth noting that the coverage on the play was nothing short of deplorable. Nothing like giving up the underneath, and playing zone in the back two yards of the end zone. If that was actually their plan, it worked perfectly.)

... If anyone has any details leading to the arrest of the person responsible for kidnapping Peyton Manning, and giving him a Eli Manning lobotomy, please contact your local authorities.

Honestly, how out of sorts did Peyton look? Kimo Von Oelhoffen bounced back nicely from a tough game last week (and when I say "tough", yeah, I know, he didn't tear his ACL, but he did, my most reasonable accounts, injure Palmer accidentally, and he's had to deal with all the notoriety -- mostly negative -- all week). And both Aaron Smith and the Hampburglar were in Manning's face most of the day. And when they weren't, Farrior, Troy and Porter were. I was also glad to see Hampton on the field a lot more than he was during the last matchup. His presence did a lot to force the Colts to run the ball outside, something they weren't really successful doing until midway through the second half. And one more thing. Bob Sanders who? I got two words for you: Tyrone Carter. Yeah, we got our own midget safety that likes to knock the crap out of people. In fact, I think he's shorter than Sanders. So take that.

My vote for "funniest play that was also a pretty big play" was in the second half when the Colts had the ball deep in their territory and as Manning dropped back to pass, Hampton blew up Colts center, Jeff Saturday, and then proceeded to chase Manning toward the sideline. Here's what I wrote after the Browns game during the 2004 season (and you'll realize why I'm pointing this out in just a second):

"And although the defensive line gets very little ink, they are the anchor of this unit. I love how Casey Hampton was dropping into zone coverages and making a lot of downfield tackles. In fact, on one play down the field, I actually saw sparks flying from between his legs because of all the friction (Honestly, the Steelers might want to look into getting him a pair of fire-retardant pants to avoid future potential hazards -- but that's just a suggestion)."

Yeah, I know, I'm hilarious. But this is the first thing I thought of when I saw Hampton in hot pursuit. He looked like the fat kid in middle school looking to grab anybody in meat-hook range after he finds out his lunch is missing. Classic.

... OK, I guess I have to mention the officiating, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it. I'll just say this: the Steelers were jobbed. The no-call PI on Randle El in the first half was bad. Blowing Troy's first potential interception dead (thus meaning it was an incompletion and not reviewable) was worse. Having four Colts defensive linemen run across the line of scrimmage only to have referee Pete Morelli announce there wasn't a penalty (even though replays showed that Faneca squeezed his butt cheeks just enough to be called for a false start) was laughable. And then the reversal on Troy's later interception was mind-numbingly awful. Slow motion train wreck awful. But hey, other than that, the game was impeccably officiated. OK. That's all I've got on that.

... Even after Morelli inexplicably overturned Troy's pick, and the Colts marched right down the field and scored a touchdown, I still felt very confident in the Steelers and their chances. Dick LeBeau got these guys ready to play (well, either that, or Joey Porter running his yap did) and they seemed to be giving Manning fits all day. I'll be interested to hear what all the Cowher-haters will have to talk about after the last two games. Twice -- on the same drive -- the Steelers went for it on fourth down. And converted it. The first one was thanks to the Bus running over people. The second was thanks to the Bus running over Ben (it was a QB sneak) and getting him the extra yard the hard way.

And late in the 4th, when Pittsburgh sacked Manning on 4th and 16 I, like everybody else on the planet, thought the game was over. Honestly, you couldn't dream up a scenario that involved the Steelers getting the ball at the Colts' 2-yard line, with just over a minute to go, and end up with Indy getting the ball at their 40-yard line. And it was because the Bus fumbled at the 1. No way. Just doesn't happen. Except, well, that it did. I have a couple of game balls to give out, but one of them have to go to Roethlisberger. How he made that tackle on Nick Harper I'll never know. When the ball was first fumbled and Harper picked it up, Ben was so far back, he was out of the screen. I just figured he's fallen down. Nope. He was just waiting -- Todd Sauerbrun style -- to make a play. Just unbelievable. In fact, he might want to give Chris Hope some pointers on how to wrap up on tackles. (And by the way, that play makes up for his non-tackle in last year's AFCC against Rodney Harrison after he threw that pick that ended up going back for six.)

... There were a lot of funny "hey, look at that" moments during this game, but one of my favorites was during the third quarter. With about eight minutes to go, the Steelers made a big play (I can't remember the specifics, but once I take another look at the game, you can bet your ass I'll document it for posterity), I specifically remember seeing Cowher with a big grin on his face. That's not all that surprising, but what did catch my eye was the fact that he didn't even have a head set on. And it wasn't like he had just slung it over his shoulder, or handed it to his assistant, either. It was more like, "hey Bill, just hold this play sheet, stand over there, wave your arms around, but don't get in the way while we try and coach 'em up" type stuff.

So just more proof that all the Cowher-haters don't know what they're talking about. Cowher doesn't actually coach the games, fellas. He's like Dr. Phil or Tony Robbins: just there for moral support.

... Alright, that's all I got for now. There will be an encore (and an encore, encore) presentation of this game at my house, well, now, and I'm sure I'll have plenty more stuff to talk about after these viewings. But until that time, I think I have to agree, at least in part, with Stan Savran, who gave his game ball to Danielle Harper, Nick Harper's wife. I mean, if she didn't stab her husband in the knee, who knows, he might've taken that fumble back to the house. And instead of talking about how well the Steelers played as a team, we'd probably be talking about how Jerome Bettis and Bill Buckner were going to spend their remaining days on Exile Island. Thanks Danielle! And oh yeah, Mike Vanderjagt -- couldn't have happened to a nicer jerk.

OK, one more thing -- I just remembered that I forgot to give one of my game balls to Bryant McFadden. Two great plays at the end of the game while covering Reggie Wayne. He got introduced to the NFL during the first Colts game, but he played out of his ass during the final drive. Good stuff.

P.S. And props to Rowdy for the call on the final score.

A Loser Picking Winners, Week 19

Free Stuff Edition
(Because tomorrow is Friday the 13th and I'm extremely superstitious, I'm posting this Thursday night. Just and FYI.)

I've been meaning to write about this for a couple of weeks, but haven't gotten around to it until now. One of the many benefits of running this site is that I get craploads of free stuff. Every day. OK, that's not quite true. In fact, I hardly ever get anything, especially if it's free.

But my luck's changing. Right before Christmas, Jason Porter (no relation to Joey ... I think) of Tango-Entertainment asked if I'd be interested in some free DVDs in exchange for a review on this site. Big surprise: I said yes. In fact, I said yes before I even knew what "free DVDs" were included. Well, anybody remember "1st & 10"?

You know, the HBO series from the mid-1980's that ran for five or six seasons, and featured a much more svelte Delta Burke running a professional football team? It's kinda like "Major League" but without Willie Mays Hays. I finally got around to watching the first episode the other day, and my first thought was, "Wow, this is what people really dressed like in the '80s." Other than the tight-fitting clothes, the show was pretty good. And like my buddy Andy reminisced, "there's the added bonus of random nudity." Yep, there's nothing quite like unexpected boobage to keep a show interesting.

Anyway, as I work my way through the series, I'll periodically give updates, and if you're looking for sports-related DVDs, you should check out Tango-Entertainment.

***
As long as I'm plugging stuff, there's still time to get a "The Nation" tee shirt (see the ad at the top left). They're only 10 bucks, and since my buddy Andy started sporting his this season, he's actually talked to a girl. If that's not proof enough of the power of these shirts, I don't know what is.

***
Random Plugs For Things I Didn't Get For Free
OK, I admit it, I love science fiction. Other than being a nerd in my everyday comings and goings, I also love watching (and even occasionally reading) science fiction. Even if it's the worst movie ever made.

Anyway, me and my wife just finished up the Firefly series, including the movie, Serenity. It's by Joss Whedon, the same dude responsible for Buffy, and Angel, two shows that I never really got into (although I liked Titan A.E.).

Firefly started out on the USA Network, lasted about as long as a 2005 Keith Foulke relief appearance, and then, amazingly, became more and more popular as like-minded nerds used the internets to drum up support. So much support, in fact, that Whedon was able to make a movie. And now there's news that there could even be a sequel (this, my friends, is the awesome power of nerds).

So while it's a safe bet that most people reading this site could care less about my Sci-Fi interests (and that's assuming that they've made it this far down the page), if I can encourage just one person to watch the series, then it's been well worth it. Or something like that. And one more thing: I don't read much Sci-Fi, but I liked this book a lot. That's it on the Sci-Fi talk. I mean it.

***
... OK, raise your hand if you think Joey Porter rides the short bus to practice while wearing his helmet and mouthpiece. My first thought while reading this account was, "hey, when did the Steelers re-sign Lee Flowers." If Porter had busted out, "the Colts are paper champions," I wouldn't have been surprised.

Honestly, I could do without all the yapping. Especially after the last little get together resulted in a 26-7 drubbing. Are the Colts a "finesse" team? Uh, well, it sure as hell didn't look like it on November 28. Maybe if Bob Sanders wasn't flying around knocking people out all evening, I might have thought differently (which reminds me, maybe we should revisit my idea to use the Bus to run right at Sanders early in the game, just to slow him down a little bit).

And if you don't think all this trash-talking affects how teams play, Steve Smith said on PTI Wednesday that the Panthers were well aware of all the Bears' trash talking, and admitted that in fact, it does create extra motivation on game days. If you want more proof, just ask T.J. Houshmanzadeh how last Sunday's game worked out for him after a week's worth of blabbing.

I like Porter, and I think he's had a good season. Now I just need him to take it easy on the jabberin' and concentrate on playing tackling people.

... And then there's the good cop, Ben Roethlisberger. Yesterday he stated that even if the Steelers played their A-game, the Colts would have to bust out a B-minus game for Pittsburgh to even have a chance. Now that's more like it. Let the other team think you've already given up. I suspect people find Ben's veracity on this subject about as believable as Tom Brady talking about being disrespected (genuflect). Although I guess an argument could me made that Brady was actually being serious.

***
It looks like Nate Washington will be the fourth receiver Sunday, and that's fine by me. I know he hasn't even dressed for a game since the Tommy Maddox-inspired Jags game in October, but Lee Mays hasn't dressed for a game since last January. And now that I think about it, what do you think Mays has been doing for the last four months? I didn't hear of any other teams giving him a look, so who knows what kind of shape he's in at this point. He might look like Buster Douglas a few years after he knocked out Mike Tyson, for all we know. Alright, it's probably not that bad, but I'd be very surprised if Mays is (a) in decent shape, and (b) if he worked at all on improving his pass-catching skills (an ability, by the way, that's not all that marketable once you're no longer a professional football player). After learning of the Mays signing, my first thought was: "Huh, Chris Doering must've gotten tired of re-signing with the Steelers only to get cut four days later."

***
I saw this on NFL Network the other day and I found the clip at Steelers Nation. It's hilarious for a couple of reasons. First, it shows Cowher doing the "Who Dey" chant in the locker room after the game, but after three "Who Dey's," he doesn't know what to say, and looks like the kid at the school musical who forgets the words to the big number that wraps up the show. And the only thing funnier than that is watching Joey Porter on the sidelines, in between oxygen mask breaks, telling the Bengals fans that he's tired of whippin' their ass. Now it's this kind of trash-taking -- you know, after the game is well in hand -- that I find extremely amusing.

***
If you're looking for a good omen, check this out. Some dude doctored up Tecmo Bowl and played the Steelers vs. the Colts, 2006 Playoff Edition. Not surprisingly, Pittsburgh won 49-16 (9.5 point spread be damned). And the Bus ran for 201 yards ... on 12 carries. OK, maybe this wasn't ever really about the game, but more of an exercise in reliving the past while also willing your team on to victory. Whatever, I'll take it. (And by the way, if you want another hint that this "game" probably was fixed, consider this line: J. Tuman, 5 catches, 100 yards. Yeah, right. That's like Cedrick Wilson catching a touchdown pass or something.)

***
The whole Chad Johnson-putting-coaches-in-headlocks-during-halftime thing was mentioned a couple of days ago, but it still hasn't been confirmed. Johnson even held a press conference to deny it, but that didn't slow up Boomer Esiason from saying the incident did in fact happen. And then he went on to lambaste Johnson for being a selfish prick. I don't like Deion Sanders all that much, but I can't fault the guy for leaving CBS primarily because he hated working with Esiason.

I honestly don't know what to make of this. It's too bad if it did happen, and the fact that all these rumors are swirling right after a heart-breaking playoff loss -- Cincy's first in 15 years -- makes it even sadder ... or maybe weirder is a better word. I re-watched part of the second half last night, and there were a couple of shots of Johnson sitting by himself on the sidelines looking off into space, T.O. style. Of course, that's how he looked after the first Cincy-Pitt matchup too, so I don't know if you can read too much into it (well, unless he was passing out halftime headlocks during the first game too). I guess we'll get a better idea of where things stand when Johnson and Drew Rosenhaus hold a press conference to demand more money, and the Bengals subsequently cut him.

***
Finally, here's something that I found pretty surprising: Of the remaining playoff teams (and rosters), UNC is the best represented university. Better than The U, Florida State, The Ohio State University, and even William and Mary.

On to the picks:

AWAY HOME  LINE   PICK
WAS  SEA     9.0    SEA
NE   DEN     3.0    DEN
CAR  CHI     3.0    CAR
PIT  IND     9.5    PIT

Season: 114 - 140 - 6
Last week: 2 - 2
Earnings to date: - $4000

Week 1 picks Week 10 picks
Week 2 picks Week 11 picks
Week 3 picks Week 12 picks
Week 4 picks Week 13 picks
Week 5 picks Week 14 picks
Week 6 picks Week 15 picks
Week 7 picks Week 16 picks
Week 8 picks Week 17 picks
Week 9 picks Week 18 picks