A Loser Picking the Winners, Week 17

Nine and a half points? The Bills are favored by 9.5 points in Sunday's game? Look, I know that Lee Mays and Sean Morey might see significant playing time at WR, but Tommy Maddox, Kendrell Bell and Chad Scott aren't exactly scrubs (well, maybe Chad Scott). Not only that but don't the Bills still have Drew Bledsoe as their QB and Mike "I never met a trick play I didn't like" Mularkey. I was actually telling my buddy Andy that I hope the Bills run a trick play at least two or three times every series. I'm holding out for some new-fangled variation of the old statue of liberty play.

***
Since one of my hobbies is beating dead horses, I might as well bring up my main man, the self-annointed genius, Brian Billick. In today's Washington Post, Billick is quoted as saying the following about the job status of Matt Cavanaugh:

"The status of my coaches is in my contract. Hiring, firing, the payment, the budgeting, is under my preview and is going to remain that way, thanks to the confidence [owner] Steve Bisciotti has exhibited in me,"

Um, for being a genius, Billick doesn't have quite the mastery of the English language that maybe he should have. Specifically, I don't think "preview" is the word Billick should've used in his comments above. I think the word he wanted to use was "purview", but hey, it's a lot of work being a genius; plus, with all the crazy stuff going on in that locker room, who has time to consult his word-of-the-day calender? Tsk, tsk (me shaking my head and chuckling).

***
It's amazing how some people end up on this site based on the search terms they used. Here's a list of a few that gave me a good laugh:

"mark madden" high school girl "Ben Roethlisberger"

tom brady dating bridget

joey porter and todd heap

was Terrell Owens on January 2004 in the bahamas?

jerome bettis running over ray lewis

"plaxico burress" "ford F-650"

Plaxico Burress arrested girlfriend

jheri curls

derek jeter diving into stands

kyle boller girlfriend

Mark Madden, Ben Roethlisberger and high school girls? First, what's that about? Second, how the hell did that lead someone to this weblog? I've also gotten a lot of hits from people wanting to see the Bus run over Ray-Ray. In addition to Tom Brady and his romantic interests, there's also been a number of people looking for pictures of Kyle Boller and Tara Reid. Still, I'm glad to see that when he's not playing, Plax has time to make citizen arrests on his girlfriend. Anyway ...

***
In the next to last week of regular season play I managed 8-6-2 record and am now a wimpy six games over .500 for the season. I'm going to need some good fortune to break even on my bets after week 17 is in the books. And with seemingly half the teams mailing it in because they're already in the playoffs, things will be more of a crapshoot than usual. Either way, I'm picking the Steelers -- one, because they're 9.5 point underdogs, and two, they could be favored by 40 points and I'd still pick them because I don't want to start mixing things up now and jinx a 14-1 season. Anyway, have a Happy New Year and here's week 17:

Home	Away	Line	Pick
PHI	CIN	-3	CIN
NE	SF	-13.5	NE
HOU	CLE	-9.5	HOU
TEN	DET	-3	DET
CHI	GB	-3	GB
BAL	MIA	-11	MIA
WAS	MIN	-4	MIN
CAR	NO	-8	NO
STL	NYJ	-3	NYJ
BUF	PIT	-9	PIT
SEA	ATL	-5	SEA
ARI	TB	-3	TB
DEN	IND	-8.5	DEN
OAK	JAX	OFF	JAX
SD	KC	-3	SD
NYG	DAL	-3	DAL

Season: 119 - 113 - 7
Last week: 8 - 6
Earnings to date: - $530

Week 1 picks Week 10 picks
Week 2 picks Week 11 picks
Week 3 picks Week 12 picks
Week 4 picks Week 13 picks
Week 5 picks Week 14 picks
Week 6 picks Week 15 picks
Week 7 picks Week 16 picks
Week 8 picks
Week 9 picks

UNC & the Winter Break

Hey, it was just a few weeks ago that I was wondering where the hell Joseph Forte landed, and earlier this week Adam Lucas of TarheelBlue.com found him:

Joseph Forte: The two-year Tar Heel great joined the NBDL's Asheville Altitude on Dec. 14. Since then, he's played in three games and is averaging 2.7 points per game.

Ugh. Forte's precipitous fall from grace makes M.C. Hammer's death-spiral into bankruptcy seem almost glacial in comparison. I mentioned before that Forte is easily the most enigmatic player to come out of UNC in recent memory (not counting Robots McCants, of course). You can only hope that he's on his way back to the NBA after a pretty poor first showing.

Speaking of former UNC guys playing in a professional league not called the NBA, Lucas also catches up with Ed Cota and Shammond Williams -- two of my favorite players from the last decade. The last time I mentioned Cota here, he was playing in Lithuania. Here's what they're both up to now:

Ed Cota and Shammond Williams: Both Tar Heels are playing in Russia. Cota is with Dynamo St. Petersburg and Williams plays for UNICS Kazan. The two teams will play each other on Jan. 22 in St. Petersburg--that's St. Petersburg, Russia, not St. Petersburg, Florida.

If our Russian is anywhere close to right, we'd say Cota is averaging 12.1 points per game and shooting 45% from the field for Dynamo. Williams is averaging 14.7 points per contest.

If our Russian is wrong, well, blame it on Rocky IV.

As long as I'm speaking about the Tarheels, I should probably mention that they won their 10th game in a row Tuesday night when they beat UNC-Wilmington by 85 points (actually, it was only 21 points, but really, who pays attention to this Christmas break creampuff games?).

Anyway, I mention this because I got to thinking about how during the winter break, almost all the big-time college programs schedule opponents that would give the Washington Generals a run for their money -- and for reasons that are certainly understandable -- namely, players have to actually study at the end of the semester and don't have as much time for practice, and these games give players a chance to ease back into the season as they gear up for the brutal ACC schedule in January and February.

A quick glance at UNC's schedule from December 21 to January 2 and you see a virtual who's who of Division I powerhouses: Vermont, UNC-W, Cleveland St. and William and Mary -- and all four games are in Chapel Hill. Combined I think these teams have won six games (not really), so I'm pretty sure they're on the schedule for the same reason the Red Sox play Boston College during spring training -- some good laughs.

And like I said, easing up on the schedule during finals is all well and good -- and at the very least, certainly understandable, but don't the players from Vermont, UNC-W, Cleveland St. and William and Mary have to study for finals too? If this isn't another case of the little guy getting screwed, I don't know what is. I know, you're thinking that the players from the small-time schools will (a) forever remember playing against one of the best teams in the country -- even though they eventually lost by 400 points, and (b) have the opportunity to say, "we upset the eventual national champions!" Well, (b) will never happen, but the good thing about (a) is that you could probably embellish the story through the years and eventually end up with something like:

"Yeah, I played against Rashad McCants. It was a cold night in December, and our Bus had broken down at the Shoney's just outside our hotel. Our team had to walk through the snow -- with only our uniforms (no warm-ups) -- to the game. We got there minutes before tip-off, so we had no time to, er, warm-up. I should also mention that we lost two players on the quarter-mile walk over to the Dean Dome -- and consequently we only suited up four. Anyway, I drew McCants and he pretty much had his way with me in the first half. In the second half however, I had a sense for what he was trying to do, and on two occasions he tried to beat me off the dribble, only to have me pick his pocket and take it to the other end for a dunk."

Is this ludicrous? Without a doubt. Is it believable? Hardly. But the good news (if you're the guy making up the story) is that most of these games aren't televised -- anywhere. And I don't mean on ESPN, or the local Fox Sports Net station, I mean they're not even on closed circuit TV in the Dean Dome. And that bode's well for the person telling the tall tale. I mean honestly, even with everything on the internet, you'd be hard-pressed to find a box score from one of these winter break games from just a few seasons ago -- and more importantly, no one cares enough to look it up.



Of course, making up lies to impress the one or two people who still think you're not a loser hardly seems like much of a trade-off when the alternative is getting your brains beaten in by some of the best basketball players on the planet, so I'm still not convinced these small-time programs aren't getting a raw deal. And I should know, because my freshman year at William & Mary (12 years ago today -- ouch), I had a friend on the basketball team who got me tickets to the William & Mary / Duke game at Cameron Indoor Stadium over the holiday break. Let me set the stage: it was the 1991-1992 season and Duke was on it's way to winning another National Championship (they lost in 1990 to UNLV and they'd won in 1991). Surprisingly, William & Mary's starting five didn't match up particularly well against Duke's. See if any of these names ring a bell: Thomas Roberts, Brendan Conner, David Cox, Kurt Small, Todd Cauthorn. These were the starters for W&M. Now try these names: Bobby Hurley, Christian Laettner, Grant Hill, Thomas Hill, Brian Davis. Yikes. I distinctly remember that the first four or five times down the court for Duke ended in alley-oop dunks. And that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the night. The Blue Devils won in a squeaker, 97-61.

So while I have a funny story to tell, I'm sure the W&M players didn't think it was quite so humorous -- at least at the time. But maybe if you heard some of them tell it now, it's evolved into somebody taking a charge from Grant Hill and them coming down the court on the next play and dunking one in his face. So hey, maybe it is worth it. Either way, I've just written a couple hundred words on maybe one of the least-important topics in the history of dopey writing. And what's worse, you read it. I'll just leave you with that.

After the Smoke Clears

For me, one of the ancillary benefits to the Steelers beating the Ravens is getting to read the Baltimore papers "the day after" to see their local media's take on the game. Well, I wasn't disappointed because there was plenty to read after Sunday's 20-7 drubbing. The Baltimore Sun's Mike Preston sets the tone with his "Ravens Report Card."

And let me just state for the record, when post-game grades are handed out and QB Kyle Boller ranks higher (C-) than the linebackers (D), defensive lineman (F) and the running backs (D), it probably means that Baltimore didn't play well. Not surprisingly, the wide receivers also got their hard-earned F, but "failure" doesn't begin to describe this inept bunch. And in fact, if I'm on the defensive line, I'm offended that anyone might think that I'm as bad as any of the wideouts. Still, I particularly enjoyed this observation:

Defensive line: Sometimes Kelly Gregg and Maake Kemoeatu were getting pushed so far back they looked like linebackers. Between now and next season, the Ravens need to find a stud who can play the run and rush the passer. This wasn't fun to watch. It was a slow, brutal beating by Pittsburgh's offensive line.

GRADE: F

Preston wasn't done however. In fact he was just starting. He also penned an article titled, "Time to put memories of 2000 defense to rest." Hey, that's exactly what I was thinking Sunday when watching the Bus drag Ray Lewis all over the field (insert any of the lame Bus jokes you've been inundated with since his resurgence here -- you know, "the bus has new tires...," "the bus has a full tank...," "the bus has retreads...," blah, blah, blah) -- maybe he should charge Lewis bus fare (I couldn't resist). Anyway, I think Preston does make a good point, and one that's been obscured this season -- at least by the Ravens -- if for no other reason than they repeat weekly (despite whether they're winning or not) how good they are. Well, finally we have this:

The Ravens should make it official and ban any comparisons between their current defense and the record-setting group of 2000.

If you mention the C-word, you should have to run extra sprints or pay a heavy fine. Worse yet, make the culprit sit through an instructional film five times on how to kill a quarterback's career (produced by Brian Billick and Matt Cavanaugh).

And Preston is actually supposed to be a Baltimore guy. Still, it's pretty funny that he's able to not only disparage the Ravens 2004 defense, but also make fun of the "genius in his own mind," Brian Billick in the same breath. Better yet, Preston quotes Dan Kreider -- the same Steelers fullback who can't even get quoted in the Pittsburgh papers:

Here's fullback Dan Kreider on Lewis' 13-tackle performance: "He was making a lot of tackles 4 and 5 yards down the field, and fortunately, that was good for us."

Here's Kreider on some of the Ravens' missed tackles against Bettis: "It's great being a fullback in this offense and watching guys miss him. There are times when guys miss him because they're trying not to tackle him."

Oh how the mighty have fallen. It seems like only last week that LB Terrell Suggs was calling Baltimore "Pittsburgh's kryptonite." And it was only a few months ago that Freon Sanders held a press conference (with requisite do-rag and hat askew -- covering his ears, no less) to announce his triumphant return. I never thought I'd say this, but I think Deion had a better year in 2003 as a CBS studio analyst than he did as a 37-year old nickel back. Ouch.

But it wouldn't be right to bust up the Ravens without actually citing some articles from the Pittsburgh papers. Specifically, Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette penned a story with the following headline: "No Ravens in playoffs? Sounds sensible." Gene, tell us what you really think.

Under any realistic examination, the Steelers' alleged AFC North Division rivals, who spent yesterday at Heinz Field getting slapped into next summer, had no business in even the most complex playoff equation.

January is no place for pretenders, and these Ravens have been only that for too long.

Dominating defense? Gimme a break.

Baltimore dragged an 8-6 record onto the North Side lawn yesterday, having allowed 851 yards in eight quarters to the Cincinnati Bengals, 398 to the Kansas City Chiefs, another 316 to the Indianapolis Colts, and, with their season on the line against the Steelers, reliably hacked up another 404 yards.

"They were pounding the ball, taking large portions of the clock away," marveled Baltimore corner Gary Baxter. "We couldn't match their intensity. As a defense, that just doesn't happen to us."

The hell it doesn't.

Ha. Now that's funny. Luckily Collier was just getting warmed up:

Baltimore has allowed 720 yards in its past two games and, in spite of the recurring excellence that is safety Ed Reed, exists essentially on the fearsome image of linebacker Ray Lewis. Lewis, who himself exists more as a video game character than a force in this NFL, has been shown to perform marginally at best with Dan Kreider's helmet affixed to his breastbone or with the Steelers' resplendent offensive line rolling him like new asphalt.

Apparently, controlling the line of scrimmage is not a function of averaging 331 pounds across the offensive line, because the Ravens got nothing done in the running game, even if feature back Jamal Lewis thought it was only from a lack of trying.

"We should have just stuck it to 'em right up the middle, run between the tackles," Lewis said after nicking the Steelers' defense for 26 yards on 14 carries. "I just don't think we did that."

That might have had something to do with the various mismatches up front. When 5-foot-11 James Harrison is throwing 360-pound Orlando Brown around like an oversized Cabbage Patch Kid, it doesn't engender a lot of confidence in the offensive coordinator's booth.

The lone option then was Kyle Boller, who is not a quarterback, but he plays on one TV. Boller managed 18 completions on 32 throws and helped Baltimore convert an unsettling eight of 14 third-down situations. But he has no touch on the deep ball, and it's not hard to figure out why, after 15 games, the Ravens still haven't posted a 100-yard game by a wide receiver.

Baltimore's offensive bottom line on offense is nothing less than this: In nine of their 15 games, the Ravens have scored one offensive touchdown or none.

Quoth the Raven, neverscore.

What a mess ... if you're a Ravens fan. What's great is that James Harrison had arguably his best game of the season against the team that jerked him around the past few seasons (you can read the whole story here). I think Larry Foote summed it up best when describing Harrison preparing for the Ravens:

He talked about it all week," said inside linebacker Larry Foote, who plays next to him in the Steelers' 3-4 alignment. "He wasn't there that long, but those coaches, they're going to see it on film. [Coach Brian] Billick's going to say, 'That No. 92, didn't we have him?' He probably doesn't even know James' name. He wishes he did now."

The thing is, Billick being the offensive genius that he thinks he is, probably won't think twice about cutting Harrison. Which as a Steelers fan, is fine by me.

What's funny (well, it's funny now, I'll be crying if it actually happens) is that John Clayton reports that the Ravens' wideouts stink (that's news?). Specifically, he mentions that Billick will be very interested in what the Steelers do with Plaxico Burress given that his contract is up at the end of the season. I suspect that the Steelers would franchise Plax from here to Armageddon if it meant the Ravens couldn't sign him, but from Plax's perspective, I'd hope he'd take a page from the T.O. "ain't no way in hell I'm playing with Boller" handbook. Not only does Baltimore seem to be on the way down, they don't strike me as a very cohesive team. But like I've said before, Boller could have Jerry Rice, Art Monk and Harold Carmichael all in their prime and they'd still be the worst passing offense in professional football (including the CFL).

If there's any good news for the Ravens, it's that Cowher has made it clear that the Steelers are going to Buffalo next week to win the game. This still gives Baltimore a glimmer of hope to make the playoffs. And while I'd love nothing more than to see the Ravens come back to Heinz Field in the post-season, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a Dolphins donkey-punching in week 17.

Home Field throughout the Playoffs: Check

Let's see, home field advantage and a 20-7 spanking of the Ravens in one day? Not bad for three and a half hours work. Do you think Roethlisberger was happy to see Plax back on the field? It took all of 2 minutes and 28 seconds for Ben to throw him a 36-yard TD while Ed Reed and Gary Baxter looked like they were wearing moon boots in coverage. Of course the Ravens marched right back down the field and scored on a 6 minute drive, but that was the extent of their offense yesterday.



And for a team that is the self-proclaimed "best defense in the NFL," the Ravens got summarily abused by Jerome Bettis and Verron Haynes. The Bus piled up 117 yards on 27 carries (and also surpassed one of the all-time great sideline reporters, Eric Dickerson, on the career rushing list), Verron had 61 yards on 8 carries, and Ray Lewis spent a large part of his workday either on his back (thanks Dan Kreider) or making one of his 5 tackles 8 yards down the field. Ouch. Look, I know the Pro Bowl is basically a popularity contest -- I mean the fans account for a third of the vote -- but why Ray Lewis is on the team ahead of Donnie Edwards is nothing short of ludicrous. It's too bad he wasn't miked up for this game so we could hear him talking smack to the Bus after the Bus leveled him on one play in particular after a 6 yard gain.

The good news is that Kyle Boller was the leading rusher for a Ravens team that is also a self-proclaimed "team built on the run." Well, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but when your quarterback leads your team in rushing yards and his name isn't Vick, you're probably not really a good rushing team. Add to that the fact that your All-Ron LeFlore First-Team running back, Jamal Lewis was an awful 14 rushes for 26 yards, and you're staring 8-7 right in the face. More good news however, if you're the Ravens -- minicamp is only six months away. One more thing. Why the hell was Brian Billick wearing sunglasses yesterday at Heinz Field? It was overcast for the whole game, and unless he just had lasik surgery, or was trying out for "The Fonz," the musical, he looked pretty ridiculous. Or maybe he's actually Neo, the chosen One, here to save the Ravens from mediocrity.



Well, for almost three quarters (and sans one ill-advised throw), Roethlisberger looked really sharp. He wasn't sacked all day and did a solid job of finding open receivers. His second TD pass to Jerame ("My name's not Jermaine") Tuman came with some strings attached -- in the form of Terrell Suggs body-slamming Ben to the ground and causing him to have to leave the game a few plays later. The good news is that the Steelers have home-field advantage throughout the playoffs and there's virtually no chance that Roethlisberger will play next week against the Bills in a game that has about as much importance for the Steelers as a preseason contest. In fact, he should have close to three weeks to heal, and next week should give Tommy Maddox an opportunity to knock off some rust.

I love the fact that Ben wasted little time getting Plax involved, but I would have been fine with the Steelers running the ball 100 times yesterday. There's nothing more demoralizing as a defense than having your opponent run right over you all day long. And for 35 times yesterday, that's exactly what the Steelers did. Anytime the Bus can run outside the tackles against a team like the Ravens, the game is over. Baltimore looked like they were ready to pack it in sometime in the third quarter when the Steelers started the second half with a 8 and a half minute drive.

If I'm Ozzie Newsome, the Ravens GM, I'm thinking that this team is really in need of an overhaul for next season. The Bengals are much-improved and if the 2005 season started today, Baltimore might be picked to finish third in the AFC North. For starters, they might want to actually think about drafting a WR this year (I know, I know, T.O. screwed them this offseason, but at least if you draft a WR, he has to come -- unless his name is Manning), unless of course they're content with 9 foot 4 inch Randy Hymes running crappy routes and dropping Boller-balls. And speaking of drops, I'll be TiVoing "Monday Night Primetime" tonight because I'm pretty sure that Chris Hope's donkey-punch of Randy Hymes will be part of "Jacked Up" (I also wouldn't be surprised if the Bus running over Ray Lewis made it too -- of course that would mean that someone in the media would be implicitly admitting that Lewis is on the downside of a great career, so I won't hold my breath).

And as long as I'm disparaging Lewis (and as long as he still doesn't know where I live), I'll ask this rhetorical question (that I, of course, will answer): How funny is it that the Ravens twice cut James Harrison? It's hilarious. He had six tackles yesterday and single-handedly (pardon the pun) killed a Ravens drive on 4th down late in the game (he batted down a Boller pass). Lewis did have 5 tackles and 8 assists, but I think every assist came after he missed the initial tackle and ran down the field to jump on the pile. Solid.



Changing gears a bit, you know things are going bad for you when your All-Nerd kicker, Matt Stover misses a kick, and Jeff Reed is 2 for 2. I was skeptical this offseason when Reed had leg surgery (I was almost certain he was making excuses -- at least subconsciously -- for crappy kicking in 2003), but he has hit almost all his kicks solidly and right down the middle -- and most important, he hasn't missed any extra points. The only thing better than Stover missing his only attempt yesterday was watching him hit one of his lineman with a kick last week. He tried to blame it on a combination of the lineman getting pushed into the backfield and a low kick, but that guy could have been standing 20 yards downfield and it still would have nailed him in the head. In fact, it hit him so hard on the back of the head that it actually bounced over Stover as he gave chase.

Changing gears yet again, what was up with the CBS crew (which I think was the 6th stringers) being such Baltimore homers? Every time Boller completed an 8-yard pass, to hear the announcers tell it, you would've thought the Ravens had just won the Super Bowl. I wonder if every Thursday, the networks send out a memo to the crew announcing that weeks' Ravens game informing them that they must speak only positively about the mentally fragile Kyle Boller. "Say things like, 'Great 2-yard run,' and 'What an unbelievable screen pass!' and if all else fails, try 'Only Fassel could get Boller to hand the ball to Jamal Lewis like that!'"

Finally, it looks like Deshea broke a couple of bones in his hand, and in the press conference following the game, Cowher seemed like Townsend might actually be able to play in a few weeks with some kind of cast. Deshea is a very big part of this team, and in addition to Aaron Smith getting snubbed, he also has a legitimate gripe for being overlooked. Especially when you consider that Chris McAlister made the team, even though he's had an off-year and last week I thought he was doing his Stevie Wonder impression on that Marvin Harrison TD catch. Still, like I mentioned above, the Pro Bowl is basically a popularity contest, and the next few weeks are what's important. The Steelers smoked the Ravens 20-7, and this win not only ensures home field advantage throughout the playoffs, but almost guarantees that the Ravens will be sitting home after next week. Nice.

A Loser Picking the Winners, Week 16

It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens
OK, I don't really live in Hollis, Queens, but it is almost Christmas. And since it's usually better to give than receive, my gift to you is not posting any goofy stuff for the next few days; I'll be back next Monday morning hopefully to discuss why the Steelers should sit their starters against the Bills after beating the Ravens silly. And like my buddy Andy said yesterday, "The Steelers need to beat the Ravens. If they win that game I don't care if they start Sean Morey at QB against the Bills."

On that note, Happy Holidays.

Home	Away	Line	Pick
MIN	GB	-3	GB
KC	OAK	-7.5	KC
TEN	DEN	3.5	DEN
NO	ATL	-2	NO
PIT	BAL	6	PIT
DET	CHI	-6	DET
JAX	HOU	-7	JAX
CIN	NYG	-6	CIN
IND	SD	-7	SD
SF	BUF	10.5	BUF
NE	NYJ	3	NYJ
TB	CAR	-3	CAR
SEA	ARI	-7	ARI
DAL	WAS	2	DAL
MIA	CLE	-7	MIA
STL	PHI	-2.5	PHI

Season: 111 - 107 - 5
Last week: 7 - 9
Earnings to date: - $670

Week 1 picks Week 10 picks
Week 2 picks Week 11 picks
Week 3 picks Week 12 picks
Week 4 picks Week 13 picks
Week 5 picks Week 14 picks
Week 6 picks Week 15 picks
Week 7 picks
Week 8 picks
Week 9 picks

The Perils of Traffic

The fact that UNC beat Vermont 93-65 last night isn't all that surprising -- even given the fact that Catamounts gave Kansas a scare last month and were featured in ESPN Magazine as kind of the "Gonzaga of the Northeast." What is even less surprising is that Rashad "Robots" McCants' return flight from Mars was delayed, and resulted in him being late for the game.

Stuck in traffic and fuming, Rashad McCants kept control of his emotions. He did the same later when North Carolina coach Roy Williams told him he wouldn't be starting.

"To me, it was just focusing on the task at hand, and that was to win the game," McCants said.

McCants went on to score 19 points, but the fact that he was stuck in traffic is still a funny visual. I can see McCants in his AMC Pacer, adjusting the eight-track as he sits in traffic on his way to the Dean Dome (the fact that he lives four blocks away is beside the point). The longer he waits, the tigher he grips the wheel. To make matters worse, McCants sees Jackie Manual blow past him on his bicycle on his way to the game (and yes, Jackie's in full uniform, just like middle school). He then mutters something about "not liking me when I'm angry," turns green, busts out of his car and runs to the game.

OK, enough with the silliness. Seriously though, unless McCants is like Charles Jefferson from Fast Times at Ridgemont High ("That's Charles Jefferson. I thought they only flew him in for games!"), there really is no reason for him to be late to a game that takes place in Chapel Hill, NC.

Luckily, Roy Williams knew exactly what to say:

After arriving late, McCants' punishment was not starting for the first time this season, but he only missed about 4 1/2 minutes before he left the bench. He made a 3-pointer about 90 seconds later, and he and North Carolina were on their way.

It reminded Roy Williams of a time Michael Jordan was tardy to a Tar Heels' game because of traffic, and he made a point of telling that to McCants.

"That made him very happy," Williams said. "It's not a big deal. He's already missed time on the court, it's over and done with. I was very pleased with how he handled it."

And everyone lives happily ever after. It's amazing how much McCants has matured since he arrived in Chapel Hill and how well Williams handles him. I wonder how Doherty would have dealt with the situation if he were still running things; I wouldn't have been totally surprised if instead of showing up late, McCants decided not to show up at all -- which would mean more playing time for Adam Boone and Brian Morrison!

Breathing Room

I was all set to make fun of Ed Bouchette of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette this morning because not once, but twice in the last week he warned, "Don't be surprised if the Dolphins beat the Patriots." Yeah, right Ed. Whatever you say. Well, the Dolphins did beat the Patriots 29-28 last night and I'm guessing everybody watching was surprised -- even Bouchette. The good news for the Steelers is that they now are in the drivers seat for home-field advantage. They can split their last two games and still have every playoff game in Heinz Field.

The fact that Jay Feeley drove the Dolphins 68 yards in the final minutes, and then completed a 4th down pass for a TD defies all things logical. This is a guy who's started 20 games since high school. More perplexing than Feeley's play was the fact that Tom Brady threw four picks (and two really bad ones during the last two drives) and for the first time I can remember actually looked like a 6th round pick. There is good news for Brady however. He's still dating Bridget Moynahan. And as my wife said to me the other day, "Tom Brady's dating Bridget Moynahan? Wow, they'll have the most beautiful kids on the planet."

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. Seriously though, this loss does a couple of things for Pittsburgh. First, as I mentioned above, they now have a little breathing room in the fight for home-field advantage. This also might give them a little extra incentive to go out Sunday and administer a good old fashioned holiday ass-whipping to a Ravens team that desperately needs one. Especially when you consider that Baltimore has declared that they must win out in order to give themselves a good chance at making the playoffs.

And for the second time in as many weeks (and maybe more), I've been proven wrong. I mentioned this Sunday, and Cowher reiterated it in his press conference yesterday, that the Steelers will not save players for the playoffs (that means you Plax!).

"...there's too many implications in this game," Cowher said yesterday. "This is a very important game and we're going to approach it with that in mind."

Add that to the list of reasons why I should never be allowed to make important decisions -- primarily because I don't know what I'm talking about (of course that never stopped Butch Davis, but I digress).

***
Speaking of not knowing what you're talking about, I've got to bust up Bouchette for this response to yesterday's Q & A on Black & Gold Insider:

Q: Why in the world did the Giants go for two when leading 30 - 26 late in the game? ...By failing the conversion, they lost a chance to win with a last second field goal. Any thoughts?

Brian Young of Homer City

BOUCHETTE: ...Giants coach Tom Coughlin explained that he wanted to be ahead by six at that point in the game, presumably if the Steelers kicked two field goals it would only be a tie. Thus, by missing, the Steelers went up by three when they scored a touchdown. That meant a field goal would not win for the Giants but it would tie the game and maybe sent it into overtime. It became a mute point when a Giants field goal never occurred.

First, great question Brian. I remember thinking the same thing at the time. I also would love to know why Coughlin called timeout with 18 seconds left in the first half after the Steelers were stopped at the Giants 3 yard line, and right before they Jeff Reed converted a field goal. Maybe we wanted to ice Reed before he even had a chance to get out there. The fact that Bouchette called it a "mute point" should only detract minimally from his answer. I mean, he's only been a journalist for 20 years, so he should get a pass on this one. To be fair -- and in the spirit of full disclosure (and the holidays), when I checked back later in the day, it had been updated to "moot," but that wouldn't be quite as funny.

***
We have a new #1 on the "be careful what you wish for" list. Previous #1 was Eli Manning wanting to play in New York instead of San Diego (you know, with all the media pressure in San Diego, it's quite understandable). Anyway, it looks like the Ravens offensive (and I mean definition #1) coordinator, Matt Cavanaugh might be the guy to replace Walt Harris. And while Harris got a lot of criticism before heading west to Stanford, he can take heart in knowing that what he experienced will be nothing like the brow-beating Cavanaugh might expect if he's named coach. And I say "might" because if he brings the same genius and game-planning that routinely lands the Ravens at the very bottom of every offensive category that doesn't involve Jamal Lewis, he'll be in big trouble -- and people will be reminiscing about the good old days with Walt Harris. Of course, if Cavanaugh gets the job, maybe he'll petition the NCAA to bring Kyle Boller with him.

Welcome to the ACC

Well, the Tarheels introduced the Hokies to ACC basketball yesterday by administering an 85-51 drubbing in Blacksburg. Virginia Tech tried its best to stick to the Pete Carril-Princeton slow-paced offensive gameplan, but they ran into a couple of problems: they couldn't score, and they kept turning the ball over. Other than that, everything went off without a hitch -- well, except they continued to try and slow the game down deep into the second half when they were routinely trailing by 20 points. For what must be the millionth time, I'll remind you that I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but it seems kind of silly to try and run time off the clock when you're down by a truckload of points with ten minutes left in the game. I liken it to an NFL team running the ball late in the 4th quarter when they're down by 3 TDs just so they can say they "stuck to the gameplan." Of course Tech could've been trying to work on some things offensively (and given up hope of mounting a comeback), so like I said, I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

Interestingly, Rashad "Robots" McCants got into foul trouble early and really didn't make his presence felt until the last few minutes when the game was out of hand (he finished with 3 points). Still, he made the most of his opportunity by rejecting two shots. And when I say "rejecting," I mean it in the most embarrassing possible way for the two saps who got thrown. If it had taken place during a pickup game, someone would have called the cops to rope off the crime scene (OK, you get my drift).

Anyway, the more I see of Marvin Williams, the better he gets. When you watch him play you get the impression that all he wants to do is get offensive rebounds solely for the purpose of dunking on people. Which in a roundabout ways leads me to Deron Washington, the freshman for Tech. This guy was trying so hard to have a big game that he seemed to lose sight of the fact that he had four other teammates. At one point in the second half, announcer Mike Gminski commented that a lot Washington's shots had trouble drawing iron. Ouch. You usually hear those types of comments when you're forced to go your younger sister's JV middle school basketball game (which inevitably ends in an 8-6 nail-biter -- every time).

What's funny (at least if you're a Heels fan) is that Jackie Manual finally seems to be growing into his body. Kind of like the goofy kid in 8th grade who leaves for summer break and comes back a lot more coordinated. This season he can actually dribble and run at the same time; and a lot of the balls that would amazingly go off his fingertips out of bounds last season are now being converted into points. And speaking of butter fingers, David Noel is another guy who's contributing off the bench. Last year he dropped more balls thrown his way than the illegitimate offspring of Kevin Millar and Renaldo Nehemiah -- and Noel was originally recruited as a WR for the UNC football team. Of course his wrist was bothering him all last season, so that had almost everything to do with it (which reminds me, Millar might want to start telling people his wrist has been bothering him too).

Obscured by the fact that the Heels won by 34 points, was the play of the game, perpetrated by Ray Felton. With just under a minute to go in the first half, Ray stole the ball at midcourt and went in for an uncontested tomahawk dunk. Doing his best McCants-against-Maryland-in-2003 impression, Felton got jacked by the rim. Luckily May was there clean up, but either way, it was funny stuff, and Ray was even able to laugh coming back down the court (I don't think it's an official statistic, but UNC seems to lead the country in getting rim-checked).

It's also noteworthy that some guys who don't see a lot of minutes, got in during mop-up time and put some points on the board. Leading all 3rd-teamers was Reyshawn Terry with 5 points, followed by Wes Miller and C.J. Hooker, who both had a bucket. But more impressive than the fact that a guy like Hooker scored, is that he's majoring in Mathematics. Take that J.J. Redick (I'm mentioning Redick here for no clear reason other than the fact that he goes to Duke -- and he drinks his own pee).

OK, I have no proof that Redick drinks his own pee, and in fact I didn't even make it up -- some enterprising student thought enough of Redick to put in on a sign during a game last season. Either way, it's still funny -- unless of course he really does drink his own pee, and then it's just gross.

Limping to the Finish

Last week I questioned whether the Steelers should sit their starters during the Giants game to get them ready for the post-season. Well, I'm an idiot because if Cowher had followed my advice yesterday the Steelers very well may have lost to the Giants. Luckily, guys like Rowdy had it right when he said, "Should the coach maximize his chances of winning the Super Bowl by reducing his chances of getting there?"

Pittsburgh struggled to a 33-30 victory against a New York team that, for all intents and purposes, should be relegated to the Arena League given their performance over the last month. And when I say the Steelers struggled, that's an understatement -- kind of. If you look at the game stats, (other than the scoreboard), the Steelers dominated the time of possession (35:43 to 24:17), total yards (469 to 278), total plays (71 to 44), rushing yards (160 to 96) and passing yards (309 to 182). The only area of the game where they were beat statistically was on special teams -- and basically all of it from some guy named Willie Ponder. Consider this. Jeff Reed kicked off eight times with the following results: New York TD, New York starts at the 45, New York starts at the 30, New York starts at the 29, New York starts at the 45, New York starts at the 28, New York starts at the 48, and New York starts at the 36 -- which works out to an average starting field position of the 37 yard line.

And being the optimist that I am, I attribute a lot of the Giants' special team success to the fact that the Steelers had a lot of their usual special team guys not on special teams. Because of injuries to guys like Clark Haggans, James Harrison was made a starter and replaced on special teams by Alonzo Jackson. Also, Clint Kreiwaldt was injured last week during practice while filling in for an injured James Farrior. I also blame Deion Sanders for getting the Giants sufficiently riled up after some dopey comments he made about New York being a bunch of quitters after the Ravens beat the crap out of them last week (OK, I don't really think Deion's responsible for reinvigorating the Giants, but any time I get a chance to blame Prime Time for something, I have to).

After special teams, one might also give pause when considering how the defense played. For the second straight week they registered no sacks and gave up a couple of big plays to Eli Manning and Tiki Barber (by the way, Barber seems like a nice enough guy, but I really can't take him seriously now that he carries the football like my grandmother carries her purse; maybe New York can petition the league to let Barber actually carry a purse during the game and he can put the football in it when he gets the ball). Again, I think it's important to remember that this defense is without Kendrell Bell, Casey Hampton, Clark Haggans and Chad Scott (although it can be argued that the defense has actually gotten better with Willie Williams in there) -- and they're still the top-rated unit in the NFL. Also, teams are starting to figure out how to combat the zone blitz. Yesterday the Giants had a lot of max-protect schemes and only sent out a couple of recievers. With more time to throw (and given the fact that Eli pared the playbook down to two or three plays), Manning did a good job of throwing accurately all day long. Still, the Steelers had a couple of really big stands during the game.

The goal line stand comes immediately to mind. I love how, after Shockey caught a pass in the flat about two yards from the end zone, Willie Williams held him up long enough for Farrior, Polamalu and Foote to come up and pop him in the mouth. The best part was when Shockey's helmet came off, he got up looking like Captain Caveman, and spiked the ball in the end zone -- even though he was two yards short. Classic.

The other big play was the interception by Williams in the 4th quarter. How, with a straight face, Amani Toomer can claim that it should have been pass interference is beyond me. First, Williams was looking at the ball when their feet got tangled. Second, Williams weighs 125 lbs, and he managed to keep his feet while Toomer went down like Gerry Cooney circa 1982 -- and he still had the presence of mind to make a miraculous catch. Yesterday the Steelers defense was a lot like Plexiglas -- they bent but didn't break.



Speaking of Plexiglas Plaxico, apparently he's a prophet too. Yesterday in the Pittsburgh Tribune Review Plax made the following observation:

"We gotta find a way to get [Randle El] the football," Burress said. "He's one of those guys, when he touches the football, he's dangerous. He's the X-factor to our team. ...He can do a lot of things that a lot of people can't do in this league. He's a little guy, but he plays big, and he plays with a big heart. I would love to see him touch the ball five, six times a game."

Well, truer words have never been spoken. Antwaan had 5 catches for 149 yards, caught a TD and threw another one, and maybe the biggest play came on his reception at the Giant 5-yard line while being double covered. How he managed to out-jump not one, but two defensive backs is still a mystery to me, but I'll take it. Also have his first monster game in what seems like years, Hines Ward had 9 catches, each one more acrobatic than the one before it. And in what has become a weekly ritual, the Bus just punished the opposing defense. There's nothing funnier than watching Jerome shed linebackers and then steamroll defensive backs.



Which leads me to this: The Steelers offense certainly had no trouble moving the ball, which is obvious when you look at their time of possession (35:43) and total plays (71). What may be of some concern however, is Roethlisberger's decision-making on a couple of plays. Overall, I thought he did a great job of putting the Steelers in position to win. Still, he made several bone-headed for really the first time all season. His first pick was a head-scratcher, but paled in comparison to his second pick. The only thing more unbelievable than his second interception was the fact that Brent Alexander actually caught it. I remember yelling at the television, "where the hell was that last year against Denver!?!" Also, it looks like defensive coordinators are getting a much better idea of how to attack Roethlisberger -- namely by keeping him in the pocket. By keeping him in the pocket, Roethlisberger can create plays on the run -- and while he usually won't try to force passes into coverage, he will take a sack. After re-watching the game last night, the pass-blocking wasn't as bad as it first seemed. A lot of times the Giants would bring one more than the Steelers could block and either Roethlisberger didn't recognize it, or the receivers were covered, but either way he wound up on his back.

Of course, despite a couple of setbacks, Ben made plays when he had to -- including two unbelievable throws to Randle El -- one while scrambling to his right, and the other on the TD pass. I guess it helps to have a defensive backfield that has Alexander as the safety and some guy named Burns playing corner (there are rumors that the Giants will sign Smoked and Toast off the practice squad this week).

OK, the Steelers are 13-1, and have the Ravens at home next week. I can only hope that the Colts score 100 points tonight and Dick LeBeau can come up with some new stuff to combat all the max-protect schemes the Steelers have been facing the last few weeks. It might also help to get back guys like Plax and Duce.

Oh yeah, I should also mention (hopefully without jinxing him) that Jeff Reed is having a solid -- if not spectacular season. He's been splitting the uprights with plenty of leg and if I had one complaint it would be a few deeper kickoffs. But all things considered, he's done a great job, and is single-handedly responsible for at least two wins this season. Let's go Colts.

OK, just one more thing. I mentioned to my buddy Andy earlier this week that Verron Haynes is a really good third down back that brings a lot of versatility to the offense. The only problem is that he's perpetually hurt. Anyway, I said this offseason could be interesting because the Steelers may choose to keep Willie Parker and let Verron go -- especially if Parker can catch the ball coming out of the backfield. Here was Andy's response:

"That's a big if. If Kevin Millar could catch he'd be a good outfielder.

Good point. Except that Millar would still be a crappy outfielder if he could catch, because he still can't run or throw, but I take his point. Anyway, Verron once again proved that I have no idea what I'm talking about as he had a couple of really big catches (1 TD, 1 3rd down conversion and several big runs). OK now, let's go Colts.

A Loser Picking the Winners, Week 15

Welcome to our planet

Make that four weeks. Plax is out again for the game against the Giants tomorrow, but Duce will try to go. I was thinking that against the Giants it might make sense to put Plax out there in a wheelchair. Seriously. This could be beneficial for the Steelers for several reasons. First, they play on carpet in New York New Jersey so that shouldn't hinder Plax's ability to get vertical (though he may have some trouble coming out of cuts). Second, he'll still be a foot taller than Randle El so he should be able to run roll the fade route in the red zone. Finally, they're playing the Giants.

Anyway, because of the 12-1 start and the emergence of Roethlsiberger, the Steelers have been all over the news. And if you want to read some real news stories about Pittsburgh (instead of the made-up crap you get here), check out Honest Wagner (see here, here, here, here, here and here for just stuff that's been written this week).

***
Well, in terms of last week's picks, I went an underwhelming 6-10. Amazingly I'm still over .500 for the season, but because of bad karma (and juice) I'm still $380 in the hole. At this point in the season there are so many teams that are so predictably unpredictable, it's even hard for me -- with my keen sense of winners, losers and point spreads -- to get a firm grasp on which teams should win (read: even guessing has become difficult at this late stage of the season). All right, enough with the babbling, here are the week 15 picks (oh yeah, one more thing. I have no idea what that caption means under the picture of Cowher and Roethlisberger. It was the first thing that popped into my head and it sounded funny...to me):

Home	Away	Line	Pick
NYG	PIT	10	PIT
SF	WAS	3.5	WAS
ATL	CAR	-4	CAR
CIN	BUF	0	CIN
PHI	DAL	-12.5	PHI
CHI	HOU	-1	CHI
DET	MIN	3	DET
CLE	SD	10	SD
NYJ	SEA	-6	NYJ
KC	DEN	-1.5	DEN
TB	NO	-7	TB
ARI	STL	1.5	ARI
GB	JAX	-3.5	GB
OAK	TEN	-2.5	TEN
IND	BAL	-8	IND
NE	MIA	9	NE

Season: 104 - 98 - 5
Last week: 6 - 10
Earnings to date: - $380

Week 1 picks Week 10 picks
Week 2 picks Week 11 picks
Week 3 picks Week 12 picks
Week 4 picks Week 13 picks
Week 5 picks Week 14 picks
Week 6 picks
Week 7 picks
Week 8 picks
Week 9 picks

A View from Purgatory

vs.

In my previous post I mentioned that the apocalypse must be upon us if I'm being mentioned as a Steelers expert. Well, you should be doubly worried because in addition to me being a Pittsburgh sensei, there are people out there who hold beliefs about the Steelers that are so ludicrous, you'd be excused for believing they were due an exorcism. I know, you're thinking, "what the hell is he talking about?" Well, let me explain (just so you know, this post is longer and more convoluted than usual, so brace yourself).

Last week I linked to a story by Michael David Smith of Football Outsiders that took at the Steelers - Jaguars game. I linked to it because I thought it was good -- especially when you consider that Mike made observations that the local Pittsburgh media often overlook. Anyway, the article got a bunch of comments on the FO website -- mostly from readers who agreed (or at least civally disagreed) with what Mike wrote. But there's one (or two) in every crowd and it was this observation (comment #72) from one reader (let's call him Jack Torrance) in particular that got the ball rolling:

How could anyone in their right mind possibly employ you to write about sports??? Your lack of knowledge is more than astounding, it’s unprofessional at best. At worst it's outright libel.

...Your idiotic assessment that Foote is as good at stopping the run as anyone you have seen this year clearly illustrates your utter ineptitude at your profession. Fred Taylor broke 4 of Foote's tackles on Sunday night. It was the first time all year I have been embarrassed to be a Steeler fan. He is nowhere NEAR Kendrell Bell and to even THINK he is in the same league as Farrior is asinine.

...Alan Faneca is widely regard as the BEST OFFENSIVE LINEMAN IN FOOTBALL YOU JACKASS.

The steelers win because they have talented players at nearly every position and may just have 6 players in Honolulu come February. Deal with it a-hole.

So what was this doofus so upset about? If you want to read the whole article you can find it here, but I can give you the short version in two sentences. One, the article described the Steelers as unsung; 45 guys who play really well together in the absence of a bonafide superstar like Peyton Manning or Ray Lewis. Also, the article described Larry Foote's game against the Jags thusly: "against the run he’s as good an inside linebacker as I’ve seen this year." That was it. Those two sentiments were enough to send Jack Torrance off the deep end.

But it gets better. When some commenters questioned why Jack Torrance was (a) certifiably insane, and (b) so anti-Foote, here's how he responded to the latter charge:

I can compare Foote to Bell because Bell has played 3 games. Hell I WENT to the Philly game and even in the nose bleed seats you can see the difference!!

Foote is slower and is weak. It was obvious sunday night.

But while Jack was lobbying for "Insane Steelers Fan of the Year Award," he got some competition from some numnut I'll call Patrick Bateman.

How are the steelers unsung? They’re 11-1, nimrod! I'll take 11-1 and unsung over 4-8 and constantly hyped, like the Chiefs, anyday.

"Michael David Smith" writes that the Polamalu and Townsend are slow. Can you beat them in a footrace? If not, keep your mouth shut. You write that the Steelers don't miss Bell and Hampton. Could you block those guys one-on-one? If not, keep your mouth shut. You don't think Faneca gets any acoolades? Well, guess what, he doesn’t need your accolades. If you ever strapped on a helmet and shoulder pads I think Faneca would knock you right on your accolades!

This is a perfect example of why no one respects sportswriters. All they want to do is rip the athletes because their jealous that they can't carry their jocks.

It's comments like these that gives me hope for our country's future. Can you imagine the conversation Patrick Bateman must've had with himself when he thought it a good idea to type, "You write that the Steelers don’t miss Bell and Hampton. Could you block those guys one-on-one? If not, keep your mouth shut." I love this kind of logic because it is so ridiculously inane, it makes you wonder how this guy makes it through the day without killing people. There are only two circumstances I can think of off the top of my head where this kind of reasoning works. One, if you're Hulk Hogan and you're doing an interview with Mean Gene Okerlund and you're trying to incite the crowd (crowd demographics: 75% ages 25-40, 99% male, 100% still believe wrestling is real); or two, if you're from Mars. And the thing is, all Mike wrote was that the Steelers don't miss Bell or Hampton; guys like Larry Foote and Chris Hoke have done what no one expected them to do -- namely step up and play so well that people don't immediately miss the two guys they replaced.

Well, I made the mistake of trying to outfox the fox (Jack Torrance, in this case). He posted the following comment:

A blurb from the post-gazette about “slow” corner Deshea Townsend…

God your article is atrocious

Cornerback Deshea Townsend deserves to be in the Pro Bowl. He has a team-high four interceptions, four sacks and 12 passes defensed. He is fifth on the team with 53 tackles.

To which I wrote the following:

As long as you're citing the Post-Gazette, here are a couple of stories you overlooked:

Friday, Oct. 8:
"After four games of replacing the injured Bell at inside linebacker, [Foote] is second on the team in tackles (31), behind only Troy Polamalu…In last week’s victory against the Cincinnati Bengals, he had a team-high 11 tackles, a big number for a linebacker not named Zach Thomas."

Friday, Nov 5:
"Sure, Larry Foote has done a respectable job while Bell has been out. He has played well enough to merit being a starter, with the Steelers or another NFL team. But he is not Kendrell Bell, who is bigger, faster, more explosive."

Hmmm. Apparently your source for refuting the claim that Townsend's slow, also refutes your claim that Foote is the weak link. And while no one would argue that Foote is better than Bell, he’s certainly done a solid job as his replacement.

And concerning your argument that Farrior's gotten a lot better this season, consider his numbers:

2002
4.3 tackles per game
1.6 assists per game

2003
6.0 tackles per game
2.8 assists per game

2004
3.9 tackles per game
1.9 assists per game

Again, no one would question whether Farrior is having a Pro Bowl type season (3 INTs, 3 sacks), but if Foote wasn't doing his job, wouldn’t Farrior's tackle/assist numbers be a lot higher? Remember, stats are your friend.

Well, that sent Jack Torrance into Mike Tyson mode. He went to his shock and awe campaign (and trust me, when you read his arguments you'll be shocked and awed too; shocked at the incoherence and awed that he actually believes what he writes). Anyway, here's the slice of humble pie I got served:

1. Tackles are not an official NFL stat. They are NOT kept by the NFL, rather they are recorded by teams and they are highly subjective.

2. There is a hell of lot more going on in a football game besides stats, genius.

a. Farrior destroys fullbacks and offensive linemen and blows up running plays before they even get going. This affects the game MUCH more than making a tackle.

b. Teams run away from Farrior because of his presence.

Tackling stats in football have to be the most meaningless stats in any sport and if you honestly believe that they somehow determine the value of a player, you simply do not know football.

Thanks James Farrior for picking off yet another pass...Gee, it wasn't a tackle. He's only MAYBE a pro bowler...

OF COURSE

"When he played on the Jets and his first year on the Steelers I'd have said no way would be in the pro bowl. But now...He's played as well as any linebacker in the NFL." - Phil Simms

Oh yeah...You're right… His tackle stats are lower and so he MUST not be improving each year.

THE WHOLE WORLD IS WRONG BUT YOU, GENIUS. YOU'RE RIGHT. FARRIOR IS GETTING WORSE AND ISN'T THE BEST LB IN FOOTBALL.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

If there's one thing I love, it's guys who write in all caps to emphasize that they mean business (I also appreciate that Jack recognizes me as a "genius"; that now makes two of us). I have this visual of Jack yelling incredulously at his computer screen, and shaking his head at the stupidity he has to deal with on a daily basis. Still, he forges ahead, realizing that his lot in life is educating all those know-nothing Steelers fans before they all believe that Farrior is garbage.

Here's the problem with Jack's argument above (well, the most glaring problem): I never said that "Farrior is getting worse." In fact, I think I said (and you can check me on this), "no one would question whether Farrior is having a Pro Bowl type season...but if Foote wasn’t doing his job, wouldn’t Farrior’s tackle/assist numbers be a lot higher?" But hey, I guess that's what I get for bringing a knife to a gunfight.

Being the glutton for punishment that I am, I posted this rebuttal:

This is from Cowher’s press conference:

"Q: How much better is Larry Foote since the preseason?

COWHER: Larry has played very well, he has played very solid. He has had a lot of playing time. Unfortunately since Kendrell (Bell) has gone down, he has kind of stepped in with James (Farrior) from the second preseason game on. They have played together a lot. You never want to lose a player, but if it is going to happen, you like to have it in the preseason so you can have groups start to work with one another, because you still have to develop that continuity. It is like the offensive line and the secondary. You have to have guys that start to work and start talking together. That is the truth throughout your football team. It was good from that standpoint that he was able to work a lot with James. I think he has played very, very well. He has been very solid. He has made plays for us. He has been a good football player for us. He has been very productive."

Which prompted this response from Jack:

Your lame [press conference] has Cowher saying Foote is "productive" and "solid".

What is he going to do? Say Foote sucks? Of course not.

Read between the lines. If Foote were having anywhere NEAR the year that [Mike]claims (none better against the run) Cowher would be singing his praises...He's not. He's posturing and it's as transparent as your facade of football knowledge.

I love how you don't even comment on how I shredded your useless tackles stats argument.

That’s what the cowards do. They run away.

Check and mate. The best part of this last comment is that Jack calls me on the carpet for not addressing his shredding of my previous tackles argument. As he noted, I did the cowardly thing and ran. Honestly, I didn't respond because it seemed useless. You know, like peeing in the wind.

Still, others had the patience to respond (or derived sadistic pleasure from it, I'm not sure). Here's one comment that I found particularly funny:

[Jack Torrance], part of the reason Ryan didn't address your shredding of his tackle argument is that you didn't even address his tackle argument.

His argument: Farrior is great, but is getting less tackles, so somebody must be picking up the slack. Foote is as good a candidate as any.

Your 'shredding': WHAT DO YOU MEAN FARRIOR SUCKS? TACKLES ARE A USELESS STAT! PHIL SIMMS SAYS HE’S GOOD, SO YOU’RE WRONG!

See how the argument you 'shredded' is completely different from the one he put forth? If not, please explain how a line like "no one would question whether Farrior is having a Pro Bowl type season" gets changed in your mind to "FARRIOR IS GETTING WORSE AND ISN'T THE BEST LB IN FOOTBALL". I would love to hear the logical progression from blatant praise to horrible insult, for scientific purposes.

Which was followed by another commenter pointing out a flaw in Jack's tackle argument:

[Jack]you should really join a debate society. Your arguments are top-notch. I think my favorite is the way you used the number of Townsend's tackles to bolster your argument that Townsend is a good player (which I don't dispute, as anyone who read this carefully would know), and then you came back a bit later to write, "Tackling stats in football have to be the most meaningless stats in any sport and if you honestly believe that they somehow determine the value of a player, you simply do not know football." Please keep it up; your amusing comments are giving me a nice break from my day.

And that was that. As might be expected, my keen insight had no effect on Jack and in fact probably made him angrier. It took the humor and logic of the last two commenters to drive Jack away (that, or he took a break from yelling at his computer to go out and commit a few violent crimes).

Honestly, the real reason for this post was to point out how some fans become so consumed in "their team" that they lose sight of all things rational (and to make fun of Jack -- that was the other reason for this post). The guys who actually play in these games don't take themselves this seriously (unless your name is Ron Artest).

Anyway, I got a good laugh out of Jack's rants -- especially when he "sent me running." I just hope he can bring himself to watch the Steelers over the next few weeks without the urge to kill someone. But hey, whatever happens, remember this nugget of wisdom: If you can't outrun or out-block the person you're talking about, then keep your trap shut!

Truer words have never been spoken.

Next Up: the Apocalypse

Aaron Schatz does a weekly column on Page 2 called "Snap Judgement" where he ranks (and comments on) QB performances from the previous week using some stats he created on his website, Football Outsiders. Anyway, here's his comment for Ben Roethlisberger after the Jets game:

From FO Steelers expert Ryan Wilson: "Not having Plax is really a problem because Roethlisberger doesn't have wideouts who can stretch the field. Randle El can beat people deep but he's about a foot shorter than David Patten, and Ward can't create separation on fly patterns."

To which prompted the following response from my buddy Andy:

"If you're a Steelers expert then I'm a late night Cinemax expert."

The thing is, I think Andy really is a Cinemax expert -- at least based on his after hours viewing habits. Now if that makes me an authority on all things Steelers, then so be it. OK, maybe not. But it's still funny.

Fat Guys & Jheri Curls

Well, it's almost official, Pedro Martinez got the fourth year he was looking for and the Mets got a 33-year old pitcher with a history of arm trouble and the inability to throw effectively after 100 pitches. Honestly, I'm happy for Pedro because he wanted a 4-yr. contract and even though he's playing in New York, it's not for the Yankees. I do have a couple of questions though.

First, is it worth one year and $10 million to Pedro to go from a city that gave him every benefit of the doubt and a team that's looking to repeat, to a city that categorically despises him and a team that can kindly be described as the New York Giants of baseball? Second, what's the difference between $40 and $50 million in the Dominican Republic, Pedro's offseason home -- or what's the difference between $40 and $50 million in the U.S. (my permanent home)? I mean
seriously, unless Pedro plans on building an MC Hammer palace, what the hell is he going to do with the extra cash?

This leads me to a couple of thoughts. First, I vaguely remember Hammer having some pretty ostentatious stuff after "Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em" hit it big, but I had no idea how out of control it got. Anyway, I came across this little nugget (on an astrology website oddly enough):

Hammer's 1990 album "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em" sold 25 million copies and in 1991 he earned a staggering $33 million. Wearing outrageous balloon pants, bare chest and gold chains, he blew his cash with abandon, going from rags-to-riches-to rags again. He built a $10 million mansion in California with two bowling alleys and an indoor basketball court. He bought 17 cars, including a sleek Lamborghini and a Range Rover, had his own private jet and hosted wild week-long bashes in the world's top hotels. He was one of the richest rap stars in the world until he squandered millions with the high life and ended up in bankruptcy court in 1996, owing some $13.7 million. After topping the charts, he'd hit the bottom, no longer able to afford a $12 million mansion with 17 luxury cars and a $1 million payroll monthly to some 250 folks in his venue.

Ugh. This is almost too embarrassing to post. Almost.

Um, note to self, don't buy 17 cars at one time and "avoid the week-long bashes at the world's top hotels." I've often wondered if I could burn through $33 million, and I'm guessing wearing balloon pants makes it a lot easier. I mean really, once you're wearing balloon pants, does it really matter what you do after that (which I suppose would help explain the bare chest and gold chains)?

Oh yeah, I had a second point and it's this: if Pedro is planning to use the extra $10 million to build schools or hospitals in the Dominican Republic, then all bets are off -- good for him. Otherwise, I'm not sure he made the right decision by signing with the Mets (of course no one ever offered me $10 million -- or $10 -- so I have about as much credibility on this as Jason Giambi does at grand jury investigation of steriod abuse in professional sports). But you don't have to believe me, just ask Tom Glavine.



Which in a roundabout way leads me to the Red Sox most recent acquisition, David Wells. Not only is Wells half way to being an octogenarian, but I think for his age, height and weight, he's clinically obese (when I initially wrote this, I was kidding, but after looking it up, I was right -- Wells is listed as 6'4", 248 lbs, which according to this website makes him, um, let's see, I think the medical term is really fat; of course if you put in Casey Hampton's vitals, your computer will actually blow up).

Seriously, I think David Wells is a solid pickup. First, you know what you're getting with this guy: one, he likes to drink beer and eat donuts; two, he'll throw a lot of innings and throw even more strikes. And the thing is, I'm guessing he'll be less of a headache for Terry Francona in the clubhouse than Pedro was. And I trust whatever Theo decides to do because the Yankees (much like the Redskins) make it an offseason ritual to spend like MC Hammer in balloon pants in the hopes that something sticks -- and since 2000 they're 0 for 4. Continued success.

Who Needs Ben when you Have the Bus?

17-6, 12-1, and AFC North Champs. Another week, another hard-fought game. Hmmm. Let's see, Plax has missed almost four games and in that time the Steelers have struggled offensively and averaged just over 17 points a contest -- I wonder if there's any correlation? Well, right now it doesn't matter, because Jerome is doing his best "John Travolta cinematic comeback in Look Who's Talking" impression as he was single-handedly responsible for 14 points. And forget his 57 yards rushing, here's the line of the game:

J. Bettis 1/1 10 1 0

Jerome Bettis, 1 for 1, 10 yards, 1 TD and no picks. Here's play-by-play conversation I had in my head on that third and three call from the 10 yard line:

"OK, run the ball up the middle and we'll have four downs to get into the end zone. Why are the Steelers running a sweep with Bettis?!?!? He's going to lose 10 yards on the...why is Jerome throwing the ball?!?!?...Touchdown pass to Jerame Tuman!?!"

What a ballsy play-call by Whisenhunt (of course if Bettis had pulled a Lamont Jordan against the Ravens, I'd be calling for Whisenhunt's head on a stick). Honestly, I had Mularkey flashbacks as the play was unfolding -- the only difference is that the Steelers scored instead of losing 8 yards on a triple reverse flea-flicker.



Here's the second best line of the game:

L. Mays 1 46 0 46

Lee Mays, 1 catch for 46 yards. I don't know if you saw NFL Network's game of the week last Thursday, but it was the Steelers/Jags game. After dropping a big third down pass early in the game, Lee Mays came back to have a great final drive, catching two really big passes to set up the winning field goal. Anyway, in the locker room after the game, I thought Cowher was going to cry when he gave Lee Mays the game ball -- that last series against Jacksonville probably gave Lee a little extra confidence going into the Jets game and the 46 yard 3rd down reception eventually led to the Bettis TD throw. That may have actually been the play of the game (on a related note, here's a good article in the Uniontown Herald Standard about Lee Mays' resurgence).

Once again, the defense had a solid game, even if for the second straight week Pittsburgh loss the time of possession (it was close however, 30:48 - 29:12). I think Pennington put to rest (forever) the "Pittsburgh should have drafted Pennington instead of Plax in 2000" talk -- if for no other reason than he can't throw the ball more than 30 yards down the field, and he had three awful interceptions. The only time I questioned the defense was on the 3rd quarter Jets drive that led to a field goal. The Steelers had the Jets third and long deep in their own territory and instead of bringing the blitz, they only rushed four; which of course resulted in a Pennington timing pattern for a first down. But all things considered, Dick LeBeau and the defense gave a great effort -- in fact it was the third time this season they kept the opponent from scoring a TD (Miami and Philly being the other two). Plus, my knowledge of defensive game-planning doesn't go any further than me yelling at the television, so what do I know.



As long as I'm talking about the defense, how good are Troy Polamalu and James Farrior? And even though Chris Hoke only had two tackles, he spent a lot of time (a) avoiding Kevin Mawae's career-ending chop blocks, and (b) in the backfield disrupting running plays. The fact that Clark Haggans left after the first quarter with a groin injury should be a concern because not only did James Farrior look to be in pain at several points during the second half (his shoulder had been bothering him last week), but the Steelers are losing starters faster than Jerome Bettis can run over Reggie Tongue. Of course the sign of a Super Bowl team (read: the Patriots) is being able to overcome injuries, but if things continue at their current pace, Jeff Reed will be playing wideout. Still, it's worth noting that both James Harrison and Alonzo Jackson (finally, right?) did a serviceable job in Haggan's absence.

Speaking of injuries, is anyone convinced that Duce is 100%? Is it just me or does the Bus look like he should be the starter? (I should take this opportunity to point out that even though Duce still looked a little rusty, like Bill suggested last week, the Steelers finally decided to throw to him coming out of the backfield -- and one pass play actually resulted in a 21-yard gain) The Jets safeties should be fined by the league for getting summarily abused by Jerome on the ground and in the air -- either that or they should be made to play in the Colts defensive secondary where their crappy play won't stick out so much.

Well, the Steelers are 12-1 and fighting tooth and nail just to keep pace with the Patriots. And while I know the Pittsburgh media will probably lament the fact that the Steelers are struggling offensively (and they are), let me put this question out there. Would you rather have the Steelers struggling to move the ball offensively while still having the best defense in the league, or would you be happier if the Steelers were more like the Pats -- giving up a lot of points this week to the Bengals, but scoring just enough to win? I'll take the stout defense every time. Especially when you consider that Plax will be back soon. Which actually leads me to another question. First, how bad are the Giants? This is a team that refuses to cover people on defense and let Kyle Boller throw four TD passes Sunday; this is a team that had six (count them, six) turnovers against the Ravens; this is a team whose starting QB was 4/18 for 27 yards total, before bringing in the human fossil, Kurt Warner.

And here's where I'm going with this: other than the Jets game, the Pats are guaranteed two more wins. The Steelers have to play at the Giants, home to the Ravens and finish on the road to the Bills. Should Cowher rest some of the players who might be probable next week just to give them an extra week to heal, or does he approach the Giants game like he has the previous 13? Personally, I don't know how I feel. I'd be OK with Farrior taking a week to heal his shoulder, but at the same time I want Plax to be out there to take some of the pressure off the running game. It was clear that the Jets were bringing the safeties down because they wanted Roethlisberger to have to beat them through the air. Donnie Henderson and the Jets defense, let me introduce you to my main man, Lee Mays. Your bad.

Anyway, it was a good win for the Steelers -- now let's just get everybody (read: Plax) healthy.